Friday, April 10, 2009
Rapidly losing control
I am not sure what to do, how to approach the day or my role. That is a first for me, and I don't like it at all! I want to wake up and just do my jobs, live my life, raise my kids and be content in the life I built with my husband. Now I feel I can't even leave my own bedroom, and it really makes me crazy! Ryan says I need to explain how I feel, but I don't want to and get screamed and cursed at like last time....and then I didn't even really SAY anything worthwhile. His mother is so unpredictable, she has been known to be violent and she is explosive....Ryan claims only when drinking, but I have seen it other times. The history I have is a negative one, she has told my husband to leave me countless times, claimed I "trapped" him (why I am not sure since I was the one making all the money!) and in general has never liked me or my life choices. Why would I then be comfortable saying anything? Doesn't it just make more sense for me to avoid the situation, hide and hope it all goes away? Why would I willingly put myself in a situation where I may be attacked, either physically or emotionally?