Sunday, March 30, 2008
Are we always 16 inside?
So many days I feel like a grownup, all of the responsibilities, kids, house, husband, they weigh me down and I have to be the one who makes the hard choices and doles out the punishment. On a bad day, when I am so overwhelmed and feel like my life is running away from me, I still feel 16. I stand in the kitchen with the music blasting, eyes closed, and still feel like the babysitter waiting for the real parents to come home. My life moved so very fast after college, and I love what I have now, but there are so many days that I feel like I never really got a chance to finish growing up. I stand there in my jeans, hoodie and ponytail and wonder how it is that this is MY house and MY kids and that I have to be in charge. There are days I long for the ability to not have to make decisions, especially the hard ones, or deal with money and bills. Days where I want to jump in the car and go out and experience all that the world has to offer, see the sites I have never seen and find all of the nooks and crannies. When my kids are older, will I be too old for these things? Will I still want to drive into the world and find a new road or roadside shop? Will I always feel 16?