Life is never what you expect

Saw the pediatric cardiologist today and the one issue we saw before is gone (leaky tricuspid valve) and two new ones took it's place. I am thankful that we are with this group of doctors, and have been since Haven was born. I trust them immensely and like that they really take their time, as was evident with my 1 1/2 hour fetal echo today. At this point we are waiting and seeing and I go back in three weeks to see what has changed. There are at least four outcomes, the best being that it all works itself out and there are no more issue, the worst being me being placed on a drug to control the baby's heartrate which will hopefully not damage my heart. This worst is tied with the possibility of surgery after the baby is born. We are going to hope for the best, understand the worst and expect the unexpected. We will see what happens in three weeks!

Oh oh oh

I am so very excited that teaching is over for this semester, I have to give finals next week and then I am on summer vacation, from one school anyway! We are slowly getting things done around the house, and it is a big relief to me to see all the plans fall into place. We have a family outing planned for this Friday, and then I hope that Saturday we can do a little weeding and flower planting. Then the painting will be finished, it really MUST get finished! Ryan has to stain the new furniture next week, and then the family room will be checked off the list!

I am debating another family outing the following Friday, but we will have to see how that one plays out. I have some sewing on my list, but did get a few more wipes and doublers banged out last week. This week I plan to attach the sleep sack and I will be getting the fabric for the girl's curtains.

Other than that, I am just looking forward to the summer getting underway and hopefully getting some fun time with the family.

Tomorrow

Fetal echo=stress.

The end.

Gloomy Wednesday

It is rainy and gloomy here, and I couldn't be happier! Being that I seem to have grown twelve belly sizes in the last week, I was not enjoying the summer preview we had going earlier this week. The rain is cooling things down and will also help my new seeds and plants get a jump on their growth. The wetness will probably keep me from getting more seedlings in the ground tomorrow, but they could use another week to get bigger, so no major loss there. Once all of the plants are in the ground, I have a new organic fertilizer that I am going to try this year and I am hoping it will help the soil become more favorable.

My morning plans were squashed a bit when I went to drop Gray off at preschool and he burst into tears and refused to go. I know his allergies are really bugging him and he hasn't slept well, but it was out of character, so I took him home. I needed to go to the farm, but felt he needed to come home more. Not sure when we will make the farm trip since tomorrow morning we have the fetal echo and Friday I have the cardio, both in opposite directions from the farm. My guess is that I will go to the fetal echo in the morning tomorrow, we will get home around 2, i will drop off Ry and Gray and then head down to the farm. The other option is I could send Ryan and Gray to the farm in the morning and I could do the fetal echo alone....we will have to see.

Now I am just waiting for Ryan to get home so I can go teach my final class of the term...next week is finals and then summer break!

Striving

There are so many changes, adaptations, etc that I want to make or we are making here at home. The food issue has been an ongoing one, I have added in the cloth diapers for the baby as well as trying to make some clothes for the kids. We are working to spend less, and save more, and have a plan to be ALMOST debt free in the next five years...this will not include my ridiculous school loans or the house. We do however, have plans to move in the next five years to a house that costs less and has more outdoor space. It is all about cutting back. Five years from now I will be turning 39, and all I want by 40 is to be in a home I love, growing and living as much as we can on our own plot with as little debt as possible. I hate the looming feeling that debt brings, so we have made these plans, and I hope they work!

Now the challenge is.....how do we spend less now? With PT school ending soon, I do have the ability to spend less. With the garden and CSA coming soon, food will also cost less. We do, however, still need some things...and the surprises always show up, but i am confident that we will find a way. I am also thankful that come fall, we will be in the best place we have been financially on almost 4 years, what a relief that is! Here is to hoping new opportunities arise that allow us to keep moving forward and making strides.

A much deserved day at home

Ah, Tuesday..what a wonderful day!

The weather is gorgeous, all the exams are graded and all I have to do is some easy work work. Laundry is waiting for me, as is some dusting, but compared to the normal craziness of my days, this is a welcome change. Grayson and I have big plans to bake cookies this afternoon as a surprise to the girls, and I plan to try to sneak in a nap...can you believe it, a NAP! I think I can convince Grayson to leave me be for a half hour or so, and he was up a lot last night so he may even doze...oh the excitement!

Dinner tonight will be an easy affair as well. I had plans to make a more involved sausage en croute, but decided to just grill up Italian sausage and hot dogs for the kids, make some coleslaw and oven roasted ranch potatoes. Easy and yummy!

My biggest goal for the day is to get the last of the wipes sewed as well as most of the diaper soakers. I am hoping to make my way down to the fabric store near the end of the week to get the fleece for the baby's sleep sack and fabric for the girl's new curtains. I also need to purchase the yarn for the longies my mom is making and I want to gather some fabric for the girl's sundresses and summer skirts. I hope to have that sewing machine humming for the better part of May!

Sometimes a girl needs a good cry

OK, I need to whine. I am tired, bone dragging tired. I am sure a lot of the exhaustion is due to the anemia, coupled with the fact that I am not eating again, my stomach is upset from the antibiotic and my anti nausua meds make me sleepy. All I want to do is crawl into bed and take a nap, which is so not like me.

My husband has been, shall we say, erratic. I know he is tired, and stressed and all around having a tough time lately, but he really needs to find a middle ground. I never know if he is happy or angry or if he is going to be nice or nasty. I only have one more week of classes, and then I know he will get more sleep and hopefully be in a better mood.

My hips hurt, really, really badly. This is the first real pregnancy issue I have had, so overall that isn't too bad, but man, I feel like I have been using the thighmaster for a week straight!

Grayson really wants my attention today, but I am so tired and have so much to do before class. He has been following me around, and all I want to do is snuggle up with him on the couch, but instead I have to do dishes and vacuum and make dinner before class. Tomorrow I will snuggle and play with him all day, I made him a promise.

I am so tired of drama. I mean, there has been drama for weeks on end, and I really cannot take it anymore. There is a reason I avoid things, it is called self preservation. When the MIL was here, I avoided to try to maintain some level of composure. I avoid, it is what I do to protect myself. I am tired of being attacked and put down, and I really want nothing to do with the drama makers. I am too tired, and have bigger worries than all this garbage, and if everyone else could see past the end of their own nose, they would see that I am scared for my baby, that I fear for what we will find out this week. That I have horrific pain in my mouth, that I am struggling each day to get by but keep trying to survive for my kids and family. That I am sitting here with anxiety through the roof, and yet I keep moving forward, I hold my head up and get my tasks done.

Have I mentioned that I am tired, really, really, tired.

Just tired and sick of this road

Saw the oral surgeon, and he was actually a really nice guy, reminded my of my dentist who I really like. He agreed that pulling the tooth while pregnant is a last resort, so 7 more days of antibiotics (and this is the killer one that really screws you up) and more pain meds if I need them. I have never had pain meds handed out so freely as I have this pregnancy. If the tooth hurts again, go back and we will make a decision then. On the bright side, once the baby is born I can go in, get knocked out and have all my wisdom teeth pulled for free...good thing since paying for that seems criminal.

Onward. I am stressed beyond belief about the double cardio appointments this week-although no one seems to give a crap or notice. I am also sick and tired of everyone telling me to take the high road, be the better person, etc....at some point, don't I just become a foolish doormat? It would be great if the rest of the world realized that maybe, just MAYBE, I also have a life and stress and horrible things to deal with,and that throwing crap at me during this time period and lecturing me on how I need to be better than everyone else who in turn can behave as atrociously as they please, turn the other cheek for the umpteenth time, and ignore my own fears and concerns is not the best approach. Then maybe then they would back off. Just saying.

Passing the OCD baton on

Seems Brittan may have my number OCD issues. I have a thing for fives. Today Brittan was getting ready to show me how she can hula hoop with two hula hoops and she turned to me and said, "I can't start until the clock says 3:30" She also will comment alot on times, numbers, etc and she is a counter, like I am. It's not that I didn't see it coming, she is so precise and concerned with what the "right" way is. This is probably the only tie my petite little bird girl and I have to each other, well that and the eye color. Funny thing is Haven has some OCD issues as well, but hers are tactile, and mine are not. I will have to work to understand how that is for her.

We had a frustrating afternoon. The kids were wild and fighting and I am rapidly getting more and more tired, and my hips are achy. I have the dinner marinating, asian orange chicken, and I need to do the dishes again. I also need to make the cheese, but the dishes have to happen first. I am hoping my second wind hits soon!

Keep on moving

It is just after 10 am and we have already accomplished a lot. The crew and I headed to the grocery store for a few essentials and while Gray was horrid, we were in and out pretty quickly. I have some work to do today, and also need to get out back and water the newly planted gardens. In addition, we of course have housework and I am making Ryan the asian chicken he has been asking for. I also need to make cheese since Grayson requested it.

The week ahead is looking busy, but good. Monday after the kids are dropped at school, I have the consult with the oral surgeon regarding my wisdom tooth. I really want to wait until after the baby is here to have it pulled, so I will have to see what he says. Tomorrow night is my last "real" class at PT school as they have their final the following week, same goes for the Wednesday class. Thursday morning I have the follow up fetal echocardiogram and am hoping that nothing significant shows up. Friday I see my cardiologist in the morning, and then we are picking the girls up early from school to head up to my sister's for the Apple Blossom Festival Parade and the carnival...what fun!

Last post of the day

or well technically first post of tomorrow!

I think we may be hitting our stride here at the Kelley home. All of a sudden it is coming together, and that just makes for smoother days. Tomorrow we may try to get to church, I will have to see if we wake up in time since Gray, Britt and I slept until 9 this morning and all the kids got to bed late. On the agenda for tomorrow is a quick trip to the store. I have been promising Ryan I would make him an asian chicken recipe and somehow I am out of boneless chicken breasts. It is OK as we need a few other items, so the kiddos and I will make a run in the morning. Otherwise, I am doing laundry and grading tomorrow...maybe I will even bust out the paint and finish the family room! I need to get moving as the big kid clothing switcheroo is coming up soon, and I need to get cracking on the baby's room. Night world!

I don't say it nearly enough

but my kids are really awesome! Not only did they help outside today in the heat, but they have played nicely together and are now helping with some chores. They have their moments, they are kids after all, but I love that they are good kids and they are always there to help each other out. Case and point, after they were cover in mud from gardening and I took them up for bath, Brittan was helping wash Gray's feet while Haven got the kids clothes together. They fight a lot, but when push comes to shove, they are there to help each other out in an instance. I also love that they do chores, usually willingly. We have really encouraged the idea that a family is a team, and that all members must work together. Is it perfect? NO! Are the girls arguing right now as they fold clothes? YES! But the clothes will get folded and put away, and they will get talked to about the whining or crying or whatever the problem is, and they will learn from it. They are really great kids.

Mud and Graveyards

So, we got a lot accomplished, but not everything we set out to do...such is life with many little people.

The beans and poles are in. The butternut squash is in. The upper garden is ready for the other squash plants once they are a tad larger.

The new side bed was turned and we added some soil to lighten it. The garlic we had set aside a few weeks ago sprouted beautifully, so we planted around 30 cloves...I am anxious to see if we harvest that many! We then planted two more rows of onions, sweet ones this time, since the bucket onions are doing so well. Then the parsnips and carrots went in, and everything was watered and fenced to keep little feet and big dogs out. The area we planted has a black fence around it, so it resembles a mini graveyard, especially with the little metal markers. Soon enough it will be full of green, and will not look so ominous. We also have the planters ready for the herbs we started, they are catty corner to the new bed, and will hopefully smell yummy when the wind blows.


The bucket onions are growing better than expected. Some will be harvested as spring onions in the next few weeks. Seedlings look wonderful and could be transplanted today but they are still a touch small. If the weather is as great as it looks this week, we will be finishing off the plantings next Saturday and then we just need to water until harvest.

A gardener's dream

The weather here is perfect! It is rare that we gt beautiful weather like this in April, let alone on days the whole family is here to do some planting! We have some big plans for the day, but everyone is well rested and the sun shine is making them happy to go outside.

First Ryan will set the bean poles and get the beans in the ground, this year we are growing both purple and green and I will sow a second set once the first is two feet high. While he works on that, I will fence off the new section, add some soil and get the garlic, onions, carrots and parsnips in the ground. Then we are off to weed the berry patch and the front garden bed, and I need to get a few pots ready for transplanting herbs. Next week we will transplant the tomatoes, cucumbers, squashes and begin the lettuce and spinach. I also need to get the nets for the pear trees, they are lush and green and hopefully will get us a nice little harvest!

Chats and dinner

So we had a busy day. Girls got off and I took Gray, then headed off to the farm. Gray was cute in the car and asked me to make the cheese that looks like the moon (mozzarella) and since I have a ton of milk, I will be happy to oblige. Dropped the milk off, did a few chores and then back out to get the little guy. While I did that, Ryan headed up to the school to have lunch with Brittan. Gray and I went to the store to grab a few things, then home so I could mop and do laundry etc. Ryan and I mapped out the final garden plans and most things will be planted tomorrow. Then the sitter came, and he and I headed out to dinner, Justice and Lowes. Not everyone's idea of a perfect night, but it works for us!

We also discussed the events of when his mom was here and I think he understands where I was coming from. It is always great to talk about these things so we both can let go of any anger and begin understanding.

Now I am exhausted and heading to bed. We have a busy morning planned, the kids and I need to plant the newest onions, the garlic, the carrots and parsnips. Ry is setting the bean poles and planting the beans, and we will sow the first few rows of spinach and lettuce. The remaining items are all from seed and have started sprouting, but need another week or two before transplant. We also need to weed the berry patch and the front flower bed, and plant the last of the seeds up front. Plans are already underway for the cold frame and canning season!

New Beginnings

OK, so even though my tooth really hurts AND I have to see the hematologist today, I am still really getting excited. I love Spring, it brings such a great sense of excitement around here, and with a new baby coming, that is only magnified! All of our little seedlings are coming up, the onions are doing beautifully and the greens go in the ground today. On my way home from the doctor, I will stop and grab the materials for the bean poles as well as the herb garden fencing so the plants can be transplanted in a week or so. The CSA payment is going out this week, strawberry picking is coming soon, and I feel assured that we will eat wonderful, tasty, local food all summer.

The clothes I ordered for the kids came and they are perfect. The girls loved everything, and I put the baby stuff into the growing pile in my room. Once the dressers are moved and the clothesline up, the diapers will be washed and everything will be put away. I am holding out on putting the crib up as my parents are coming in June to watch the kids while I go to a conference, and the baby will not be in the crib when she first comes home, we will use the bassinet. I figure that by the end of summer, the bed will be moved, the futon will go in and the crib will go up, that will work well for everyone :)

I am also very anxious to see what happens with my application to the other University. Seems the contact name I was given was for the Journalism positions, but the prof in charge forwarded my materials to the correct guy and sent me a nice note. I reviewed the credentials of the staff, and most have a masters but not all have doctorates, one of the bonuses of an art based program, so I am hoping I am ahead of the game. I guess we will see!

Ouchy

I had some dental issues while going through the hellish sinus infection a few months back. Had a root canal, then found out all the pain was from the sinuses! The dentist has been telling me that I need my wisdom tooth pulled, but my OB wanted me to try to wait until after I have the baby...well, I think we can't wait. Last night all of a sudden the tooth just started to hurt, badly. Needless to say, I called the dentist this morning and will see the oral surgeon on Monday for a consult. I am hoping they will also call in some antibiotics, the last thing I need is an infection. If it goes well, maybe I will get rid of the tooth next week. Bad part is that I have to be awake for the procedure since I am pregnant, good part is I would be done with this tooth and the fact that it has to come out. Now if only the pain would subside a bit so I could move on with my day!

So ready

Today was a long day, but not hectic which always helps. Girls and Gray made it off to school without a hassle. I came home, got a few things done and got ready for work. Did my call on the way in, taught, stopped at Wegman's and dropped the groceries at home. Then ran back out to pick Haven up from a friend's house, back home to feed the masses and get some work done. I managed to get through all my work and actually relax with the hubby for a bit. Surfed the web for some yarn and crochet patterns, my super talented mom said she would crochet the baby some wool longies, so I am getting some gorgeous wool and a few patterns and making her get to work. I hope that I can gather 4-8 longies/skirties for fall and winter, great natural fiber for the babe, and a diaper cover to boot!

Big plans for tomorrow include the bean pole assembly, the sowing of the parsnips and carrots and beans. I also need to start the lettuce and spinach, these will be able to be brought in if the weather gets too bad, and will be an ongoing process all summer. I also have a doctor's appointment at 1 tomorrow, Haven has riding at 4 and I have to tutor at 6! Somehow after the doctor, I need to run home and make dinner before heading out again....I am thinking burgers on the grill are an easy fix. Also on the plan for the weekend is a trip to Ikea to get the new dressers. Once they are all moved about, I can start washing clothes and putting them away...that will be a relief. I also have to get the new clothesline and have Ryan install it before I start prepping the diapers.

Wow, busy.

Happy Earth Day!

Today is Earth Day, and I hope that everyone decides to make one change they can sustain and will benefit the environment. Something simple, such as using a reusable water bottle or coffee mug, choosing to buy only local and in season produce, or switching to green cleaning products can help. It is all about small steps.

We here at the Kelley household strive to make those small steps everyday, but they have always been ones we felt comfortable making and that benefited our family along with the environment. This makes it easier to maintain the changes. As much as I would love to be off the grid and self sufficient, it is not going to happen right now, so instead we adapted our current lifestyle.

So what are you going to do today? Can you plant something? What about recycling? There are so many small steps to be taken!

Motivation

I am having a hard time getting going the last few mornings. Some of this is due to staying up too late, some is due to the hectic nature of our schedule lately and some is just because I am tired :)

The nice part about Wednesdays is, while I know it is an incredibly long day, usually the next two days are quiet. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment and tutoring, but not too much going on. Friday I have minimal plans for the day, I figure I will make a farm run after dropping Gray at school, and then home to get some planting and other household items done. Friday night Ryan and I have a hot date with some Indian food, and I am so excited. Not only do I love Indian, but enjoying it with Ryan and having the kids home and happy with the sitter...perfect! Even better is the fact that I have a gift certificate for dinner and the extra day of tutoring will pay the sitter, so it is like a free night out! I may have a few tricks up my sleeve for Saturday, but I will have to see how that plays out.

Guess the day off will not come

tomorrow, it is gearing up to be as busy as ever!

Thankfully the kids have activities and hopefully Ryan will be able to get a nap with Gray. Tomorrow is my Friday and I am looking forward to a few days with the family..we have some big activities planned but don't tell the kids!

I really need a day off!

It has been gang busters around here lately, it seems there is never a moment free and I am scrambling to keep up. I know that this happens every spring and that this year it is just magnified by the pregnancy that I am now really starting to feel, but still, it is CRAZY!

I am finishing out a class tomorrow and after it is done, I only have four more classes before I need to take my comprehensive exams and begin my dissertation. Essentially that means that I will be ABD (all but dissertation) by the end of the year...YIKES!

FT job has been busy busy with student groups, student issues, teaching, faculty concerns, course changes, etc. PT job is closing out, two more weeks of classes and they are all done and I am off until September...wooohooo. Even the tutoring went and got busy with me working tonight and Thursday. While I love the extra cash, that is a lot of stuff to do! In addition, we have doctor's appointments out the behind and did I mention that I am really beginning to feel the pregnancy, third trimester is creeping up.

Thankfully PT job is almost over, I get two weeks off from my school and in 9 weeks I am off from FT gig until 8 weeks after the babe. I am really looking forward to that break and hope to get lots done.

Today I got just a few more items for the little one. I ordered her bedding, it is super cute with frogs on it and the set came with everything including the window treatments. I also ordered a new Boppy...I like it somewhat for breastfeeding, but even more for propping the baby up. So far, I only have a few things I need and the only big thing my parents are getting for me :) A little more smart acquiring and we are ready to go!

On the bad side of things....I didn't finish grading the exams for my class tomorrow...but alas they will have to wait. On the bright side, I finally got up the nerve to apply for a FT teaching position at a nearby university...and I really, REALLY want it! Only time will tell!

Big baby, shrinking mama

Saw the OB today, we had a wait and Gray was with me, so that was a bit of a pain. The OB happily gave me permission to have a VBAC if I go into labor on my own...but being that I have never done that on my own, we will still probably end up with a c-section. The good news is that he feels that this should not have to be my last if I don't choose, and while I am not thinking I want another, I like that the option is open. The baby is still measuring big, and i lost another pound. That means that for the pregnancy, I am down almost 6 pounds total...but the baby is huge, so we are doing fine.

OK, off to grade papers and get ready to tutor.

Wackiness

Monday nights really kick my butt. By the time I get home, get something to eat and get a little work done, it is usually 1 am before I hit the sack. On Tuesdays I try to hang close to home, but today I have a doctor's appointment so I had to get up and get the girls going so that Gray and I can head to the doctor early. To add to the stress, Haven didn't do her homework last night.She was still at brownies when I left and her father forgot to remind her, and well, Haven just never remembers to do anything. My loving family also decided not to do the dishes and left me with all the dinner dishes to handle this morning...sweet huh.

Anyway, the rain was yucky yesterday, but today is shaping up to be a decent day weather wise. Gray and I will head to the doctor then if he is good, I will take him to lunch, then back home. I have some grading to do, so I will work on that, plus I have a paper to write and dinner and laundry to do. I am hoping to get all my work work done early as well as my paper, then I can concentrate on grading papers. I also may need to go tutor tonight, we will have to see. On the bright side, it is going to be almost 90 on Saturday...wow!

I am on a roll

Guess I have a lot to say today!

As much as I am hating all this rain, the good part of it is that everything is so green. We have a lot of trees, and I love how lush it looks when there has been a lot of rain. The other positive is that the garden will be more than ready for plants, and once the last layer of compost is added, I expect spectacular growth pending no wash outs. I love the spring and summer, I love the fresh food, and the ability to plan a menu based on what is ready to be picked. I cannot wait until it is time to gather the fruits of our labor.

The other thing I have decided to do more of is menu planning. With our busy schedules, and the newest addition set to join us in a few months, it is very important to have a plan. My freezer and pantry are packed, so food is never an issue here....put we still need to know what works when. So far my plans for this week include homemade mac and cheese, stuff shrimp with brown rice, asian chicken and veggies, chicken caccitore, burgers and pasta salad, pork roast and sausage roll. I am also hoping our sitter can watch the kids so Ryan and I can go out for Indian...mmmm I love good Indian!

Oh the rain

please make it stop! We left Virginia in the rain, came back and BAM more rain. I don't mind a rainy day here or there, but days on end just stink and make the yard muddy and gross and then the kids can't go play and the dog can't be in the backyard. Then there are the severe storms, the ones that flooded us last year, those always worry me. Thankfully, Ryan got the garden ready for planting and set up all the starter seeds that were left. All I need to do this week is plant the carrots and parsnips and make the bean poles. Beans go in the ground the end of the week, tomatoes, squash, cukes, etc follow the next week...and THEN it can rain!

Finding your little corner

So I had a lot of time to think today on my ride home, kids were quiet and occupied and the lull of the road cleared my mind a bit. The last six weeks or so have been trying on so many emotional levels...everything has been affected, from the kids, to friendships, to family, to my marriage, all went through upheaval. I really was thrown a number of times, and emotionally, this has been one of the most trying times in my life. Dealing with everything at once, feeling overwhelmed and very alone in the process, was an eye opening experience. What I came away with was a very clear and distinct understanding of who I am. I found that I am not who others always want to define me as, that all the characteristics I have long believed to be true because others said they were, are not...and I am actually very happy about this. I found I can be incredibly strong, that when I know something to be real or true, I will stick by it. I also know that I am self sufficient, and that I don't need anyone beyond my family and the small circle of sweet, true friends who come running when you need them. I found that my expectations for people are not too high, and that if they cannot be met, then I don't need them. I believe that I am worthy of a heartfelt apology. I learned that my children, both those walking about and the one I still carry, are the beginning and end of it all, and that nothing will change that and I will never put that aside for someone else's happiness. I found that I will never compromise my sanity, health or family to do for someone else, it is simply not worth it and ends up blowing up in the end making me feel stupid and abused.

Hit the road Jack!

Tomorrow the kiddos and I will hit the road and head home. I am miss, miss, missing the hubby and feel like I haven't seen him in weeks what with all the drama and the trip!

The kids were pretty good, we had some moments, but everyone shaped up well! Today we went to play mini-golf, and we should know by now that my kids do not do well with mini-golf! Gray had a meltdown, he and I sat in the car, and then we all moved on. Came back, ate lunch, kids played bubbles and then off to the pool where they swam like little fishes and I sweltered! Back home where they devoured dinner and then they were treated to ice cream. Everyone, except me of course, went to bed well, and I stayed up to work, and get some online shopping done. I managed to score all the kids, including the new baby, four new summer outfits each for under 128 bucks total shipped. That was less than 6 bucks an item! I love when the stars align and I can get everyone much needed items on the cheap!

I guess I should head to bed so I am able to drive. I will miss having fun in NC with my parents, but am so excited to head home and get back to the routine!

Finding a second to post!

Wow, it has been a busy few days! Wednesday I ran home in the rain to grab the kids and get on the road. We left about 5:30 and made great time, ending up here in NC at 11:30 with just one stop for food and potty. The kids were so good, and even went to sleep about 8:30! The only hard part was I was really tired and hate driving in the dark with all the critters leaping out at me, but we made it here safe.

Thursday I had to run a work call, so while I was on it, my dad took Grayson to his fire station and my mom took the girls to the store. They were adequately spoiled, came home to eat and we were off to the pool! They swam like crazy and had so much fun, I showered them there, we came back for dinner and then bed. I did some work, dealt with some work issues and off to bed where Gray had nightmares all night and kept me up.

Today we were up and going early, headed to SC where we stopped by my aunts house. My aunt and uncle were free so they decided to join us for lunch. Gray was HORRIBLE in the car and not much better at lunch, but he perked up after eating. Then we said our goodbyes and headed to Broadway at the Beach. The girls went to MagiQuest with my parents, and Gray and I went to the rides. Everyone had a good time, but were tired and cranky coming home. A quick dinner and they were off to bed, and I dealt with MORE work issues and grading!

Now I am getting ready to head to be, hopefully the kids sleep well, and we will go on another adventure tomorrow. Whew.

And then there was peace

Even with work and the trip tomorrow, I am oddly at peace. All I have to do tonight is finish grading, and I am halfway there, and do a few posts. The girls stuff is ready to be packed, and I just have to grab the last of Gray's. I need very little for three days, so it is easy for me to get myself ready. Toothbrushes and other hygiene related items will go into the suitcase in the morning before I leave for work.I have minimal prep for class tomorrow, and aside from needing to remember my exams to grade and laptop, we should be able to get on the road quickly tomorrow evening. My poor mother is distraught over me driving with the kids alone at night, but I am actually looking forward to the peace and quiet while driving!

The house is so much calmer now, I have gathered almost everything I need for the new babe, all is left is the stroller which my parents will buy, the bouncy seat I am getting, bedding and a few other odds and ends. I have my eye on a bedding set and it pretty reasonable, plus I need to get two new dressers and a futon. The big bed in the "guest" room will leave, a futon will go in and the crib and changing table...guests can stay in there and the baby can room in with me. Easy peasy, we are on our way!

Sleepy sleepy!

I got home late from class last night and then spent way too much time chit chatting with the sitter. By the time I got my work done and headed to bed, it was very late, and then my two youngest kept getting up! Haven was up by 7:30 and they were all downstairs eating by 8, so we are well on our way!

Today we will get ourselves dressed, go out to lunch, head to the farm and then home to pack for our trip to NC. I also have a bunch of grading that I must do today as well as some more general work. Not to mention, general house stuff like dishes, vacuuming and laundry! Hopefully after an afternoon out, the kids will be helpful with the packing and allow me the time to get chores done...I am bribing them with ice cream.

The changing of the kids

When I had one child, she was always dolled up...ALWAYS! She had beautiful little outfits and I even shopped at a few boutiques...not sure how I afforded it, but I did. When I had two kids, my girls, I discovered that there were lots of cute matching outfits out there. Both girls were pretty dolled up, although Haven was at that awful two year old stage where anything she touched exploded all over her and made a mess. I still shopped at little boutiques for holiday outfits. When Grayson came along, I found that young girls (2 and 4)did well in t-shirts and cotton pants and a few sundresses and little boys are really easy to dress on the cheap. No more boutiques or super cutsey matchy outfits, except a few for holidays. Now we are waiting for number 4, and while she has some cute outfits packed away, we got them on sale :) The girls wear a lot of hand me downs mixed in with nicer stuff from their favorite stores. Jeans rule here...although in the summer, the girls both like dresses or skirts. I actually order sewing patterns to learn how to make some of their favorite pieces, maybe I can even make some matching, but alas no more boutiques. I did, however, find a few woolies for the baby that I will order. They aren't cheap, but they are great diaper covers and pants all in one...can't beat that. Plus the down home, wholesome look is what I want for the kids. Maybe if I ask nicely, my mom will crochet some for me.

Why must they fight?

I have been asking the girls to clean their room for a week...yes, a WEEK! Given all the junk going on in the house, I was not really getting anywhere in asking...especially when the MIL would go up and distract them or pull them away when they were supposed to be cleaning. The room resembles a house after a bombing, so there is quite a bit of work to be done....the logical choice would be to buckle down and do it right? Nope, not if you are six year old and eight year old girls, then you scream and yell and brawl...productive right? Now they have had to lose even more privlages because they are fighting, not to mention having to clean the room to my standards, which are way higher than what I usually make them do. Why oh why must the fight?

Nothing happy to report

The kid's had a nice Easter I think...not sure with all the drama that went on.

Needless to say, it will be a very bad few days here at the Kelley house...very tense and bad I fear,and I am so happy that the kids and I are heading out of town on Wednesday.

Hopefully it will all be okay in the end. Hopefully Ryan and I will find a way back to each other, to where we were before this mess. Hopefully he will see the damage that has been done to me this past week, the complete and emotional despondency I have felt, and I hope to be able to see that his pain and suffering through this is very real as well, and that his choices were the best he could make in the moment.

This has been the most horrifically painful week of my life, lesson learned, when you have a nice, happy marriage and family....leave it alone.

Trying to find a new groove

So, when all else fails, I cook. Tonight we will have burgers on the grill (from our half cow), homemade coleslaw and I am guessing I will make baked potatoes. Tomorrow morning for Easter we will have waffles and sausages in blankets (crescent rolls), I will make the overnight waffle batter so we can make it first thing. There will also be a fruit salad to even out the carbs. Lunch/Dinner will be a honey ham, roasted sweet potatoes, asparagus and popovers...not traditional, but all stuff we love and that is all that matters.

Tomorrow I also will be starting the herbs. Monday I will get the low fence for the herb garden and will plant the garlic. Hopefully while I am away, Ryan will finish the turning of the garden so the parsnips and carrots can be planted. Then the beans go in and the rest of the goodies come May 1st. I cannot WAIT until we can start harvesting!

Our growing areas this year include:

Main Garden-two kinds of tomatoes, two kinds of beans, two kinds of cucumbers, parsnips, carrots, squash and zucchini. Once beans are done, potatoes go in. Carrots and parsnips are double sown and we will be looking for a place for winter spinach and a few other items for the cold frame.

Berry Patch-We have well established blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries. A few strawberry plants made it, and we will add a few more.

Herb Garden-New addition this year. This houses basil, oregano, cilantro, dill, parsley, lavender, onions and garlic. Summer lettuces and spinach also live in this area and will be continuously sown.

Fruit trees-We have two existing pear trees, adding three fig trees this year, two more pear and four apple.

Not bad for our small lot :)

Stress does NOT do a body good

I really need a break, between sick kids, burst pipe, mother in law, I thought I had had enough....but then my company decided to change the rules regarding tuition grants. Needless to say, it was a sob inducing situation, but thankfully has been resolved thanks to some parental involvement.

In addition to all this, I ended up having very hard contractions all day yesterday, really painful and hard, not good when only 24 weeks pregnant! They finally subsided, and the baby is hopping about, so we are a-ok.

We had delicious matzo ball soup for dinner last night, dyed eggs for Easter this morning and I am making mandel bread this afternoon...we are a confused bunch.

Happy holiday...regardless of what you celebrate?

Rapidly losing control

I am not sure what to do, how to approach the day or my role. That is a first for me, and I don't like it at all! I want to wake up and just do my jobs, live my life, raise my kids and be content in the life I built with my husband. Now I feel I can't even leave my own bedroom, and it really makes me crazy! Ryan says I need to explain how I feel, but I don't want to and get screamed and cursed at like last time....and then I didn't even really SAY anything worthwhile. His mother is so unpredictable, she has been known to be violent and she is explosive....Ryan claims only when drinking, but I have seen it other times. The history I have is a negative one, she has told my husband to leave me countless times, claimed I "trapped" him (why I am not sure since I was the one making all the money!) and in general has never liked me or my life choices. Why would I then be comfortable saying anything? Doesn't it just make more sense for me to avoid the situation, hide and hope it all goes away? Why would I willingly put myself in a situation where I may be attacked, either physically or emotionally?

Religious cooking exercises

We are of no real religion...but I like the kids to be aware of different religions, especially those associated with their ancestors. Therefore, we celebrate lots of things here! Passover just began, and Easter is on Sunday. Today I have stock going for Matzo Ball Soup and I will be making some Mandel bread cookies as well. I also made some yummy kugel the other day. We use these opportunities to discuss the religious significance and how the foods relate to the ceremonies. Not ready to hold a Seder, especially since Judaism was never my religion,but maybe someday. We will also celebrate Easter, with ham and all the fixins. Good thing I like to cook!

Stop!

Stop touching my stuff....stop, stop STOP! Stop "helping" all you are "helping" to do is make me crazy. I don't want help or need help, my world is just fine as is and you are intruding on MY jobs and responsibilities. DON"T TOUCH MY CLOTHES...EVER....or I will NEVER wear them again. Now everything I own needs to be thrown out and I need new clothes...it really creeps me out, who comes into someone else's house and just touches their underwear! Please stop putting things where you want and not where they go! Please just STOP!

Things that make me crazy

OK that headline is deceiving as if I posted ALL the things that make me crazy, we would be here a long time. It should probably say things that make me crazy right now.

I am supposed to have a call with a new faculty member....but I emailed her days ago to get the best phone number to reach her, then I emailed her yesterday, then this morning.....um, no response? Here's the thing, if she wants to keep teaching with us, she needs to do these calls with me, and I find it incredibly rude when people feel their time is more valuable than mine. I don't take advantage of them, and I am courteous in scheduling things to work around everyone schedule, but not responding for this long is just unprofessional and not acceptable at an online school.

I am also peeved at folks who lie, especially those that lie to themselves or to others to make themselves feel better. If you need to lie about who you are, what you do/don't do, what your purpose is, etc, you have some serious issues to work out. If you don't even like who you are and can't be honest about it, then that is really sad. Oh, and just because other people do more, have more, etc don't accuse them of having/doing that to make you or anyone else feel bad. I do what I do because it works for me, you do what you do because it works for you...I sure as hell don't feel bad or compare myself to you, you need to work on your inadequacy issues and move on.

Finally, could the weather be any more erratic? I am looking forward to a little vacation next week.

Blessings and Curses

We made it through the storm. Interestingly enough, even in the midst of it all, my husband and I found a way to laugh about it...you have to admit the sheer craziness was amusing and that is one of the reasons I really love being married to Ry, he can lighten the heaviest mood. Thankfully the plumber came this morning and fixed the pipe, and it was way less money than I feared. Brittan is doing well, they believe she has a virus, a.k.a. the flu and a UTI. We are holding off on the antibiotics until her culture comes back so we don't medicate if not needed. She has a follow up at the ped tomorrow, but seems better today and the fever is more manageable.

Aside from getting almost NO sleep last night, we are all functioning pretty well. Haven stayed home since she was up most of the night, and I fear she is getting sick as well she has the cough and irritability. I am off to teach in a few moments. Tomorrow morning I have a quick call, then Britt's appointment and maybe we will celebrate with lunch out. Then home to keep making headway on the wet stuff, but surprisingly I made it through most of it today.

MIL was very helpful in this mess, and I hope we hit our stride soon finding what works for everyone. Off to work :)

Build the ark we are headed to the ER

So, tonight will go down in history. First we had this pipe that was dripping by the water heater. The plumber came yesterday, looked at it and said it was a main line, he didn't have the tool to shut off the water, have the hubby move this piece of wood that was in the way and he would come tighten it on Monday. Today, Ryan went to remove the wood before showering for work, he touched the leaky pipe just a touch and it started spraying. Thankfully husband called work to say he was going to be out and we called the plumber. Before we even got the call back....we heard this big noise and realized the pipe blew. Water was EVERYWHERE and our old house has no main shut off. Thankfully I was on the phone with my dad whining about the leaky pipe and he told me to call 911. I did, the firemen came, and they shut the water off at the main. We did some cleaning up and talked to the plumber who is coming at 9 am.

So a little while later, Brittan is up. She has had a fever all day but now she was really hot, over 104 on meds. Then she start vomiting...remember we have no water...then she and her father left for the ER. I am guessing she has the flu, not sure WHY we got the damn shot then, but she and Gray have been pretty sick all week. Hopefully they will see her quickly, and she will be OK.

Breathing

OK, I am really trying to breathe today. I had a huge weeping breakdown with Ryan this morning as I just feel like I am off kilter. I KNOW that this is me, and I KNOW that it is my problem, but I just feel like in my own home I should be allowed to be my crazy true self. To help you understand, everything is a trade off in my mind. For example, the usual morning I get up, make the kids breakfast, while they eat I do any dishes, then I make coffee...sounds fine right. However, in my head, I make the kids breakfast and then HAVE to do the dishes next so that I can wash out the coffee filter (we have a permanent one) and I don't like the grinds all over the dishes it grosses me out, then I make the coffee. It HAS to go that way or I just won't ever make the coffee. This goes on all day, I grade five papers, check on dinner, check email, grade five papers, check dinner, etc. I need to use the order that makes sense in my own head, and while I understand that it may be a bit nuts, it works for me. The only way I can function is with a plan and organization, if something is out of place, so am I and I feel lost trying to get things done. Once my husband and I were seeing a counselor and the counselor tried to explain that when the pillows are on the floor(a pet peeve), or there is no plan, I feel the same panic as if one of the kids were in danger...it is that disturbing and real for me.

So now I have admitted that I am crazy...oh and whenever I pump gas it needs to end in a 5, my favorite is 25.55...all my secrets are out :) We have established I am nuts, but a really high functioning nuts, and I need to maintain some structure at home. Oh I have adjusted, kids will do that, and when I am not at home, I make myself go with the flow, but everything happens here. I work from home, I live here, I relax here, my family is here, and I cannot be miserable here. What am I going to do?

The best moments

Loving hugs from the hubby, HUGE kisses goodnight from the kiddos, special loving calls from friends when you are scared and concerned, love from afar from family, huge crazy kicks and punches from a baby who seems so strong, but worries you so much. Three already active, silly, wonderful little people who amaze you everyday.

Good times.

Adjustments

So MIL is here. She seems willing to make it work, I on the other hand, am just not that into it. See, I like my house, my kids, my husband and my life. I like that my husband goes to work at night and the kids go to bed and I can quietly work and relax with no one sitting there or talking to me. I like that this is my house and I pick what goes where and how things go and when to do chores. I have a neat little schedule and I am happy with it. She is trying, and I understand that I should try to, I just don't want to. I want to enjoy my life and family as we were doing just fine on our own. I want to live comfortably in my own home, and do what I want to do. I want to not feel the anger and resentment that now I have to share everything we have worked for, that this quiet, peaceful little corner of the world is no more, and I have no safe place to fall. I need to not be myself, to cry when I need to, to yell when I need to, and it makes it hard to want to start a new day.

Great reviews

We had parent teacher conferences this morning, and given the hard year we have had with Haven's teacher, I was prepared for the worst. Instead, we got a glowing report of how far she has come, what a sweet and helpful girl she is and just how well she is doing. While I know she isn't quite working up to her true abilities yet, she really has made such wonderful progress and we are excited to see more from her. At this point Haven is reading on at least a sixth grade level (she is in third), but we are having a tough time finding books that are challenging and age appropriate.

Brittan's teacher gave her a glowing review as well. She has already master all but two skills needed for first grade and is reading on close to a fourth grade level (she is in 1st). The teacher has been working with Britt and a few other kids who are doing well and giving them upper grade level work to challenge them. She is also setting her up for next year, trying to find a teacher who will see her potential and really tap into it. Brittan was also commended for her sweet, giving and helpful nature. Such different girls, but such sweet, smart and good girls, we are very proud!

After conferences, we headed out to see Monsters verses Aliens in 3-D. While it was tough getting there on time, we made it and the movie was really cute and fun. We all enjoyed it since it is rare for the whole tribe to go out together, and while I started off a bit sour due to not eating, in the end it was really enjoyable.

Now I am off to tutor, the kids are gearing up for dinner and are driving poor Grandma nuts :)

In it comes, and out it goes!

It seems that just when you think you are flush, something happens. At least we can afford the little "surprises" so that is a positive:)

Today I need to re-register my car (yuck $80 bucks) then I need to head to the farm for milk. Home again to straighten up, figure out dinner, etc. Then Haven has riding if it isn't too wet and I have to tutor at 6. I also have a small paper to write and want to have it done before tutoring so I can have some free time this evening.

Tonight Ryan's mom comes, then tomorrow I have someone coming to replace my windshield, it has been cracked for a few years, but has finally spread to being too bad for inspection. After conferences, we are planning to head to the movies for some family fun.

I MUST finish the painting, but it may take until Saturday to get to that...oh well.

Oscillating

I seem to move between feeling REALLY together and feeling REALLY overwhelmed these days. As it stands, I am not teaching at FT school this week as we are on break, but we do have extra calls so that digs into my time for other things. I have a bunch of papers to grade for PT school, but have set aside Friday, Saturday and Sunday for that...it makes it more manageable. I have three big assignments due for school this week, one is due tonight and I am not sure how to do it, but I sure will try! The others seem to be better. I also have to complete a bunch of paperwork for the upcoming maternity leave.

Today I have a call in a half hour, so I need to get into a shower. After that call, I will leave to go to get the last of the Easter goodies for the kids, then off to teach, stop at Wegman's on my way back (I am craving sesame honey crunch!) home to make dinner for the family and then write that paper. Tomorrow Gray and I will run to the farm in the morning and leave the hubby home for some rest, then back home to do homework and finish the painting that still isn't done, then off to tutoring. The MIL is coming at some point tomorrow, however I am not concerning myself with when. Friday will be conferences followed by a family outing to the movies and maybe dinner. So there is good reason to oscillate, so much going on!