Saturday, March 29, 2008

Life is hard

For some reason I feel like I am struggling in all I do lately. The class I am in is kicking my butt and I am one of those people who really beats themselves up if they don't achieve to the level they set for themselves. In addition, it is our slow week at FT school, so I feel unproductive and then worry that I am not doing all I can there. I am one of those people who lives with significant self doubt, maybe it is leftover from those days at Clemson when I failed everything just because I wanted to have fun. I know that this is a phase, I know that it will pass and that I am doing just fine, but I hate when my internal dialogue is so negative.

Also stressing me out is the planting. We have plants growing inside, but we need to get the garden prepped and it is too big of a job for me to do alone. I am thinking of dragging the manure cans with me tomorrow when Haven has riding so I can haul some manure home, at least it is a start. Maybe Gray and Britt can help shovel...hahaha! Next week Ryan is going on a field trip with Brittan's class, so I lose his help for that day as well. I am just happy we are on our way, one or two good days outside and we will be ready, now if only the weather would cooperate and get a touch warmer.

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