Thursday, May 1, 2008

Long and frustrating

I had a really long day. Girls got ready for school, took them and walked in the door to the house where Grayson had just peed all over the bathroom. Cleaned that mess up while husband watched, did some work, loaded the dishwasher, vacuumed and then took Gray with me to pick up the CSA stuff. Left the house angry with husband because he wasn't helping out. Came home and dropped Gray and the CSA stuff off (husband had done 1 thing) and went back out to get groceries. Did very well at the grocery store, which made me happy given how hard it is to feed a family of five good, healthy food. Brought groceries home, got dressed for interview and got ready to go. Went to interview, which was more of a "tell us when you want to start/be put on the schedule" filled out forms and realized my license was at home. Hightailed it home, got license and went back so tutoring place could make a copy. Went to target and bought a million boxes of cereal, paper towels, etc (and again did really well cost wise) and came back home. Started the roast chicken for dinner, vacuumed the house, straightened up the kitchen, worked, cleaned all of the greens from the CSA, made stuffing and corn muffins and dealt with a few work issues. It is now 5:40 and I know I still have work ahead of me, which makes me mad since I always try to keep Thursdays as quiet nights. Tomorrow I need to get into my garden and make sure the peas are growing well. I also need to go get 1 x 2s to make the trellis for the pole beans, and I need to get cages for my tomatoes and new herb seeds (which I will plant tomorrow)

I am just tired of working so hard everyday, while husband barely does anything. The one thing I can say about myself is that I am one hard worker, and I will do anything I need to to help my family. Since the inception of this family, I have worked many, many jobs. I have given up on being home with my kids at times to earn a living. I have worked multiple jobs, sacrificed all I could and kept pushing through school, just to make a life for them. As I near the end of school, only a year left on classes plus a year of dissertation, I wonder how I will view things. Will I want to stay in a marriage where I have been busting my ass for 10 years? Will I need to keep working as hard as I do? I guess time will tell.

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