It has been a tough day, and there will be many more to come I know. I am tired and feeling as though my family expects me to be back to normal, but I am not there yet and my hormones are still a mess.
However, even through the rough day, I am able to see what is in front of me. I have a good, strong,imperfect marriage, and maybe the imperfections are needed to keep us working on not taking it for granted. I have four children, when so many struggle for even one, I am fortunate enough to have four. They are healthy enough, and while dealing with Haven's issues is a struggle which seem never ending and which I believe there are more diagnosis to come, I know we can handle it. I feel like I struggle to parent her a lot, but I do my best every day and hope that it pays off someday, that she knows that I struggled to find the best way to reach her, help her and direct her. The job is not pretty, but I want her to be successful and happy, and I am doing what I can to get her there.
I am so very thankful for Teagan and her health as well. She gave us quite a scare and while we know there still may be heart issues, they are minor compared to what we thought we were facing. We see her cardiologist tomorrow and I anticipate we will start the watch and see phase of things as we see how growth and development affect her heart.
I am also thankful for my health, this pregnancy was a roller coaster and I was terrified of losing my life in the process. While not afraid for myself, I was afraid for Ryan and the kids, and I worried about how it would affect them. I am happy that my cardiologist was pleased with my echo, and I hope that the next one in six months is even better. I also am now 30 lbs lighter than when I got pregnant with Teagan and only 25 lbs heavier than when I got pregnant with Haven...not too shabby for four kids! I am hoping to drop another 15 lbs to help make myself as healthy as possible so I am around for a long, long time.