Thursday, April 3, 2008


It is now after midnight, and I am up...again.

I finally got all of my work done. I have to make a few changes to one paper, and haven't heard back regarding the other, but I am hoping all went well.

My day was nuts and long and I am exhausted. I feel like I haven't stopped moving in weeks. I also feel like no one understands my life, and fear that this journey is going to be a lonely one. It is unfortunate what you learn in time, the lessons I have learned from my experiences are diverse, from having my heart broken, to seeing it swell with love. I guess only time will tell who will be standing with me when all of this is done, but there is little I can do about that. I am one of those people who feels that if you cannot do something to the best of your ability, then don't bother, and it applies to all aspects of life.

I wish everyone who criticizes me or tells me how or what I should be doing could spend a single day in my life. I think then they would see just how hard it is to balance all that I do, and how close to the edge you are standing at all times. I am trying my best everyday, even if it doesn't seem like it, and I am sorry if it isn't good enough. It is always easier to stand outside looking in and tell someone what they should do, it is very different when you are immersed in the situation. This is by far the hardest thing I have had to do.

All I can do it get up tomorrow and keep pushing forward. I am thankful for the small handful of people who have taken this journey and can provide insight, although I don't know anyone who has done this with little kids and two jobs. If anyone knows someone like that, send them my way, I am sure we both could use the support.

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