Saturday, June 13, 2009

Early waking

So I was up really early again....can't possibly be stress can it?

I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around everything going the baby facing heart surgery? Am I? Will they do the simple angioplasty which while not ideal and long lasting, might help, or will they tell me they can only do open heart which means a long, long recovery time? What will I do about work? What about the kids? Will everything settle down and be OK and I not need to take care of this right away?

I am struggling to figure out what to do, while also being terrified. I feel like a ticking time bomb, not a great feeling when raising a family! I just want to have a plan, I want to get this baby here safely, and then have them reevaluate my health prognosis. Ideally, my gradient will drop enough that we can hold off on surgery another year, or at the worst, get the angioplasty....but the doctors always tell me the angioplasty doesn't work as well, so we should just go for the big surgery. How am I going to take care of a newborn while dealing with a three month recovery?

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