So Ryan and I are in negotiations over another child. He really doesn't want a fourth, but he also isn't willing to do anything permanent about it. I really want another and have for a long time. I have been focusing on getting healthy and getting my career to a place where I could have another. I just feel like someone is missing, and I would hate to feel that way forever.
I have asked that we try for the three months next fall that would work with my work schedule, I don't want to have to worry about PT gig, so I would like to have another summer baby. I told Ryan if we don't conceive during those months, I will see it as fate and be done with the trying. If I got pregnant then, I would just be turning 34 when the baby came, and I can't bring myself to risk having one after age 35, it wouldn't be fair to the rest of the family to risk having complications.
As of now, he is thinking about my proposition. I know he doesn't actively want another, but I also know he would love and adore any baby that came into our home. I hope he sees that for me, it would be a lifetime of wondering what could have been, and who the person is that I never got to meet and how they would have changed us and made our family even better. My kids are amazing little souls, seeing another in the mix would make me so happy, and would give us all such joy. Ah well, fingers crossed that we have a new little Kelley in the next two years.