So, as many who know me in real life know, when my husband and I got married over 12 1/2 years ago, I was five months pregnant with our oldest daughter. We got married by the magistrate and my sister, brother in law and niece were there to serve as witnesses. After the ceremony, we went to breakfast and then to Babies 'R Us to register for my baby shower that was in a month or so. Then in July, few months after Haven was born, we had our "marriage celebration" in NY where we renewed our vows and had the big Long Island reception. Traditional? Not so much.
When we got married, so many people swore it wouldn't last, that we wouldn't last. If I remember correctly, a few of his friends gave us a year. We were young, already had a baby, just starting our careers and we had moved a year earlier away from friends and family. Money was tight, and we had just bought our first home a few weeks after Haven was born, so we had the stress of the upcoming move hanging over our heads too. If I had been an outsider looking in, I would have said we were doomed too.
The first few years were really, really hard. Between our wedding and our move to the house we are in now three years later, we both got laid off and needed to figure out new jobs. We added Brittan to the family. We sold our townhouse and bought this house, and we argued. A lot. We had a hard time growing up, growing together, balancing it all and building a relationship. To be truthful, it sucked a lot of the time....and then we added Grayson, because we are such good planners and all. When Gray was a year old, we separated for about 6 months. It was a hard time, not only because I was juggling three kids 5 and under and work, but because we really needed to evaluate our marriage and why we were together, and if we should be together. Ryan always came to the house on his days off, he took the kids out, played with them and gave me a break. Sometimes we did things together, like a preplanned trip to Sesame Place where we all went as a family. It was awkward and weird and felt all wrong, so when Ryan moved back home we decided that we were in it for the long haul. The reason was simple, we weren't married because of the kids, we weren't together because of obligation, we were married because we wanted to be. When we were pregnant with Haven, we never believed that we "had" to get married. I had a good job, insurance, etc. and would have figured it out alone if need be. Ryan would have been in her life, loved her and taken care of her, that was never a question. We never felt we needed to marry because of the baby, we felt we needed to get married because we loved each other.
After the separation and through today, the only reason our marriage works, that we stick through the bad times, that we stay together no matter what, is because we love each other. My husband can make me crazy at times, he is my polar opposite and thinks he is funny when he totally is not (lets see if he reads here) but he is also my best friend, my confidant, my support. We have had some many ups and downs in our marriage, both in our relationship with each other, as well as family, friends and our kid's health. There is no one who gets me like he does, who I can look at at a doctor's appointment for a kid and he knows what I am thinking, and he asks the question that would make me cry. He is an amazing dad, and an amazing husband and while we were away and busy on Father's Day, not a moment went by that I did not think that I picked the best man to be a dad to my kids, and that they are so very lucky to call him Daddy.
So, over 12 years later the answer is still easy, all you need is love :)