Saturday, May 16, 2009

Holding the Reins

I am not impulsive by nature, but I am one who constantly has a plan, a direction and a goal, but those plans can change on a dime if needed. I get very antsy and want to try new things, live new places and have new experiences, I am never content. I am not a person who stays in the same job for 30 years, let along the same career! When I am pregnant and soon after giving birth I get this feeling of needing to do, to change, to adapt. With Haven, I found a new job 9 months pregnant and we bought our first house 4 weeks postpartum. With Brittan I enrolled in my Master's program when she was just a few weeks old. With Grayson I quit my job and decided to struggle and live a year with NO job at all..that was interesting to say the least. Now with the impending birth of Teagan in about 9 weeks, I want to move, to do, to see. It is hard for me to feel limited, but being this pregnant in a poor economy does limit me. i know that there are jobs out there, I know there are places we would like to move, but I have to hold on and wait. I want this job I applied for mostly because I know I would be great at it and that it would be incredibly fulfilling. I also know that I could easily balance work and home being that I could telecommute some and Ryan's schedule is such that we have some movement. I would like to get dressed and see other grownups and not live in virual world all the time, to feel respected and that I am finally being paid what I am worth. I fear I won't hear from the museum, or that if I do, they won't be willing to wait until I give birth. I fear that another opportunity will not present itself for a long time, or that those that do will make me choose between work, finances and home. I am holding the reins, but I have no clue where we are going!

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