Sometimes being a parent straight up sucks. At different stages in a child's life, there are opportunities for things to be unnerving, upsetting, frustrating, disgusting, annoying, etc. Babies can spit up AND poo on you all at once, really they can, and then, ten minutes later, they can do it again. They can also keep you up all night for many, many nights in a row...not really an example of parenting bliss. I have had a lot of days when parenting sucks, I have had two different kids vomit on my bare legs within two minutes of each other...yuck. I have been up for over 7 nights in a row with only and hour or so of sleep each night...painful. I have had kids diagnosed with things, we have adjusted lifestyles, I have been called names and I have cried many, many times. I have disappointed my kids, I have pushed them too hard and not hard enough, I have been tough and lenient at the wrong times for each and I have made so many mistakes, I am still learning and growing.
Today, parenting sucked. Grayson does not want to play football anymore and to be honest, I don't blame him. He has never fit in well, he doesn't have the skills and since he has this trait of not trying when he isn't good at something, he simply won't get better. We have watched him, week after week, simply not do his best, which is all I ever asked, and it blows my mind since I really try hard at everything I do and don't understand giving up. I never have been one who understood giving up or just not doing...but sadly, my son does. He screwed around in practice yesterday and got hit good and hard, and it hurt, but if he did what they asked, he wouldn't have been hit. I am not a fan of the football atmosphere, they are little kids and it doesnt seem to be about fun at all...and I have a hard time making him go when he is not having fun. We were discouraged from day one, and it looks like Gray has felt that he was not worthy of their time either, which may contribute to thge desire to not do anything anymore. He has felt less than the rest of the boys, he has felt that he was not as good and therefore not as important, and truly, at six, that shouldn't happen.
Final straw...we got up and ready for his game today and when we got there he REFUSED to go with his team and ignored what I asked. Yeah, that sucked, and it was embarassing, and we left and he will no longer play. I hate allowing him to quit, I hate that he disobeyed, but he is six and he was really unhappy and really felt like they were always upset with him, and for him, that meant he simply wouldn't try anymore, instead of try harder. I am frustrated that we didn't equip him with the "do your very best at everything" skill, but I can understand that he was feeling beat down and that he was making everyone else upset and he simply shut down. This was a very bad first sports experience for him, and I just couldn't let it get in the way of his progress at school where he is excelling and making a bunch of new friends. This is not a good fit for him, and maybe we will try to put him in soccer in the spring, it is less competitive and a milder sport for a kid that may not be athletic. Maybe there he will have fun and learn about a team and how everyone on the team is important, not a lesson he learned at football.
Today...today being a parent sucked. Today I felt like I failed him by not pulling him at the start of the season. Today I feel like I failed him by not finding a way to overcome his desire to regress rather than push through something difficult. Today I felt like a bad parent for trying to push him when he was unhappy. Today it sucked, but Gray and I both learned from this and tomorrow will be better.