The changing of the kids

When I had one child, she was always dolled up...ALWAYS! She had beautiful little outfits and I even shopped at a few boutiques...not sure how I afforded it, but I did. When I had two kids, my girls, I discovered that there were lots of cute matching outfits out there. Both girls were pretty dolled up, although Haven was at that awful two year old stage where anything she touched exploded all over her and made a mess. I still shopped at little boutiques for holiday outfits. When Grayson came along, I found that young girls (2 and 4)did well in t-shirts and cotton pants and a few sundresses and little boys are really easy to dress on the cheap. No more boutiques or super cutsey matchy outfits, except a few for holidays. Now we are waiting for number 4, and while she has some cute outfits packed away, we got them on sale :) The girls wear a lot of hand me downs mixed in with nicer stuff from their favorite stores. Jeans rule here...although in the summer, the girls both like dresses or skirts. I actually order sewing patterns to learn how to make some of their favorite pieces, maybe I can even make some matching, but alas no more boutiques. I did, however, find a few woolies for the baby that I will order. They aren't cheap, but they are great diaper covers and pants all in one...can't beat that. Plus the down home, wholesome look is what I want for the kids. Maybe if I ask nicely, my mom will crochet some for me.

Why must they fight?

I have been asking the girls to clean their room for a week...yes, a WEEK! Given all the junk going on in the house, I was not really getting anywhere in asking...especially when the MIL would go up and distract them or pull them away when they were supposed to be cleaning. The room resembles a house after a bombing, so there is quite a bit of work to be done....the logical choice would be to buckle down and do it right? Nope, not if you are six year old and eight year old girls, then you scream and yell and brawl...productive right? Now they have had to lose even more privlages because they are fighting, not to mention having to clean the room to my standards, which are way higher than what I usually make them do. Why oh why must the fight?

Nothing happy to report

The kid's had a nice Easter I think...not sure with all the drama that went on.

Needless to say, it will be a very bad few days here at the Kelley house...very tense and bad I fear,and I am so happy that the kids and I are heading out of town on Wednesday.

Hopefully it will all be okay in the end. Hopefully Ryan and I will find a way back to each other, to where we were before this mess. Hopefully he will see the damage that has been done to me this past week, the complete and emotional despondency I have felt, and I hope to be able to see that his pain and suffering through this is very real as well, and that his choices were the best he could make in the moment.

This has been the most horrifically painful week of my life, lesson learned, when you have a nice, happy marriage and family....leave it alone.

Trying to find a new groove

So, when all else fails, I cook. Tonight we will have burgers on the grill (from our half cow), homemade coleslaw and I am guessing I will make baked potatoes. Tomorrow morning for Easter we will have waffles and sausages in blankets (crescent rolls), I will make the overnight waffle batter so we can make it first thing. There will also be a fruit salad to even out the carbs. Lunch/Dinner will be a honey ham, roasted sweet potatoes, asparagus and popovers...not traditional, but all stuff we love and that is all that matters.

Tomorrow I also will be starting the herbs. Monday I will get the low fence for the herb garden and will plant the garlic. Hopefully while I am away, Ryan will finish the turning of the garden so the parsnips and carrots can be planted. Then the beans go in and the rest of the goodies come May 1st. I cannot WAIT until we can start harvesting!

Our growing areas this year include:

Main Garden-two kinds of tomatoes, two kinds of beans, two kinds of cucumbers, parsnips, carrots, squash and zucchini. Once beans are done, potatoes go in. Carrots and parsnips are double sown and we will be looking for a place for winter spinach and a few other items for the cold frame.

Berry Patch-We have well established blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries. A few strawberry plants made it, and we will add a few more.

Herb Garden-New addition this year. This houses basil, oregano, cilantro, dill, parsley, lavender, onions and garlic. Summer lettuces and spinach also live in this area and will be continuously sown.

Fruit trees-We have two existing pear trees, adding three fig trees this year, two more pear and four apple.

Not bad for our small lot :)

Stress does NOT do a body good

I really need a break, between sick kids, burst pipe, mother in law, I thought I had had enough....but then my company decided to change the rules regarding tuition grants. Needless to say, it was a sob inducing situation, but thankfully has been resolved thanks to some parental involvement.

In addition to all this, I ended up having very hard contractions all day yesterday, really painful and hard, not good when only 24 weeks pregnant! They finally subsided, and the baby is hopping about, so we are a-ok.

We had delicious matzo ball soup for dinner last night, dyed eggs for Easter this morning and I am making mandel bread this afternoon...we are a confused bunch.

Happy holiday...regardless of what you celebrate?

Rapidly losing control

I am not sure what to do, how to approach the day or my role. That is a first for me, and I don't like it at all! I want to wake up and just do my jobs, live my life, raise my kids and be content in the life I built with my husband. Now I feel I can't even leave my own bedroom, and it really makes me crazy! Ryan says I need to explain how I feel, but I don't want to and get screamed and cursed at like last time....and then I didn't even really SAY anything worthwhile. His mother is so unpredictable, she has been known to be violent and she is explosive....Ryan claims only when drinking, but I have seen it other times. The history I have is a negative one, she has told my husband to leave me countless times, claimed I "trapped" him (why I am not sure since I was the one making all the money!) and in general has never liked me or my life choices. Why would I then be comfortable saying anything? Doesn't it just make more sense for me to avoid the situation, hide and hope it all goes away? Why would I willingly put myself in a situation where I may be attacked, either physically or emotionally?

Religious cooking exercises

We are of no real religion...but I like the kids to be aware of different religions, especially those associated with their ancestors. Therefore, we celebrate lots of things here! Passover just began, and Easter is on Sunday. Today I have stock going for Matzo Ball Soup and I will be making some Mandel bread cookies as well. I also made some yummy kugel the other day. We use these opportunities to discuss the religious significance and how the foods relate to the ceremonies. Not ready to hold a Seder, especially since Judaism was never my religion,but maybe someday. We will also celebrate Easter, with ham and all the fixins. Good thing I like to cook!

Stop!

Stop touching my stuff....stop, stop STOP! Stop "helping" all you are "helping" to do is make me crazy. I don't want help or need help, my world is just fine as is and you are intruding on MY jobs and responsibilities. DON"T TOUCH MY CLOTHES...EVER....or I will NEVER wear them again. Now everything I own needs to be thrown out and I need new clothes...it really creeps me out, who comes into someone else's house and just touches their underwear! Please stop putting things where you want and not where they go! Please just STOP!

Things that make me crazy

OK that headline is deceiving as if I posted ALL the things that make me crazy, we would be here a long time. It should probably say things that make me crazy right now.

I am supposed to have a call with a new faculty member....but I emailed her days ago to get the best phone number to reach her, then I emailed her yesterday, then this morning.....um, no response? Here's the thing, if she wants to keep teaching with us, she needs to do these calls with me, and I find it incredibly rude when people feel their time is more valuable than mine. I don't take advantage of them, and I am courteous in scheduling things to work around everyone schedule, but not responding for this long is just unprofessional and not acceptable at an online school.

I am also peeved at folks who lie, especially those that lie to themselves or to others to make themselves feel better. If you need to lie about who you are, what you do/don't do, what your purpose is, etc, you have some serious issues to work out. If you don't even like who you are and can't be honest about it, then that is really sad. Oh, and just because other people do more, have more, etc don't accuse them of having/doing that to make you or anyone else feel bad. I do what I do because it works for me, you do what you do because it works for you...I sure as hell don't feel bad or compare myself to you, you need to work on your inadequacy issues and move on.

Finally, could the weather be any more erratic? I am looking forward to a little vacation next week.

Blessings and Curses

We made it through the storm. Interestingly enough, even in the midst of it all, my husband and I found a way to laugh about it...you have to admit the sheer craziness was amusing and that is one of the reasons I really love being married to Ry, he can lighten the heaviest mood. Thankfully the plumber came this morning and fixed the pipe, and it was way less money than I feared. Brittan is doing well, they believe she has a virus, a.k.a. the flu and a UTI. We are holding off on the antibiotics until her culture comes back so we don't medicate if not needed. She has a follow up at the ped tomorrow, but seems better today and the fever is more manageable.

Aside from getting almost NO sleep last night, we are all functioning pretty well. Haven stayed home since she was up most of the night, and I fear she is getting sick as well she has the cough and irritability. I am off to teach in a few moments. Tomorrow morning I have a quick call, then Britt's appointment and maybe we will celebrate with lunch out. Then home to keep making headway on the wet stuff, but surprisingly I made it through most of it today.

MIL was very helpful in this mess, and I hope we hit our stride soon finding what works for everyone. Off to work :)

Build the ark we are headed to the ER

So, tonight will go down in history. First we had this pipe that was dripping by the water heater. The plumber came yesterday, looked at it and said it was a main line, he didn't have the tool to shut off the water, have the hubby move this piece of wood that was in the way and he would come tighten it on Monday. Today, Ryan went to remove the wood before showering for work, he touched the leaky pipe just a touch and it started spraying. Thankfully husband called work to say he was going to be out and we called the plumber. Before we even got the call back....we heard this big noise and realized the pipe blew. Water was EVERYWHERE and our old house has no main shut off. Thankfully I was on the phone with my dad whining about the leaky pipe and he told me to call 911. I did, the firemen came, and they shut the water off at the main. We did some cleaning up and talked to the plumber who is coming at 9 am.

So a little while later, Brittan is up. She has had a fever all day but now she was really hot, over 104 on meds. Then she start vomiting...remember we have no water...then she and her father left for the ER. I am guessing she has the flu, not sure WHY we got the damn shot then, but she and Gray have been pretty sick all week. Hopefully they will see her quickly, and she will be OK.

Breathing

OK, I am really trying to breathe today. I had a huge weeping breakdown with Ryan this morning as I just feel like I am off kilter. I KNOW that this is me, and I KNOW that it is my problem, but I just feel like in my own home I should be allowed to be my crazy true self. To help you understand, everything is a trade off in my mind. For example, the usual morning I get up, make the kids breakfast, while they eat I do any dishes, then I make coffee...sounds fine right. However, in my head, I make the kids breakfast and then HAVE to do the dishes next so that I can wash out the coffee filter (we have a permanent one) and I don't like the grinds all over the dishes it grosses me out, then I make the coffee. It HAS to go that way or I just won't ever make the coffee. This goes on all day, I grade five papers, check on dinner, check email, grade five papers, check dinner, etc. I need to use the order that makes sense in my own head, and while I understand that it may be a bit nuts, it works for me. The only way I can function is with a plan and organization, if something is out of place, so am I and I feel lost trying to get things done. Once my husband and I were seeing a counselor and the counselor tried to explain that when the pillows are on the floor(a pet peeve), or there is no plan, I feel the same panic as if one of the kids were in danger...it is that disturbing and real for me.

So now I have admitted that I am crazy...oh and whenever I pump gas it needs to end in a 5, my favorite is 25.55...all my secrets are out :) We have established I am nuts, but a really high functioning nuts, and I need to maintain some structure at home. Oh I have adjusted, kids will do that, and when I am not at home, I make myself go with the flow, but everything happens here. I work from home, I live here, I relax here, my family is here, and I cannot be miserable here. What am I going to do?

The best moments

Loving hugs from the hubby, HUGE kisses goodnight from the kiddos, special loving calls from friends when you are scared and concerned, love from afar from family, huge crazy kicks and punches from a baby who seems so strong, but worries you so much. Three already active, silly, wonderful little people who amaze you everyday.

Good times.

Adjustments

So MIL is here. She seems willing to make it work, I on the other hand, am just not that into it. See, I like my house, my kids, my husband and my life. I like that my husband goes to work at night and the kids go to bed and I can quietly work and relax with no one sitting there or talking to me. I like that this is my house and I pick what goes where and how things go and when to do chores. I have a neat little schedule and I am happy with it. She is trying, and I understand that I should try to, I just don't want to. I want to enjoy my life and family as we were doing just fine on our own. I want to live comfortably in my own home, and do what I want to do. I want to not feel the anger and resentment that now I have to share everything we have worked for, that this quiet, peaceful little corner of the world is no more, and I have no safe place to fall. I need to not be myself, to cry when I need to, to yell when I need to, and it makes it hard to want to start a new day.

Great reviews

We had parent teacher conferences this morning, and given the hard year we have had with Haven's teacher, I was prepared for the worst. Instead, we got a glowing report of how far she has come, what a sweet and helpful girl she is and just how well she is doing. While I know she isn't quite working up to her true abilities yet, she really has made such wonderful progress and we are excited to see more from her. At this point Haven is reading on at least a sixth grade level (she is in third), but we are having a tough time finding books that are challenging and age appropriate.

Brittan's teacher gave her a glowing review as well. She has already master all but two skills needed for first grade and is reading on close to a fourth grade level (she is in 1st). The teacher has been working with Britt and a few other kids who are doing well and giving them upper grade level work to challenge them. She is also setting her up for next year, trying to find a teacher who will see her potential and really tap into it. Brittan was also commended for her sweet, giving and helpful nature. Such different girls, but such sweet, smart and good girls, we are very proud!

After conferences, we headed out to see Monsters verses Aliens in 3-D. While it was tough getting there on time, we made it and the movie was really cute and fun. We all enjoyed it since it is rare for the whole tribe to go out together, and while I started off a bit sour due to not eating, in the end it was really enjoyable.

Now I am off to tutor, the kids are gearing up for dinner and are driving poor Grandma nuts :)

In it comes, and out it goes!

It seems that just when you think you are flush, something happens. At least we can afford the little "surprises" so that is a positive:)

Today I need to re-register my car (yuck $80 bucks) then I need to head to the farm for milk. Home again to straighten up, figure out dinner, etc. Then Haven has riding if it isn't too wet and I have to tutor at 6. I also have a small paper to write and want to have it done before tutoring so I can have some free time this evening.

Tonight Ryan's mom comes, then tomorrow I have someone coming to replace my windshield, it has been cracked for a few years, but has finally spread to being too bad for inspection. After conferences, we are planning to head to the movies for some family fun.

I MUST finish the painting, but it may take until Saturday to get to that...oh well.

Oscillating

I seem to move between feeling REALLY together and feeling REALLY overwhelmed these days. As it stands, I am not teaching at FT school this week as we are on break, but we do have extra calls so that digs into my time for other things. I have a bunch of papers to grade for PT school, but have set aside Friday, Saturday and Sunday for that...it makes it more manageable. I have three big assignments due for school this week, one is due tonight and I am not sure how to do it, but I sure will try! The others seem to be better. I also have to complete a bunch of paperwork for the upcoming maternity leave.

Today I have a call in a half hour, so I need to get into a shower. After that call, I will leave to go to get the last of the Easter goodies for the kids, then off to teach, stop at Wegman's on my way back (I am craving sesame honey crunch!) home to make dinner for the family and then write that paper. Tomorrow Gray and I will run to the farm in the morning and leave the hubby home for some rest, then back home to do homework and finish the painting that still isn't done, then off to tutoring. The MIL is coming at some point tomorrow, however I am not concerning myself with when. Friday will be conferences followed by a family outing to the movies and maybe dinner. So there is good reason to oscillate, so much going on!

It's here!!!

My new stove has arrived and it is beautiful! Our kitchen had bisque appliances when we moved in, and as we have replaced them one at a time, we have always just bought bisque again. I personally don't like the color, but since we painted the kitchen around bisque appliances, and the cast iron sink I put in is glazed in bisque, when we needed the new stove, it was bisque. Due to the odd color choice, we needed to wait a week and a half for the stove to be delivered, but it was totally worth it. The oven is HUGE...5.4 c.f., of course it is self cleaning because I am no fool, and it is a coil top since we can and you cannot use the ceramic top stoves to can. It looks so much better than the old yucky Maytag and the color is in line with the new fridge and dishwasher we put in, which is the lighter bisque color, less yellow. Now all that is left is to put in a microwave range hood and the kitchen is perfect...well as perfect as it can be in this house :)

The other great part is that this morning I hopped online and saw that the exact stove I bought was on sale, so I called the company and they credited me the difference. i had also scored a $25 off coupon when I purchased and they have free delivery and haul away, so when it was all said and done, it was under $400 for a new stove that I LOVE :)

The upside?

You may note it is 4:30 am...I have been up since 3:30 am.....I went to bed at midnight and Haven was up once, Grayson 5 or 6 times until he decided that he wanted to get up and throw up a lot. Fun.

I swear we have had the puke bug more this year than the last four years combined! I think tonight his issue is not an actual stomach bug, but something else, maybe related to his mystery illness? He may also be spiking a fever, he feels warm, and I got a Tylenol into him, then it came back, so who knows.

So, where is the upside? Well one is that I can exist on little to no sleep as is evident by how often someone is up all night here. This is good since I have so much to do today and a nap is just not an option. Another is that puke barely grosses me out these days, so long as it isn't actually ON me, this is a huge improvement from when Haven was small and puke really made me squirm. Also, I am lucky that my jobs allow me to stay home and make gobs of money...ok no gobs and well below market value, but hell I can do it in my PJ's with my pukey kid, that is a bonus. Now if only I can be coherent while writing my paper later today, but we will have to see how that goes!

Getting schooled

Oh my, the class I am in is kicking my rear! The assignments are vague, which makes it hard to complete them, but overall I am happy with my grades. At this point, the assignment I had due Sunday isn't even completed as I JUST got clarification on it!

In addition, my stupid adviser screwed up my schedule AGAIN! I think it is finally corrected, which is a relief, but still, how hard can it be? I am also done with my daughter's teacher, I hope the conference goes well on Friday or I may need to fire her...and it isn't pretty when someone gets fired, essentially I explain why they are incompetent, how it could have been done correctly and then I inform them they are fired. Takes a lot for me to be done with someone, but when I am, it ends...I am very tired of incompetence, especially in education, it is just laziness, which lately is all I see around me. What happened to having pride in what you do?

On the bright side, my new stove comes tomorrow and I am very, VERY excited!

The doctor dance

Oh my do I have a lot of doctor's appointments scheduled. Add to that, I double booked myself TWICE next month because I try to schedule appointments for Thursdays and Fridays when the husband is around. I had a cardiologist appointment (for me)scheduled for Friday, but we also have conferences for the girls that day, so it was rescheduled. As it stands, I have a cardiologist appointment for me, a pediatric cardiologist appointment to check baby's heart, a hematologist appointment and a regular OB appointment scheduled in April. Add to that two kids needed blood work, one needs to see the neurologist and another needs to see the allergist....thank goodness for medical spending accounts!

Wishing for summer

Oh I want summer to come. Long, warm days. No rushing out the door in the morning, no going to work. It makes the days so much more fun to have no place we HAVE to be!

I did sign the girls up for camp and we are considering putting them in a second week if they really like it. We are also buying a pool, they would really love being able to swim all summer and being that I cannot be in the water a good chunk of the summer after having the baby, this seemed like the best option. We also have a trip with my parents planned for August, plus a trip for Grayson's birthday that month....I guess we DO have places to be!

In addition, we have booked our trip for next spring to Disney and I am finalizing whether we want to rent a beach house for two weeks, or rent one for one week and then take a trip up North, maybe to NYC or Montauk for a week. Ah,what a hard life :)

That feeling in the pit of your stomach

it isn't dread, or fear, or concern...it is almost like homesickness. I get it sometimes when I feel overwhelmed by my life, or if I am feeling unsuccessful, or when there are big changes looming. My mom left today and we had a nice, if not quick, visit. I am so thankful that my parents make time for the kids and that they know their accomplishments and want to celebrate with them. Right now I feel the changes coming, with the new baby and the mother in law, and it makes me feel homesick. These are the days I long to be back on LI, back where it just seemed easier and different and comfortable. For all my complaints about it, it is my hometown and I miss it when I feel I need security. For us, it is simply not an option, it doesn't match our lifestyle or our needs and jobs for us do not abound there. I ache to get out of Virginia, I really despise being stuck here, but we are for at least the next five years.

Also when I feel homesick, I think about my accomplishments, and for me, I just don't feel I have done enough yet. So onward I plan, I think of what is coming and what I want to do. I really enjoying teaching, and will continue to do it, but when the doctorate is done, what can I do. Law school is a definite option, especially as the kids get older. Another is medical school, although my husband thinks I am crazy, but I would love to learn medicine and law, what a wonderful opportunity that would be. It will really depend on where I am teaching, if they have a law or medical school associated with them that will take me on....fingers crossed :)

A proud day

We had a full and exciting day! Haven was performing not once, but twice, in our county art festival. Haven and I got out early this morning to drop her off, and then I ran back to get the rest of the tribe and my mom who made the trip to see Havey. We headed back, looked at all the art work, and saw both of my girl's submissions :) Then we watched the first performance. In this one, eight third graders from each school were chosen to take part, and they practiced instruments and songs at their own schools for a few weeks, and then all came together for the first time this morning. They put on a musical play where they switched around, played various instruments and sang...it was amazing what they learned on their own and then what they could accomplish when together. The performance was great, but everyone was hungry so we headed out to lunch where we all refueled! Then back to the school to see Haven perform again with her school singing group. They were wonderful, of course, and Haven was so happy we were there for her. After that, we headed to Friendly's to celebrate with ice cream sundaes! Back home and everyone is tired, but happy. The kids are playing with my mom, I am working, and we enjoyed our full day of fine art :)

Just breathe in and out

To say the last six months have been trying is an understatement. With Haven's diagnosis this Fall, I never got into a good school/work groove. We had bunches of unexpected house/car costs. Add to that the MIL is coming, not coming, is coming, etc. Other outside the family BS, Grayson's unexplained weird illness and now the concerns with the new baby.

So it has been crappy, but what makes me proud is that we came through it, keep coming through it, as a strong family. At this point we can weather any storm!

The internet..blessing or curse

Being who I am, and research minded, I of course came home armed with information from the cardiologist and proceeded to review it online. From what he explained, the two BIG things that can go wrong deal with Atrial Septal Defect (ASD) along with the leaky Tricuspid Valve or a stenosis in the aorta. The first one is called Epstein's Syndrome and means that when the baby is born, the valve leaks and the open area between the atrium's doesn't close. This can cause the baby to be blueish and can lead to heart failure...but we at least know to look for it, and there is surgery to repair the problem as needed. The other big one is Coarcation of the Aorta, which along with the leaky valve, we have a narrowing in the curve of the aorta. This will also involve surgery and is not as dangerous or involved as Epstein's Syndrome. The other, more mild potential causes may be pulmonary or aortic stenosis or VSD...most of which are non-surgical in nature.

We are really hoping that next echo we don't see an enlarged little baby heart.

We must be tender hearted

OK, so here is the history first. I have a heart condition, have had it since birth and it is called supra valvular aortic stenosis-a narrowing of the aorta above the valve. I have been fortunate throughout my life not to have had complications aside from scaring a few doctors and nurses when they hear my heartbeat.

Due to my heart condition, I have had a fetal echo cardiogram while pregnant with each child, this checks for major structural issues, but does not tell of all heart conditions.

Haven had a normal fetal echo cardiogram which showed no problems. At birth she was diagnosed with ventricular septal defect (VSD) which is an opening between the ventricles of the heart. She also has pulmonary stenosis (PS) which is a narrowing of one of the branches of the pulmonary artery. Over the years, her VSD patched itself and closed, and this last summer we found out that her stenosis had stretched and she is no just considered an inconsequential murmur.

Brittan had a normal fetal echo cardiogram. At age two when sick, the doctor heard a murmur. She had an echo cardiogram this summer where no defects were found and it is determined she has an inconsequential murmur.

Grayson had a normal fetal echo cardiogram. Has shown no signs of murmur. Will have a preventative echo this summer.

Today we had the fetal echo cardiogram for the new baby and for the first time we had an issue. While structurally everything is well developed, the baby's tricuspid valve is leaking. According to the pediatric cardiologist, this is usually an indicator of other heart issues which may not be presenting themselves now, or that cannot be seen while in utero. We will return in four weeks to look again for any structural issues and to determine if the heart is being stressed and if it is enlarged. The outcome from that fetal echo cardiogram will determine the course of action, and whether they think she will be needing surgery at some point.

Thankfully, we as a family are used to dealing with health issues, and no one is freaking out, including myself. This is a path we can walk.

I am tired

I am tired of hub bub, and drama, and hysterics. Tired of tall tales, outright lies, and misgivings. Tired of trying and doing and caring. Tired of judgment and criticism and cutting words. I am tired of it all.

No more of this in my life, it is not welcome, wanted, desired or deserved. I am tired of all of it and it weighs me down and dims my kid's smiles and makes me frown when I should be beaming. I don't care if you don't like my beliefs, thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, doings, comings or goings, as they are mine and mine alone. No judgment can fall here, take it along on your way, as we are a fine and happy bunch.

I am just tired.

Seniority and my job(s) rock!

I have to admit I may have the best work life ever. While they don't pay me the big bucks, I love that both my jobs treat me with respect and seem to care that I am happy and content and doing well. FT allows me to work from home, to put the kids on the bus, get them off, make dinner, play with them, do homework and travel....that is pretty awesome! Unlike lots of other work from home jobs, I have no set hours, and while that means I work weekends and holidays, I also work when I want to. Plus it is hard to over look the eight weeks a year I get off and the additional 8 weeks of maternity leave I will get at 100% pay...oh and they pay for my doctorate, sweet!

My PT gig is also great, and while I sometimes dread actually getting dressed and GOING to campus, I love my students and the interaction I have with them. In addition, they also treat me really well and seem concerned that I am happy in my position. Today I had to run up there to drop off paperwork for a student and saw my boss. She was playing with Grayson and chit chatting and just being awesome, as usual. Plus she told me I ALWAYS have first pick of my course sections because I have seniority, and for Fall term that means I can teach the Weds night and Friday afternoon classes so the baby and Grayson will always be with Ryan...gotta love that schedule :)

A note on cosleeping

We never set out to be cosleepers. When Haven was born we had the big crib all set up and the bassinet in our room for her....but things changed. She had really severe reflux, projectile, and would sputter and choke sometimes. We were afraid she would aspirate, so we began allowing her to spend some of the night with us. When I was pregnant with Brittan and Ryan began working nights, it was just easier to put her to bed in her bed and allow her to come in when she needed. Brittan and Grayson did not cosleep originally as long, both did well in the bassinet and crib, but Grayson has been back with me almost every night the last year and a half (keep in mind Haven only stopped coming in 2 years ago). While there are nights I wish Gray wouldn't come in, I know he still needs it. I know this by the way he reaches out to touch my arm or face when he is sleeping and how once he makes contact, his whole little body settles right back into a deep sleep. While it isn't for everyone, I don't regret the many nights I saved us all from bad sleep by just letting the kids snuggle in.

Too early!

I really cannot get this internal clock thing right! I am not sure if it is leftover from the time change, pregnancy, or stress, but I am all over the place for sleep!

Last night I taught, came home and did some work and hit the sack about midnight...this was after waking up before 6 am yesterday. I woke a few times in the night and at 6:15 I was WIDE awake. I have a lot to do today, so I need this early up to help not hinder. I need to see how Haven is feeling, Ryan said she had a fever last night and was under the weather, so if she is feeling ill, she will be home. I need to get some more painting done, organize the living room a bit and do some laundry. Then we need to run to PT school to sign some forms and then back home to make dinner and get all that good stuff done. Thursday is the fetal echocardiogram and I need to finish the painting and cleaning...my mom comes on Friday!

Pluses and Minuses

There are always positives and negatives to any situation. The last week and a half there have been a few things going on here simultaneously, but the one that has been the most unnerving has been related to Grayson. He has presented some unusual symptoms, including a complete loss of appetite (which is sloooooowly coming back), extreme exhaustion (12-13 hours of sleep a night and 3 hour naps), and complaints of all over pain. We have been back and forth to the doctor a bit, and so far we have had the worse two tests come back negative, so no leukemia or diabetes. However, the doctor is concerned that he may be in early stages of diabetes, so we are watching that, but I am hopeful that is not the case. We are waiting on a few more tests, and then he will go see the cardiologist and the allergist to rule our problems there. It is terribly scary to face health concerns with your child, and having just gone through some serious testing last fall with Haven, I am not enjoying the repeat. Fingers crossed it is some weird virus or stage and nothing bad.

Mondays can be difficult

Not one child in this house wanted to wake up this morning, let along wake up early. Somehow we all made it out the door and off to school, although Gray was not thrilled about it. Back home, and I have done a bit of work and need to kick it into high gear before I need to go grab Grayson. I need to get the kitchen straigtened, call the sitter, switch the laundry, vacuum and generally pick up...not to mention get ready for work and cook dinner....I better get going!

Can I just say

that baby bumps and kicks are the greatest feeling in the world. Somehow they make everything right.

Wiped out!

I am just beat after today! i got a bunch more painting done, the room isn't complete, but with three kids underfoot and a million other tasks, I did make some headway. I have gotten everything ready for tomorrow, including lunches and clothes for the kids since we have an early start and Haven has a field trip. I still have a paper to write, but it looks pretty manageable, so I think it will move quickly. Tomorrow, after dropping the brood, I am headed back home to paint some more, work on the laundry, get ready for work and do some cleaning. Tuesday will be a big cleaning day getting ready for my mom and I also want to finish the painting that day so I expect to be tired and sore :)

So far, cooking without an oven has been interesting! I made burritos tonight with ground beef and black beans and my own mix of seasoning. My kids love spicy food, so we made it to the families liking and they enjoyed. Tomorrow will be pretty simple, kielbasi and pierogies since I have work, and Tuesday we will grill. Somehow we will make it until the new stove comes, and I am so very excited to try it out with a roast or some cookies!

Bad dreams

just stink.

I had two that were pretty bad last night and they made me feel rotten waking up this morning. Then I was greeted by three hungry kids who jumped into my bed for a snuggle, and it got better. Already put a hot breakfast into the kiddos and getting ready to paint. I must do the second coat behind the couch so I can move everything back, and then on to the last small wall and the fireplace wall....which will be an adventure! I think the small wall can be done today, but the fireplace wall will wait until Tuesday when only Gray is home and we can dismantle everything and move it into the middle of the room. By Wednesday evening, I need to be cleaning up since my mom arrives on Friday and Ryan's mom on Tuesday!

Off to eat breakfast to fuel up for the day!

A sign of times or is it just retro?

I am thrilled that the First Lady is putting in an organic garden, it says a lot to the public when the first family, who can buy as much organic produce they want, choose to grow their own. I find it interesting all the news reports about how many people are planting gardens and how it is a sign of the times...but my parents always had a garden because it was a cheap way to feed us good food. Ryan and I have also worked hard to grow as much as we can on our little plot which this year includes onions, garlic, herbs, spinach, a number of lettuces, two kinds of cucumbers, two kinds of beans, two kinds of tomatoes, parsnips, carrots, zucchini, yellow squash, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries and if the birds don't get them...pears! We are also planting apple trees (4) and two more pear trees, but they will take a few years to produce.

We also belong to a CSA which gets us even more local fresh produce, and we take advantage of local pick your own farms where we pick strawberries, blueberries and apples...and this year I also hope to get some blackberries. We know the cost savings, for example our CSA costs us $440 for 18 weeks of produce, that is just under $25 per week and we get a huge bag of assorted fruits and vegetables, even honey some weeks! All is local and organic, and we freeze a lot of it for winter eating. We picked 120 lbs of apples this year and it cost us about $60 but we canned enough to last us until next season. I am thrilled that others are joining the backyard garden movement, there is no better way to feed your family!

Another busy day!

I have been feeling so much better lately, which is great since I have so much to do and need the energy! Today we all slept in, which was a wonderful treat. After that, the kids did a quick straightening up and I headed to the grocery store. Back home to make the kids a hot lunch, then got all but one thing graded. Ryan finished the wall that needed to be patched and I started the painting, and while only about 25% of the room is painted, I LOVE the color! It is a really warm brown, and looks a bit like hot chocolate...mmmm! Tonight I will put the second coat on these walls and finish cutting in the lower walls. We are always in the family room, and I wanted it to be warm and inviting, and this really works.

After the room is painted, we will move the new television stand, desk and end table in and it will be perfect. This was one of the big tasks that I needed done before the new baby comes this summer. The other big task is the carpet in the playroom...we found what we want to put down, but it will need to wait until after the planting is done. I am also considering painting that room before the new carpet goes in, but I am not sure what I want to do. I do know that we will be putting in a new larger blackboard area and Ryan plans to put in more shelving, but for some reason I cannot decide on a color I love. I am sure it will come to me!

Full day, full life

We had a busy day today, but it was still full of joy as the sun was shining and there was just a hint of spring in the air. After dropping Gray at school, I headed up to Wegman's for some grocery store therapy. When it is not crowded, there is something soothing about walking about and considering the possibilities of it all. They have an incredible homeopathic section, so I spent a good while just smelling the oils and thinking of all the things that could be done with them.

After Wegman's I ran home to drop off the groceries and had a nice chat with my mom, sometimes it amazes me how easy it is for her to soothe my soul with her help and feedback. Then off to grab the very tired boy from school and home to get his belly fed. We planted the onions in the afternoon, did some good old fashioned cleaning and I headed to the OB. Seems I am down even more in the weight department, but the baby is doing well with me measuring a full FOUR weeks ahead! Not sure what the doc is going to do with that, but it is a comfort that she is growing even if I am not gaining! The doc also said he would consider a VBAC, which was really good for me, and I know he will make the right choice for me and the baby.

Headed back home to cook up some dinner, then was gifted a phone cal from Chelle who always makes me smile.

Now I am beat and just want to head to bed, hubby says I can sleep in tomorrow and then I will be painting the family room and grading.

Creative cooking

I just placed the order for my new stove and I am more than a little excited. When you cook as much as I do, a good stove is a necessity. The new stove matches the kitchen and has a huge oven....it has three racks! Now the real issue is how I will cook to feed the family for the next week and a half with no oven...this will take some creativity! Good thing the weather has turned a bit, so we can always grill. I also can use the stove top and may be trying out some crockpot recipes. Feeding the kids microwave or take out is simply not a choice here, that stuff is poison!

Today is easy, burgers on the grill! Not sure what is one the agenda for tomorrow, maybe grilled chicken salad? This will be an adventure!

Onwards and upwards they say

So...between the oven and other crap, no planting got done today. Tomorrow morning I will need to get a jump on things, we are rapidly running out of time, and if we want to eat, we must do the labor.

I think I found a range I like, it has a HUGE oven which will make me very happy...plus it is a coil top, which is important for canning. The downside is it will take about a week to come in, the up side is it will be pretty and new and will work well.

Needless to say, drama and pregnancy and worries about a child just do not mix well...tomorrow will be brighter.

On the hunt

My oven door broke....and it is a problem. To fix the door is over 200 dollars...and I hate the stove. So now I am shopping for a new range, which is fine, except all our appliances are bisque and it is hard to find something I can get in in the next week or so. Ah well, at least I am getting a new, nice stove...which is great because we use it a lot! Now I need to figure out how to feed the family without an oven for the next week or so!

Ha

A facebook shunning, how puerile.

Tutoring update

It went really well, the woman is very smart and well educated, just needs some help with grammar and style...super easy for me!

Oh and she paid me in advance...in cash...wooohoooo!

First tutoring night

Tonight is the first night I am to tutor, and I have three hopes. The first is that the lady shows up :) The second is that it goes well and I am able to show her what she needs to learn. The third is she pays in cash! I will let you know :)

Here comes Spring!

It seems to have crept up, but spring is on the horizon! My onions are getting ready to be planted later today or early tomorrow. I have some grading to do over the next two days, and once that is done, I want to get the family room painted. We also need to start the seeds and get the garden soil ready. The unfortunate thing is that tomorrow my husband has an appointment in the morning and the kids come home early from school, and Friday I have two doctors appointments, so I will be booked all day. The goal, by Sunday, is to have the onions in the ground, the tomato, cucumber, and squash seeds started and the family room painted. I also need to get the herb garden going, it should be able to be out out soon, and the lettuce and spinach are also ready to be planted. Hectic as it may be, this time of year is full of renewed hope and joy for us...now if only we can get the work done and the mucky soil dry out a bit!

Can't keep my mouth (or hands) quiet

OK...so I have thought long and hard about what to do with this here blog. At first I was going to simply delete it and start over somewhere else, but that wasn't the right choice. Then I was going to make it private, but private blogs aggravate me. Then I thought about changing my focus....and that is what I think I will do, as I am tired of my own words being used against me. I choose to no longer speak about my personal feelings and relationships outside my family here....I did create a separate location for that and don't think I will be sharing.

So back to my original focus and the reason I began this in the first place-my family and our choices to be more eco-friendly and self sustaining even while existing within suburbia. My whole world's focus has been shifted by these choices, and like anything, there are rewards and sacrifices. So on to the Spring plan.

Breaking hiatus

to wish everyone a Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Be safe, well and make good choices.

Now back to my hole which is decorated with green and gold for the day......

Hiatus

I think I need a break from the blog...probably facebook too. There are moments you just need to disconnect.

Seashell eating Banshees

My kids have been wild today! I think that the spring like weather last week spoiled them, and now that it has rained for days on end and they are trapped inside, they are going a bit stir crazy. Needless to say, they have been loud, crazy, screaming, leaping, loony kids today. Thankfully they are now eating dinner, shell pasta with homemade sauce with sausage. The shells wouldn't have been my choice with such a chunky sauce, especially not the mini shells, but they insisted and they are happy. Now I need to get clothes on to go to the store in the yucky rain and then home to finish my paper.

Contractions suck

I have been having really bad contractions the last few days...I am pretty sure my OB is going to be unhappy with that come Tuesday when I see him. With two of the kids, both the girls in fact, I dilated between 22 and 24 weeks....I fear we are heading that route again.

Oh well,husband says drink more water and rest...as he heads off to bed. We will see how it goes. I also need to get Gray in to the doctor tomorrow, he needs to get some blood work done.

Zero to overwhelmed

I am not sure how it happens, one minute everything feels calm and in order....the next, I am overwhelmed!

I think my stress this morning is stemming from a huge paper I have due tonight that I have barely glanced at. Even though I KNOW I will look at it this morning and get a plan, the looming paper feeling is not a nice one. I also have a lot of grading to do for PT school, so I need to push through at least 20 more papers today. I also need to grade an additional 50 by the end of the week...sounds like fun right?

I have no plans for dinner, which is not like me, and I have a ton of housework to do. Some Sundays that is fine, the kids behave and help and we move along merrily. However yesterday the kids were fighting and being difficult, so I am not sure how today will go better.

Add to it that I am feeling very, very put off by someone right now and I don't like it. In addition, never before have I been in a relationship where I had someone else make me feel like they only put into it when they want something. It hurts my heart and makes me pull deep inside the comforts of my home and family. I don't like feeling like I am being used, and I really don't enjoy when someone can't be bothered to give me the time of day when I have stuff going on, but expects me to jump through hoops for them when they do. The sad part is, I am always willing to do the jumping, that is my world, I am 100% invested, but don't treat me like crap while I am doing it..

Bumping along

Today was a long day! The crew and I got up early as the neighbor girls were coming over so their parents could attend a meeting. The kids all played and had fun while I did some work and Ryan worked on fixing the part of the wall where the curtain rod pulled out. It is almost fixed, so I should be able to paint soon. The girls went home, and I went to the store and learned on the way that Ryan's car needed some work. Thankfully the cost was manageable.

Back home, fed the kids, laundry, cleaning, grading and so on! Made a good dinner and worked some more. I am pretty wiped and need to finish some work tomorrow and write a paper. I also need to get to the store Monday to get soil to start planting....spring is coming!

What to do, what to do?

We got some really great news yesterday...actually we had a great money day yesterday (and the day before) and it was just in time! On Thursday I was offered a tutoring gig...just one hour a week working with a woman whose first language is not English. She needs some help with professional writing, right up my alley! Yesterday Obama's "Making Work Pay" showed up in my pay...and it was better than expected. Then, just before 5 pm we got the best call ever, our mortgage company agreed to lower our rate (it was absurd) and due to the paperwork processing...we get to skip a payment!!! We are saving $364 a month just from the rate being lowered, add to that a months worth of tutoring and the added income in our checks and it clears just under $700 bucks.....that is awesome :)

So now....what to do today? I have grading to work on, and a paper, but I also need to get busy making stock. Tonight will be chicken pot pie...mmmmm. I also have laundry to fold...better yet the girls have laundry to fold later today. Tomorrow I hope to start painting, finish the flannel baby wipes and start making the diaper doublers. Busy busy busy!

Friday Thoughts

This will be simple....I feel like crap, my kid feels like crap, my house is a mess and I am not sure why I give a crap when no one else does.

Sew busy

I got quite a bit done today, especially being that this nasty cold is making me feel crummy. Did some morning work..course checks. Then worked on cleaning up the house and tackled the kitchen, family room and dining room. Busted out the new sewing machine and became acquainted. Today I made 16 flannel cloth wipes and will need to make at least another 25. I also started rehemming the curtains in the living room that the evil cats unhemmed. Then I need to move on to the diaper liners, I have fleece for those. I want to practice on the simple things before I take on my first outfit for the baby. My goal is to be ready when my mom comes on the 28th so she can help me cut, pin and sew my first item. My girls have asked from some items for summer....so peasant skirts for Haven, sundresses for Brittan and dresses and rompers for the new baby girl.

I also have a nice dinner that we will enjoy if Ryan and Haven ever get home from riding! Yummy T-bones on the grill from the farm, rice and salad....healthy and simple. Tonight I have to run a call, plus I have to do some schoolwork. Tomorrow I will make the farm run and I may take Gray to play with friends. Ry needs to fix the family room wall where the curtains were pulling out...and I need to start painting that room!

The big sort

Tonight I went through the bins of baby clothes that I have. Since having the girls, O passed along a lot of my girlie stuff and obviously Gray was a boy so I feared I was without clothes. After looking through tonight I was pleasantly surprised to see I have a TON of onsies, some cute little pants, and a bunch of sleepers that were unisex enough to work. I did, however, pull out a few sleep sacks that are VERY blue and will use them anyway. The babies only use the sacks a few months and only at night....so why spend more money just because they are the "wrong" color. Needless to say, I can now concentrate a bit more on cute stuff...I need to get some girl shirts/onsies, a few pink sleepers and some dresses, and of course socks :)

My kid's teacher is an ass

OK...so maybe that seems harsh, but as the child of teachers, from a family of teachers, and hell I AM a teacher, I feel that is an appropriate conclusion. Quick background...Haven has some issues, food allergies, undiagnosed seizures until this year, some auditory processing issues as a result of long term seizures. She is on medication daily and needs it to stop the seizures and sort out all of the information she gets in. DESPITE these challenges, she has always achieved. She was on level all the way through until last year where she was above grade level in reading. She had a really bad first grade year and has struggled with writing but is grasping it and doing very well. She reads on at least a fifth or sixth grade level (she is 8) and is a whiz at math and science. We have had to meet with the school twice this year to have some changes made to her classroom to accommodate her (which the first time the teacher did not make). Nothing major, a place where she can stand to work if needed and stress balls to squeeze, she gets easily overwhelmed with all of the information she now gets without the seizures. She was also to be provided stickers with her name, she was getting in trouble for not writing her name on her paper....the kid was just trying to remember the damn instructions and do the work! Then she was supposed to get a review at the end of the day to make sure the important concepts and instructions were understood (has NEVER happened), and her teacher is supposed to provide a printout of anything that is put up on the board (hardly ever happens), copying is a slow, difficult process for Haven. ALL of these are reasonable and well within the limits of her disorder. In addition, by instituting these things, it will help Haven learn new processes and not need adaptations anymore.

So....why is she an ass? She is an ass because my daughter's progress report came home today and the woman had two nice things and three nasty things to say-and they were nit picky nasty. She can never just praise the child for the HUGE strides she has made this year. Then I look at Haven's work from last week and three exams she scored perfect...PERFECT and then Haven told me the teacher yelled at her for having a letter backwards! Is she kidding me! She didn't praise the child for being able to copy HUGE words or for answering ALL the questions correctly...no, she criticized her for making an error that she knows has been a struggle. See....ass.

Big Plans

So we did head to the doctor and Gray is a-ok, just a rotten cold, but he needs to continue his asthma treatments. Ryan got the buckets ready for me today. I need to get some cheap spray paint, paint the buckets, and then get the right soil/compost mix into them to grow the onions. He also began digging and turning the garden, that should be worked on again this weekend, and plants will be started within two weeks. Spring is in the air, and the planting and planning has begun!

Sniffles

Seems Gray and I have caught a bug. I am hoping it is just a cold settling in, but he has had a low fever and his chest sounds really raspy, so he may be making a trip to the pediatrician. I can't complain too much, he hasn't been in all winter, and after last year when we were there multiple times per week, this has been a mild winter. The sad part is that I also have his cold and it is right back in my sinuses! I am hopeful that the mass amounts of antibiotics I have been on will prevent another sinus infection, but I will be watching things closely. On the bright side,the baby girl has been very active the last few days and I think we are heading into the pokes,jabs and kicks phase of pregnancy. I love when I can feel the baby move a lot, it is so good for the soul.

A bad day a good day

Yesterday we had plans to hop on the metro and head into DC to the Air and Space Museum. We woke up and began getting ready, and then it all fell apart. I can sum it up in just a few words...sassy kids..mouthing off...messy MESSY rooms...laundry...mad mommy..mad daddy...no trip. So the kids spent most of the day learning responsibility and cleaning their rooms and washing and folding laundry. Maybe next time they won't throw clean clothes in the dirty pile or shove clean folded clothes in the closet after seeing how much work it takes.

While they slaved and the husband oversaw, I went out to the fabric store. I found two cute flannel patterns to make into blankets for the baby, as well as a bunch of remnant flannel to be made into wipes and some good fleece to make into diaper doublers,also remnant.

So today was a new day and we decided to give the trip to DC a go again. While we had some bumps, we made it out the door and on our way and everyone perked up. We had a nice visit to the museum and while Gray was a bit over excited and had a hard time listening, he also is sick so we gave him a bit of slack. They had a fun day, we hit Wegmans on the way home and then made it back in time to grill up some burgers and the kids played outside. Back to the grind tomorrow!

It was the big day!

OK...leading up today's ultrasound I had a lot of anxiety.....A LOT. This came from the fact that I was very anemic early on, as well as suffering from severe morning sickness followed by the never ending sinus infection. I have lost weight this pregnancy as well.

All of this made me very afraid, worried about defects and the possibility that I wasn't getting enough food in to support a growing baby. Ryan, Emily and I went to the ultrasound place this morning and I was so relieved. Not only is the baby healthy, it is actually a week ahead! All important pieces were there, and as best they can tell, we are expecting a healthy baby GIRL!! Come mid-July, Teagan Jayne Kelley will be joining the tribe :)

Feeling powerless.

The last few nights have brought me a lot of anxiety...more than normal. I am not sure why, but the overwhelming sense of fear and dread is too much to take at times. I know the roots of it all, the first being the ultrasound on Friday. I am worried that something is wrong with the baby, and until I know for sure, I will be scared.

The other concern is that both cars need inspections...and that often means they need repairs. I need to get them done this week so I know the affect on our bank account. While we can pay for some repairs, it would dig into my little savings account that I want so to hold on to.

That brings me to money. We have pretty secure jobs, but with all of the economy talk, and rising costs, we are having a tough time some months. We have talked to our mortgage company to see if they can lower our rate, I won't share the exact rate but it would make you pass out. If they can help, that will take the pressure off, if not, well then we trudge ahead.

In addition to all of this, we need to get the plants going for spring. Even though the ground is covered in snow, planting is a mere six to eight weeks away. Seeds are in, and I just need to secure the onion and garlic plants. I also need to stock the pantry before summer, as I like to conserve our money during the summer months. A stocked pantry, a full garden and the CSA keep us very well fed during the summer months and create an ability to stock the pantry for winter.

The baby is coming and I need to prepare. I have a crib, dresser, sling and swing. I need a new car seat and stroller, and will ask for that for my birthday. I need a new bouncer and will get one in the next week. The first group of diapers are ordered and I need to get a bunch more so we are stocked up. In addition I will need to go through the clothes once I know the baby's gender to see what we have and what we need. Thankfully my sewing machine will arrive this week and I will go and get some cheap fleece to make doublers and wipes. I am also going to be brave and try to figure out how to sew some simple pants and if a girl, jumpers.

The last stress is my mother in law. She is supposed to move in the end of the month, but we don't know. I need to know the plan, and while there are a lot of negatives and fears associated with her being here, there are also a few positives including extra help and possibly a small donation toward the homestead each month. So that is it in a nutshell.....the reality of our life. While we are doing better than many, it still is hard to be at this point in our lives, raising small children and working towards stability, and to live in a nation which is struggling. Until it gets better, we will just keep paddling.

Another snow day

The kids are home...again...and I am losing my mind!

I can do summer, we get into a groove and it all just works, but days off in winter are harder. Maybe it is because I have more stress, or that it just screws up the schedule, but here we are.

I am planning on taking them out, we need to go to Target to return something, and I promised them lunch out, so that should kill a few hours. Then I will throw them outside to play in the snow, hopefully making them very, very, tired!

Off to gather the tribe.....three days until my ultrasound!!!!

Well.....we have snow

and lots of it!

Kid's are home from school, husband is struggling to get home from work and I am trying to figure out what to do with my class tonight. Since class was cancelled last week due to my impromptu ER trip, I have scheduled an exam for tonight. The students are studied and ready, but the roads are really bad. I hate that the school makes us make the decision about our classes, they cancelled through noon, but my class is at night and already students are emailing that they are afraid to drive. To be fair, this is VA and we don't get 8-9 inches of snow very often.

I have a back up take home exam...but will only issue it if at least 25% of the class cannot come. I guess I will wait and see!

Real Snow???

They are calling for a real snow here and to say we are excited is an understatement! I am a winter person, and I love to hunker down with a fire and cook all day when it is chilly. While we have had some bitter days this year, the snowfall has been sad, so I am hoping we will get covered!

So far today I have a warm fire going...and I hope to keep it going into tomorrow! I am cooking up a hot lunch to fill my children who seem to be bottomless pits, and there are muffins for snack today. Dinner will be hearty and wholesome baked pasta, salad and bread and if the snow falls, we will have strawberry shortcake, my favorite snowy day dessert!

I ordered a new sewing machine and will gt a bunch of fleece to bring to my mom's in April. She has assured me that she will teach me to make some of the baby clothes, and I am hoping to convince her to crochet me a few wool shorties...I will bring her the yarn and the pattern :)

OK...of to do housework and watch the kids play.

Looking on the bright side

OK...so my MIL may or may not move in, and we have no vacation next week, but I am going to post all the GOOD things :)

1. I am finally feeling better...I hope it lasts, but I will totally take it for now!

2. Guess who just ordered the first group of cloth diapers? Me me me!!! I am trying out a bunch of things, prefolds, all in ones and fitteds...I am even being super brave and getting a few fleece and wool longies. My plan...get a few things at a time and then when the baby comes, see what we like best and invest in more of those. There are a million choices, so I know something will work...and even the hubby is on board!

3. Gues who hasn't ordered any maternity clothes? Yep...me again! So far I don't need them, although a few shirts may be needed in the next month...but my pants and skirts are all working for me, pays to lose a ton of weight before getting pregnant.

4. My pantry is super stocked...that always makes me happy. It also makes it easy to make dinner.

5. We got the swing and bassinet down and while both need a good cleaning, they are good to go.

6. I am thinking of going to my mom's after easter, and then I am going to make her teach me to use the sewing machine...while she is teaching me I am going to get her to help me make a bunch of pants for the baby and if it is a girl, a few jumpers.

7. Since we aren't going away, I have a little extra cash to put towards baby gear and I can get what I want.

8. It is almost garden season...for us this means we have food for the summer and some to put away for winter, delicious, home grown, organic food.

9. My ultrasound is on Friday and the first thing i want to know is that the baby is a-ok, the second thing is if it is a boy or girl.

10. My whole house is clean...well there is laundry, but other wise we are in a good place.

11. My two weeks off will give me ample time to paint the family room :)


This is just a sampling, so I should be thankful not sad!

Do the gods just hate me????

OK...so it has been a crummy run. Last week was the fun trip to the ER...now I think the sinus thing is finally moving out and in place my wisdom tooth is killing me! Back to the dentist I guess to see the oral surgeon so he can rip it out of my face while I am still awake! Then yesterday I called the resort that we were supposed to head to in a week to check the reservation, etc. I cannot explain to you how excited I was about this trip. We had been waiting over a year to go to this place, it was all prepaid and it is a timeshare so the accommodations are super comfy. We cannot go anywhere for a long time with the baby coming, so we needed this trip, hell I NEEDED this trip! All moms know that the only way you can catch any notion of a break is to get away from home.

So when I am talking to the people, we find out that the whole place is under construction, and there is only internet in the lobby...which I would have to drive to...multiple times per day.....since I WORK from home and work when we are away. So now we can't go, I can't miss an entire week while classes are going on! Usually it is such a blessing to work my job, no set hours and no set location, I have worked from the beach, Disney, etc and never had an issue...but now we are trapped at home. It was my spring break from PT school and the hubby took off, the kids were getting to take a week off of school and now they are very sad, we all are. The trip will still get taken, but not for a few years when we will use the points to go to Disney with all FOUR kids. Damn resort :(

So now we have all this time off and no where to go...except now the hubby thinks we should go up to NY for the weekend to help push his mother along. Umm..fun? I would be happy to go if it meant we could do something remotely fun, like take the kids to the city, but I am sure I will get trapped in the yucky house cleaning and packing. Argh, not what I had planned for a vacation :(

On the bright side, we got down the bassinet and the swing and both look to be in decent condition. I am on the hunt for a replacement swing pad, ours is almost 7 years old, but worse comes to worse ole' Nana will be making one.

The big evaluation

I took Gray today for a speech evaluation. It seems that lots of folks were concerned with his pronunciation, which I agree could use some work. So in we went, and out we came. It seems he scored above age for all skills and on level for pronunciation. The evaluator did note that while he can pronounce words well alone, he does have some trouble in conversation. The evaluator believes it will work itself out as long as we keep encouraging proper pronunciation. They are going to see if they can give us some exercises, but it seems he is just a late bloomer...whew!

Ah the stress of it all...and a glimmer of sunshine

See, here is the thing..I stress about money even when we have it. Right now we are a-ok and still I am worried. I worry that something will come up, some crazy expense or big huge mess. I know that we have back up and that if something terrible happened, we could get help...but still I worry. I guess the upside to that is that I am being pretty cautious with the money we do have. We have the trip coming up in just over a week, but we have a kitchen in the house and I will be able to feed the kids most of their meals there. We have a few outings planned, nothing crazy and nothing too expensive. The gas and boarding the dog should be the biggest expenses.

On the bright side, I went to Wegman's for the first time today, and I fell in love. Not only is the store beautiful and filled with so many wonderful items, but they have a great organic section and the prices were fantastic. I know I can get a list for Wegman's and think I will get one sooner rather than later...it will be worth it.

A super fun trip to the ER

Last night the pain in my face became so bad that I couldn't see, I was having a hard time breathing, was sick to my stomach and had a hard time standing. I was supposed to give an exam, but needed to go to the hospital and was very concerned that the racing heart was going to cause me issues with my heart condition or hurt the baby. Ryan and the kids drove me and it was so packed with sick people that I wouldn't let the kids come in for fear that would catch something. Ryan went to Emily's with the kids, they had supper and she helped them pass the time (thanks Em!) and then Ryan took the kids home. Meanwhile I sat in the waiting room for a few hours, went to triage, had blodd drawn and then went back to the waiting room. Then I saw a nurse and a Physician's Assistant who after poking me and telling me my blood work was OK with the exception of bad anemia and low potassium, they were discharging me! Before I could say anything, she was gone and then Emily showed up. I was so upset since they never even checked on why I was in pain, or if the baby was OK! She came, then a new really crazy nurse named Judy came in and we told her we were really upset about not seeing a doctor given how sick I have been and the fact that an ongoing infection is dangerous when you have a heart condition.

The nurse went and explained to the PA who came in and was appalled that we wanted to see a real doctor that she wasn't good enough! Needless to say, the doctor came in and was very nice, we expressed our concerns and he moved on it. They checked the baby's heartbeat, which he said they should have done from the start, and sent me for a facial x-ray. He also snuck in a portable ultrasound and tried to find the baby...he is out of practice but there were a few glimpses of he/she bouncing about. The ended up saying it is just a sinus infection and gave me a new antibiotic, new pain meds and a nasal spary. Fingers crossed this third round knocks it out.

Hey...who wants to hear more complaining?????

Sorry, but I have more to share. I swear I am not usually a whiner, and I have been preggers three other times, but this one is just sucky. I have felt like crap since the day I got pregnant, between morning sickness, two..YES TWO rounds of the stomach flu, a the evil sinus/tooth/face infection that still is lingering and the inability to eat...I am miserable. When I say I can't eat, I mean I REALLY can't eat...like less than what a normal person snacks on a day on most days. This is leading me to feel very tired and weak and it makes me worry about how the baby is doing. I am heading to Richmond to see a doc tomorrow and I hope he can make me feel a little better. Maybe I will be eating again soon, although it stinks that I have to waste the one day I planned to stay home all day and clean.

Calling all cloth diapering mamas

I am losing my mind!

I want to try a few different things, and know that we may use disposables sometimes as well and will have a stash of Earth's Best on hand. Here is my issue, how do you know what works with a new one? I am planning on about 10 covers, 36 prefolds, 12 all in ones and 4-5 fitted. I want to know what works and what doesn't. I can see using prefolds and covers at home when the baby is really small, then relying more on pockets and fitted with covers when we are out or the baby is bigger. I am so lost!

Busy little bees

We have been a busy bunch! Last night Ryan and I had a nice night out to dinner with the Fallon's at the Melting Pot. It was a fun time, good company and food, and I was wiped when we came home! Then today Haven and I had Thinking Day for Brownies, and while the event was pretty small overall the girls had fun and all the moms were chatting and enjoying themselves as well. Then we came home and headed out to the store. We went to Circuit City to see what was left, alas not much, however we still managed to spend a ton! Then over to the unfinished wood store where we bought a new television stand, desk and end table. Once the family room is painted and the new curtains are up, we will stain the furniture and put the room together, and I am so excited!

Now I need to write a paper and do some grading. Kids are having leftover turkey for dinner...hopefully we will make a dent in it!

My (current) baby

Grayson is totally his mama's boy. He loves me wholly and I him...and he is always the first to hug and kiss me and defend and protect me. The last few months he has not been sleeping well, waking up crying most nights by 9:30. Since Ryan works nights, I allow Gray to sleep with me. We have always been cosleepers, when they are born they sleep with us and the are welcome to stay as long as the want. Gray and Brittan started sleeping in their own beds around 18 months and both slept well...Haven on the other hand only started sleeping through the night in her room last year. Since Gray was sick last year and was in the hospital, he has never slept the same. It makes Ryan crazy, but I know that he needs it. Plus I get a few special morning snuggles!

Woohooo

Yeah for tax returns!!! We got our state today after a little hoopla, but it is here and I am happy. Federal should be in the end of the week or early next week, and I am super excited. We have no big plans for the tax return, although a small amount will go to the new furniture in the family room, but that is pretty minimal. A small amount will pay for the summer CSA which keeps us in veggies all summer long, and another small portion will go to our garden this summer. Other than that, no big plans. I do need to gather some baby supplies, not too much stuff, being #4 and all this mama is pretty relaxed about the gear and I am hoping to borrow a bunch from a very sweet little Gracie who just turned 1!

So onwards into a new year:)

Tempurpedic

My boy makes me laugh. Last night I came home from class around 11 and he was up. The sitter said he was having a rough night and missed us. So when I went to bed, he came with me. I was watching TV and I thought he was sleeping when he rolled over. This was the conversation:

Gray "Did you know there is a place called Tempurpedic?

Me "Um, did you say Tempurpedic?"

Gray "Yes, you know Tempurpedic...you sleep there"

Me (laughing) "Oh, ok."

Gray "This bed" (pointing to my bed)"Has metal springs and they add to our pain"

Me (now laughing really hard) "So what is the Tempurpedic made out of?"

Gray "I don't know. It is magic and you can make handprints in it!"

I am not sure where he saw the commercial enough times to MEMORIZE it! Maybe he is an advertising genius :)

I hate the state

I want my tax refund and I want it now! They approved it on the 11th and they STILL have my money,and to make matters worse....now they are sending me a check and not direct depositing it! Damn state.

I was planning to roast a turkey today and was looking forward to a warm house that smells like Thanksgiving...but the turkey was still a bit frozen even after sitting in the fridge for 4 days, so it will now have to wait until Thursday. I guess we will have to have chili which the husband has been requesting. At least I got the fire made so we will be warm and I am debating making a cake just to occupy my mind a bit...oh never mind I have to work!

Vacations...Babies..Money....ARGH

It is weird to be feeling poor and planning vacations! It is always this way, so I needn't be surprised, but it is still odd.

BREAKING NEWS: Hubby just got a HUGE bonus and a nice raise...wooohoooo!

OK, so this summer we are limited on travel as the baby is due in the middle of July and I won't be able to travel much once the kids are out of school. We will, however, head to Sesame Place for Gray's birthday and stay one night. Even though the baby will only be a few weeks old, we should be able to do that park without too many problems.

Next summer we are trying to plan another trip with the Fallons. Hopefully we will book a beach house this summer in the OBX so we are all set for next year. The best part about traveling with the Fallons is that they understand what it is like to have a brood of kids, and we just go and have fun. Last summer we rented a four bedroom house and no one used the fourth bedroom, so we are looking at three bedroom houses for next year. So long as there are two bunk beds and some other place for kids to crash like a loft or game room, we are all set. The baby will room with Ryan and I and hopefully will be old enough to allow he and I some quiet time sitting out on the deck. Then we can enjoy the beach and the joys of relaxation.

Oh how I wish summer was already here!

Hair!

Let me preface this with...I am a HUGE fan of musicals and two of my all time faves are Hair and Godspell.

OK, so today I decided I wanted to go to NY, stay the night and see a show with the hubby. Besides having to find someone to stay with the kids on a Friday night, I need to decide what show. Then I saw Hair was playing....and hotels are reasonable....and now I NEED to get an overnight sitter so we can leave one Friday morning and come back Saturday evening. What a joy it would be to head to NY just the two of us, stay in the hotel..alone. Eat a nice dinner out and then enjoy a leisurely breakfast...maybe even in bed! Oh what a glorious dream...I am going to have to beg my mom to come :)

A time to plan

Spring is creeping up on us and around here that means planning. We start planning the gardens, the flowers, the tasks that we must do each spring and summer...and let me tell you, there is always a lot!

We have been on the fence about chickens for a few years, and we finally decided that this year we would get on building the coop and run. Then, if we find some older pullets, we will get them, otherwise next year we will order baby chicks. The farm had extra pullets for sale last year, so that would be ideal, they are older and closer to laying, and I don't have to mess with raising baby chicks along with being preggers and having to do the spring workload.

One big item on the agenda, besides the coop, is to get the seed order placed. We are going to try heirloom seeds this year, and I am hoping they will be fruitful. Ryan also needs to get the garden prepped and the grow station up so we can start the seeds next month. Often we wait too long to plant in the ground, this year we will use the biodegradable mulch material to raise the ground temp, and plant early. I also need to get the soaker hoses to weave through the garden and I may install a barrel at the top of the hill to collect rainwater we can use with the soakers.

Spring is such an exciting time for us...I can't wait to get started!

Adventures in Cooking

I am always ready to try something new that will fill my kids bellies and save me a little time. I hate them eating cereal for breakfast on school days, especially in winter, but oatmeal takes a little while to make. I also like to make my own oatmeal combos using dried fruits to make it exciting. Last night I decided to try and make oatmeal in my crockpot overnight. Some people had problems with theirs burning and recommended cooking on warm...it did not work here. When I got up it was still soupy. I turned the heat up and somehow we managed to save the oatmeal and the kids are enjoying it as we speak. Today's concoction includes oats, of course, chopped dried figs, raisins, dried blueberries and dried apples. It was sweetened with some pure maple syrup and there is a dash of cinnamon sprinkled on top. I love that my kids are such great eaters!

Happy Valentines!

I know it is a Hallmark holiday and all...but who can resist an opportunity to share with those you love just how much they mean to you?

Our day started well. Last night Ryan and I set up the dining room with balloons, Valentines decorations and goodies for the kids. I made them pink heart shaped pancakes for breakfast and threw some fresh strawberry sauce on top. The girls are now playing at the neighbors and then all the kids will come back for a dinner of spaghetti and meatballs (hey its red!) followed by cupcakes.

We have had a nice, pleasant day...what more could I want?

So here is to wishing you all have nice days with the ones you love....doesn't it fill your heart to know they are there for the ordinary and extraordinary moments?

FInding the truth in it all

The last few weeks have been hard to say the least...but that is how life goes right? There are moments when it becomes clear how far you have come. This week I was saying that less than nine years ago my dreams were quite different. When Haven was born, all I wanted was my own home,and where we live, that was a townhouse. I wanted one so badly, but it never seemed to be a reality, yet when she was a mere 3 weeks old, we signed on our first home. It was a brand new townhome, under construction, and we were simply over the moon! While pining for that house, the only other two things I wanted in the world was a minivan (!) and to be able to be home with my baby. I got my minivan just before Brittan was born just two years later, and traded that van in a few years ago for my Trailblazer that I LOVE. I also did stay home, work part time and then full time again for a few years. Now, as I head into having baby #4 I am shocked at how different our world is. We have a nice home with plenty of room for us..having sold the townhome five years ago when we moved here. I have a car that will fit us all and has all the comforts...although I am not sure where we will put luggage when we travel :) I work from home with the exception of the two classes I teach on campus...which is more than I could have imagined. I cannot wait to see where we are in another 9 years!

A bowl of slop

I don't eat much for breakfast most days, if anything at all. That being said, lately I just don't eat much period....this could be why I am losing weight during my pregnancy, but I just not hungry most days. However, I am VERY excited that that the whole tribe is going out to dinner tonight...a rare treat for everyone and I have been craving a certain dish that I am thrilled to be having tonight...plus no cooking :)

This morning I woke up FAMISHED! Nothing has been sounding good lately, but this morning I wanted a bowl of slop. What, pray tell, is a bowl of slop? It is a yummy breakfast that isn't pretty to look at but is so good. Here is what I do, I take a small onion and grate it on a box grater...it will make you cry. Then I take a potato, skin on and washed, and grate it too. Throw both in the cast iron skillet with a plop of butter and let it cook, stirring often. You need the potatoes to get cooked so don't cook too fast, but when they are almost done, you want to crisp things up a bit. You can also add the meat of your choice or peppers, tomatoes, etc. I had a slice of leftover cooked bacon I diced up and threw in. Next I took an egg and scrambled it in a cup, and diced up some montarey jack cheese....any kind you like will work. Threw that together, cooked it with the onion, potato and bacon, salt and pepper and put it in a bowl with some diced tomatoes. Oh my gosh...not pretty to look at but so yummy, filling and comforting!

A taste of spring

We have had a warm few days here in Virginia, and after a winter that set in early this year with bitter cold in October, we enjoyed the break! While I know spring is a ways off, the sunshine, cool breezes and general change has lifted everyone's spirits.

Ryan and I love late winter/early spring as it is the start of garden planning. We learn a little more each year as we find ways to make our hilly, shady, difficult land fruitful. The addition of the large garden last year has helped, and we have some plans to add some growing areas this spring. Living in suburbia, even with almost an acre of land, can make homesteading difficult to say the least. The bulk of our property is either very steep, wooded or prone to flooding, which means we need to be creative. Our goals of moving are on hold due to the economy so we make this world work for us!

We are going to try some heirloom seeds this year, and if they go well, we will collect the seeds and save them for next year. In the big garden we will grow two kinds of pole beans, green and purple and will hopefully end up with plenty canned and frozen for winter. We will also have two kinds of cucumbers, eating and pickling, two kinds of tomatoes, yellow pear and plum, green and red peppers, yellow squash, zucchini, acorn and butternut squash. The berry patch has strawberries, blueberries, raspberries and blackberries. The patio area will have the leaf lettuces and herbs and the front garden will have the onions, garlic, carrots and parsnips. We also have two pear trees that had great production last year but we lost all of our fruit to the wildlife, so they will be netted this year. In addition we will plant three apple trees so we will have fruit in the next few years.

We supplement our home growing with a membership in a local CSA which provides us a ton of fresh food and a nice variety of everything from asian melons to kale. We pick strawberries by the flat and I can most as strawberry jam and strawberry topping with some being stored in the freezer for baking. Another local farm has blueberries we can pick, we get those by the bucket and they become jam or are frozen for pancakes, waffles or muffins. Pumpkins are picked up following Halloween, and while not as sweet as hubbard squash, they make a great cheap and tasty alternative in muffins and breads. Finally, we are lucky enough to live in apple country, so we pick apples in season. Last year it was 120 lbs that were processed into applesauce, apple butter, apple pie filling, diced apples and dried apples. Next year we need closer to 200 lbs as we are already out of applesauce and diced apples and dangerously low on all others!

2 am really bites

This jaw pain in the middle of the night game is really crappy and I have had enough. I am one who can get by on very limited amounts of sleep...it is what allows me to get so much done and still function, but even I can't keep up with this!

Almost every night for two weeks I am up between 1 and 2 am for hours! Hell on Monday night, I came home from work and never went to sleep because as soon as I laid down to..BOOM PAIN! So I have lost an entire night..the WHOLE night...not even 10 minutes of sleep, plus all of the nights where I only get 3-4 hours. I am really quite over this.

I began the new antibiotic, I need to take it every 8 hours, not very convenient given sometimes that falls on a time I *should* be sleeping, but I will try anything because I am desperate.

So here I sit, just swigged back a new pain pill, and hope that I can fall back asleep in the next hour so I can get 4 hours of sleep. Damn pain...GO AWAY!

Updates and schedules

Cardiologist appointment scheduled for April-new doc, claims to be easy going....we will see.

Hematologist appointment scheduled for March so I don't bleed to death...good plan.

OB sonogram, the super fun one, scheduled for March 6th.....very excited.

OB appointment scheduled for St. Patty's day....the corned beef and cabbage will have to start late that day, and well, no beer for me, green or otherwise.

Dentist says pain is NOT due to dental work needed, just a raging infection. New antibiotics and pain meds. This kid will be an addict before he/she is born.

Dentist appointment next week for check up.

Rescheduling consult with oral surgeon re wisdom tooth...sick of the doctor and dentist.

This is just through the first week of April :)

OB Update

I was a bit nervous today as I was seeing my actual doc and not the midwife....and well, I kind of scared him a few times with my other pregnancies. It was a great visit, he was so excited we were back and that Grayson was there and he made sure to have Gray listen to the heartbeat of "his" baby! He also recommended anew cardiologist who he thinks will be a positive not a negative in my care and he gave my the script for my big ultrasound. That will happen March 6th and I am sooooo excited!!

The up side

The up side to not sleeping is I can get a jump on my day. I am making the kids a nice hot breakfast, cinnamon rolls, bacon and eggs...get their day started well. I always feel bad that they get cereal most mornings, and would like to start setting up the crockpot with oatmeal to cook overnight, but I haven't been brave enough. Before the kids get up, I am hoping to have moved some laundry, wipe down the bathroom and get going on the dishes. This will make the day better when I crash later.

Late to bed early to rise

No sleep for the weary here. I am very tired of feeling crappy and in pain and would like to get back to my regularly scheduled posts about work and kids and school and vacuuming...but alas,I can't. Another long day yesterday and no sleep last night thanks to the throbbing in my mouth. On the bright side, the kids will get a nice hot breakfast! On the down side, I feel like shit.

I see the OB at 1...that should be pretty standard except I haven't been taking enough iron due to the plague. I then see the dentist at 6 and I am not even sure he will be able to do anything tonight and tomorrow I have to teach. I need this pain to go away, it now hurts worse than when before I had the root canal :(

So here I sit....it willbe another long day with lots to do and I will do it as I should. I am tired of complaining and would really like to feel better, because this is about the worst thing I have ever gone through and it is a painful and lonely place to be.

Terrible and awful

I am overwhelmed...VERY overwhelmed. I counted that last week between the two jobs and school I put in 90 hours! That is nuts. I have been crying most of the morning due to a combo of still feeling shitty/tooth pain/technology at PT school/FT school general work/life as a whole.

I am getting stuff done, but it is at the expense of me getting any time to rest or relax. This has got to end! Tomorrow I have an OB appointment AND a dentist appointment. I also have a paper to write, grading to do and general upkeep. Right now I just finished course checks, emails and getting gray and feeding him. I am off to do dishes, prep paperwork for tonight, eat something, clean up the house and start dinner. Then off to campus, home to check in with work and finish my evaluation. The day will end around 1 am :(

OK, that is all the blogging time I have for today!

Long time no post

I wish I could say I have just been busy, and while I have, not in a good way. I have had work and work and school and kids, but that pesky sinus infection wouldn't stop hurting so I headed to the dentist to see if that was the issue. Now the dentist happily gave me a root canal while I was trapped in the chair and assured me that I needed a wisdom tooth pulled, but didn't feel that was where the excruciating pain was coming from. So last night,after the root canal I went to bed thinking I would be pain free.....ah, nope! About a half hour after falling asleep it was back, in my ear,throbbing and pounding. Downstairs I came hysterical to the point of just bawling. Poor Ryan didn't know what to do, I mean I am a crybaby and all, but rarely do I cry from pain. Nothing made it feel better and I was pretty sure we were heading to the ER. I then tried an old homeopathic remedy my mom used when we were kids and put a few drops of warm olive oil in the ear. After the oil and a half hour of being upright, the pain subsided and I was able to sleep for about 7 hours! How weird is that! I am hoping this goes away soon, I really wanted to enjoy this pregnancy as it is my last, and I have felt crappy for months. At least I get to see the OB on Tuesday and I can hear the baby's heartbeat and get my script for the big ultrasound!

Green and gray

Shhh...I am blogging at PT school, class doesn't begin for 45 mins.

So today we had the awards ceremony for Haven and she won the Courage Award. Brittan's awards were canceled due to the weather yesterday and will be held on Friday, she is winning the Good Behavior Award:)

While waiting to the ceremony to begin, I was looking through some of our videos and was amazed at how different the yard looks when it is green. I mean I KNOW it looks different, but it was strange to be able to see a side by side comparison. In the summer it is so lush and parts look like the rainforest. Can we tell I am getting ready for Winter to end? I love winter if there is snow, but not the grayness of it all!

Snow delays

Ah, the joy of parenting in Virginia, s dusting of snow leads to a delay in school opening. The kids are being great, just really loud and crazy and a bit distracting. I am anxious to see the girls off, and for Emily to return so we can go to lunch, I am hungry.

Class last night was, shall we day, interesting. The projector worked, but would only show the background image of my laptop! Not helpful.

Hopefully today I will get some grading down and start on my paper that is due tomorrow. This class is exhausting, and I really wish there was a break, but alas, there isn't. I am ready to be done with school, just under two years and I will be!

They tell me

that the projector in my room should be working. I am not sure whether I should trust them or not, I think I will bring my ID and be prepared to head over there to get the portable one, just in case. Now if only the meters lasted for longer than 2 hours,I could feed the meter at 7, go to class and be back by 9! Now I will need to walk clear across campus, but at least I won't need to drag more than my laptop!

shouldn't be blogging

I have a ton to do before leaving for class tonight! I need to dust the family room, do the dishes, vacuum the house, switch the laundry and generally straighten up. I also have to make dinner, but that will be easy since I am just making ravioli on my way out the door. Not to mention I need to gather my gear for tonight!

At least once I leave, come home, write a paper and go to bed, I have a relatively quiet day tomorrow...except for having to go to school for Britt's award. This week is stressing me out and it is only Monday!

So sleepy yet awake

I hate Monday through Wednesday, that is my busy part of work. See Monday I need to do course checks, and they take a long time and are a bit of a pain. Then I need to get ready for work, then go to work, then most nights I need to come home and work on or finish a paper. Tuesdays are OK, sometimes we run errands. Wednesdays I have to work in the afternoon, and I have grades due, so I work, come home, and grade. But on Thursday I do almost nothing.....I do my regular work, sometimes write a paper, but it is quiet around here from Thursday -Monday. Now if only I could feel well enough to get my house in order!

Joys of starting over

I am so excited to be adding a new baby to our family I can barely contain myself most days. This child is very, very wanted and was a long time waiting and wanting. I have always wanted four children, but after having my other three so close together, I just couldn't have another one two years after Gray was born. So I worked hard on getting healthy, and on getting my career to a place where adding another child would be easier that in previous times. Then I had to convince Ryan who was content with our family....but obviously he was swayed :)

Being that my youngest will be almost 5 when the new babe is born, this is a whole new adventure. It feels so indulgent, having children who can do most things for themselves, and I am really trying to enjoy the whole process this time around. I really like being pregnant, even when it makes me pukey and sore, I love the idea of what is going on inside and what a miracle it all is. I love when we get to the stage where I can feel the baby moving all the time, I have felt a few small flutters, but I love the big kicks, rolls and hiccups.

The other positive this time around is that I can learn from the past and make choices based upon my experience. I know what items I will use, sling, bouncer, swing...so those will be dusted off or borrowed or bought. I have my old pouch sling from when I had Brittan, and I also used it with Gray. I love that sling, and will use it again, but I am planning to add a wrap sling as well so I can get more use out it, I remember with Gray I wanted something to help when he was 17 months old and not walking!

I also plan to cloth diaper, although my husband is a bit wary. He has agreed to go with me to a seminar to learn more, and I think it will be fine. I like the all in one, one size diapers, they are just like disposables but better for the environment and baby bottoms. I am a realist and know that this may not work for us when the time comes, and I may need to use disposables some of the time as well....for those I will use Earth's Best.

Lastly comes feeding...any men reading may wish to switch blogs now.

I breastfed all my kids, but struggled with Britt and Gray. With Haven it was a breeze and she thrived. I weaned her at 7 months as I had switched her caregiver and couldn't nurse her midday like I had been,she would have easily made it the year. Britt's delivery was horrible and I was very sick afterwards so we had a rough start. She did ok, but we always had to supplement. Add to that that I had a crazy two year old running amok, so it was hard to find the time to dedicate to nursing her as needed. With Gray, he was a great nurser, but my supply was low and now I had a two year old and a four year old, so I had even less time!

This time I get two months paid off from work, so I can dedicate myself to the baby. I will be heading back to PT school about 6 weeks after the new babe comes, but being that I only teach two days a week, I will have stored away enough to cover those few bottles. I want it to work, and work well, this time.

So now I am just enjoying the what ifs of this stage. In about 5 weeks we will know the gender of the baby and the real fun can begin. I cannot wait to start digging through the gear to see what we have and what we need, and then I am off with Em to shop shop shop!