Friday, June 22, 2012

Have to....

So, as many who know me in real life know, when my husband and I got married over 12 1/2 years ago, I was five months pregnant with our oldest daughter.  We got married by the magistrate and my sister, brother in law and niece were there to serve as witnesses.  After the ceremony, we went to breakfast and then to Babies 'R Us to register for my baby shower that was in a month or so.  Then in July,  few months after Haven was born, we had our "marriage celebration" in NY where we renewed our vows and had the big Long Island reception. Traditional?  Not so much.

When we got married, so many people swore it wouldn't last, that we wouldn't last.  If I remember correctly, a few of his friends gave us a year.  We were young, already had a baby, just starting our careers and we had moved a year earlier away from friends and family.  Money was tight, and we had just bought our first home a few weeks after Haven was born, so we had the stress of the upcoming move hanging over our heads too.  If I had been an outsider looking in, I would have said we were doomed too.

The first few years were really, really hard.  Between our wedding and our move to the house we are in now three years later, we both got laid off and needed to figure out new jobs.  We added Brittan to the family. We sold our townhouse and bought this house, and we argued.  A lot.  We had a hard time growing up, growing together, balancing it all and building a relationship. To be truthful, it sucked a lot of the time....and then we added Grayson, because we are such good planners and all.  When Gray was a year old, we separated for about 6 months.  It was a hard time, not only because I was juggling three kids 5 and under and work, but because we really needed to evaluate our marriage and why we were together, and if we should be together.  Ryan always came to the house on his days off, he took the kids out, played with them and gave me a break.  Sometimes we did things together, like a preplanned trip to Sesame Place where we all went as a family.  It was awkward and weird and felt all wrong, so when Ryan moved back home we decided that we were in it for the long haul.  The reason was simple, we weren't married because of the kids, we weren't together because of obligation, we were married because we wanted to be.  When we were pregnant with Haven, we never believed that we "had" to get married.  I had a good job, insurance, etc. and would have figured it out alone if need be.  Ryan would have been in her life, loved her and taken care of her, that was never a question.  We never felt we needed to marry because of the baby, we felt we needed to get married because we loved each other.

After the separation and through today, the only reason our marriage works, that we stick through the bad times, that we stay together no matter what, is because we love each other.  My husband can make me crazy at times, he is my polar opposite and thinks he is funny when he totally is not (lets see if he reads here) but he is also my best friend, my confidant, my support.  We have had some many ups and downs in our marriage, both in our relationship with each other, as well as family, friends and our kid's health.  There is no one who gets me like he does, who I can look at at a doctor's appointment for a kid and he knows what I am thinking, and he asks the question that would make me cry.  He is an amazing dad, and an amazing husband and while we were away and busy on Father's Day, not a moment went by that I did not think that I picked the best man to be a dad to my kids, and that they are so very lucky to call him Daddy.

So, over 12 years later the answer is still easy, all you need is love :)

Saturday, June 9, 2012


Today is my birthday and I turned 37 and I think I am really OK with that.  I had a great day with my family, my girls made their dad take them out to get me presents and they came up with the perfect items.  Haven got me a new makeup bag (she accidently broke the zipper on my old one) and Brittan got me two canvases and some brushes (she knows how much I miss painting).  They also made some adorable statues out of clay, so sweet!

I received so many well wishes from friends (THANK YOU!) that always make me feel special and loved, that totally fills my heart!

Hubby surprised me with my presents yesterday, and then today we headed to the farm so I could collect the last of my surveys, I think I have a total of 11 left to get!  The kids and Ryan picked some strawberries since today was the last day of the season and I stood in the sun and gathered data, not the ideal outing on my birthday, but necessary.  We then went to lunch and hit a local dog adoption event since I am looking to add another dog to the family.  We found a sweet, sweet five year old pug, but they required too much (home visit, references and a HUGE adoption fee) and while I think the pug would have been a perfect addition to our family, calm and sweet with a great disposition,  I am not going to jump through that many hoops so we had to pass.  We will find the right new family member, it just will take some time :)

After that I ran into Old Navy to grab a few quick items for the upcoming trip then we headed home and my poor exhausted husband went to bed while I took Brittan to a sleepover and fed the crew.  Now the babies are tucked into bed, Haven and Gray are relaxing and the hubby is still asleep (I will wake him soon so we can have dinner) and I think I am the luckiest woman on earth.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


There is this weird sense of peace that comes when you find people in life who get it.  People who understand your day, your fears, your off sense of humor, your lack of time for BS.  It is comforting to say something that may seem offbeat or odd to someone not in your shoes, and have it not only be accepted, but also acknowledged and understood.  Ah, that peace of not needing to have your guard up, your radar on, you tongue in check, it is priceless.

I am thoroughly enjoying that peace today, even while some of my children are banging pots and pans in the other room making a racket, and others are bickering and the music from my husband who is working out echoes through our very chaotic house.  I know, right now, that even the noise is peace.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

This is the summer of change

Everything has felt different the last year.  I have had some really big upswings and some really low down times when everything seemed impossibly overwhelming.  The last few months it has been settling some for me.  I am managing better.  Forcing myself to sit still.  Forcing myself to be alone and not working.  I am starting to do more for myself and it has been so great.  This is it, this is the summer when I finally start to re-emerge from my role as solely wife and mother, to a more well rounded and better balanced person.

Right now I am super excited about an upcoming trip up North.  On our way back we will throw a bit of caution to the wind and wing it, something I miss terribly since having children, the impromptu roadtrip.  Then when we get back we will hang around the house for three whole days and head South to get the big girls from my parent's house.  Then we are essentially on summer break and the fun begins...and I have some BIG plans.

We will go to the beach.  Maybe not all the way down to the ocean more than once or twice, but we will go play in lakes and rivers, often.  We will head into DC at least once. We will see a concert, take in a baseball game, go camping for a night. We will see our friends, we will BBQ outside and we will have a firepit so we can have loads of smores outside in the evenings.  The kids will get very dirty-and I will hose them off :)  I want us to have fun this summer, and for there to be more of a balance.  Fun doesn't mean running all over town or spending a load of cash, but we can try to do a super fun outing thing once a week and have friends around a few times a week and just hang as a family a few times too.

The other thing I am doing now is working hard on exercising and eating really, really healthy.  It is not the easiest thing, but I am still trying.  Today went well-steel cut oats and maple sugar for breakfast, some leftover curry for lunch and dinner will be lemon pepper mahi-mahi with wheatberry salad.  Ryan is also working on eating better so he will be joining me in dinner and the kids are having a much more kid friendly dinner of leftover pasta.

I feel the change, it is coming from the inside out and it feels mighty good.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Sometimes it all just works out

Today has been a good day, a really good day.  Started off with an early wake up from Finn, but I somehow got him resettled and then came down to say hi to the hubs who had worked from home overnight.  Made breakfast for the babies and woke up the biggies who were crabby as all get out, but awake and moving.  We had plans to do a quick straighten and then head out to the Farmers Market and then down to the Farm.  If you know me at all, you would know that those two places are the happiest places on Earth for me :)

As I was shuffling kids around and directing them to their morning chores, Ryan told me he was coming with us.  This was a huge surprise since he has to work tonight too, and it would cut into his sleep schedule, but if you know him at all, you know that these are also his happy places :)

So after bathing babies and getting everyone together we made it out the door just after 9 am, which is a huge success.  Stopped and got some cash and headed to the market to find that today was the street fair so there were a bunch of vendors and part of the road was closed off.  Threw Finn in the sling, grabbed our produce bag and away we went.

I love the market.  I love seeing the vendors, chatting with them and of course knowing I can get some of the best products all in one place.  Today we ended up getting a bunch of produce, some more wildflower honey, my favorite goat cheese and some herbs.  Haven also bought some body spray made by a local honey producer and the whole crew grabbed a snack at the Beach Fries truck!

Then we were off the farm to grab eggs, our milk order and yogurt.  Then home for lunch and naps for the babies.  I got caught up on work and then started dinner, chicken curry, and the house smells amazing!

Hoping the rest of the day goes as well :)