A great big sigh of relief...well two, maybe three

Wow, last night was my first night at PT school and I had a really excited, chatty, interested class!  This is not usually the case for night classes, especially not MONDAY night classes, but they seemed like a great group, plus it was a small class for me, which makes it so much more fun.

Long night last night, Teagan was up most of the night wailing.  I am not sure if it is teeth or nightmares, but it was loud and long and tiring.  Thankfully I had other things to distract me including my concern over the ultrasound I was having today to check the baby's heart and the cyst they had seen in his brain.

Thankfully today the scan went great.  Finn looks fabulous, no more cyst!  His heart looks perfect too, no defects that can be seen on ultrasound, which knocks out nearly every serious one and all of the minor ones that we have dealt with in the past and my heart issue too!  Such very good news.  In addition, they estimate his weight to be 2.2 lbs which is big for his age, he should weigh around 1 1/2 lbs so he is growing well.


I cannot express how wonderful it felt to have the concern lifted, and while I will always harbor a little worry until he is born, checked over and safely in my arms, I think that is the normal state that every expecting mama is in at this stage of pregnancy.

I am glad for the distraction of the new semester as Finn's arrival will coincide with the end of the term, so along with the progression of the course, Finn's progression will also be tracked. 

So happy to get to live this life.

Add it Up

Geez, I am over so many things.  I realized recently that I have become soft in my old age, that I have allowed things that I would never have allowed at 16, 18, 22....WTH is up with that?  I worry all the time, I don't take any risks...any, and I allow others to impact my choices and to in turn have a negative impact on my kids.

Well, I am done with it.  I decided to no longer let other people impact my life..other than Ryan and the kids that is. No more being walked on, taken advantage of, worried or scared.  I am not sure how I am going to do this, but I know one thing, I was powerful in my teens and twenties. I affected the people around me, I was valuable to them and they cared about me, my life and my ideas. I made choices that were often unpopular, but well executed.  I am worth more than I am getting now, and I am through feeling bad or being put down.  I need to do for myself for a change, and I am not going to be afraid or worried or care if it upsets other people.

So...I am pretty sure that I am going to be pissing a lot of people off in the next few months, and I really don't give a damn anymore.  This is MY life, MY family, and MY choices, and some of you just don't make the cut.

Keeping an eye on the prize

OK, I have to admit it, this pregnancy is kicking my rear.  I am not sure if it is because I am old, or that I have been working two extra PT gigs this summer along with my FT gig and the kids or if it is because I just had a baby a year ago, but ouch, my back hurts!


One area I don't do well in in perspective.  I try to put things in perspective.  I try to see through the moment, but often I fall short.  Right now, things are tough.  We need me to work the FT gig and the PT gig, we need it until the housing market improves or Ryan changes jobs.  It is really OK most of the time, hell I have been doing it for five years now, but sometimes it wears me down.  Having the kids home is tough because well, they are kids!  They need things.  They make messes.  They make NOISE!  All while I try to clean up the house, do laundry and work a full time job (plus the PT stuff) all at the same time.  I don't have an office to retire to, although I have taken to spending a lot of time in my bed working when Ryan is home.  Being pregnant makes me grumpy and tired, and working so much makes me grumpy and tired, and well, we see the trend here. 

I am trying to see through this moment.  Try to just see to next week when the three big kids head back to school and there is only Teagan home to make a mess, which is confined to baby jail.  I know once school starts life is more manageable, the big kid are off, I can get my work done, I can clean up and we get a good dinner on the table most nights.  The change in schedule does present some issues, I teach Monday nights and Wednesday afternoons.  Mondays Ryan is home, so I can ease through the day and leave, which is really nice.  Wednesdays, however, equate to hell.  I have to be up and out the door at 11 to do a conference call on the way to PT school, babysitter comes at noon to watch Teagan so Ryan can sleep, big kids home at four and babysitter must feed them and get them to football for me at 6 while hubby leaves for work, I get to drive straight from class to football practice to relieve babysitter and then bring all four kids home, give baths and put them to bed.  Wednesdays are going to be long, hard days for a preggo mama...however Thursdays Teagan and I plan to hang at home in our PJs all day each week :)

I know these moments will pass.  I know that one day I will look back on these days and wish I had enjoyed them more.  I also know that I am doing this all for the right reasons.  My family needs me to work from home, the kids need me available and I don't want to short change them, so even though it is hard, I do it.  I know that we need me to work the extra PT gigs as they come, it is helping us prepare to move to our dream house in a few years.  I know it is worth it, that I will someday have all the land I have dreamed of, we will have the huge garden, the chickens and goats (and maybe cow), that we will have fruit trees and a huge kitchen for me to work in and more than enough room for our family. I know that I will only work the FT gig when we move and will finally be done with school. I know it is coming, I know it is worth it, and I can see that prize.....it is just tough getting there sometimes.

Removing blinders

I have OCD and anxiety...you all knew that.  When I am tired, stressed, overwhelmed or hormonal....these disorders run rampant.  The last few weeks have been stressful and overwhelming and tiring and hormonal, and therefore I have a hard time seeing through the messes that happen, the noise, the workload, blinders go one and anxiety puts down roots.  Summer is always hard for me, and the last two summers I have been pregnant which lends itself to OCD and anxiety overload!

For me, the fall and winter are calming.  The cool breezes, the cozy evenings, the hoodies...all good for my soul.  When we got home from the trip to RI from hell...that post to come once I get over the stress of it all.....I walked into a house that felt clean and calm minus the dog hair from when we were gone :)  I need that feeling all the time, it is good for me, it makes me feel relaxed.  Today we cleaned early in the day, and I feel much better.  Got most of my work done and have actually felt calm, it has been nice.  Once the kids are at school and I get into my routine with PT school and Teagan, I think the calmer days are ahead.  The days when I can bake bread again.  When the house feels comforting.


The messes will remain, currently the living room is home to all the clothes from the trip and the upstairs needs some major straightening, but today, today it seems doable, and the blinders and anxiety are off.

ebates saves me money

I have begun Christmas shopping since the baby could come around Thanksgiving.  I do a lot of online shopping since I can often find good deals, I can do it when the kids are in the room and the stuff gets delivered...wheeeee.

One way I save money is through ebates.  If you have never heard of them, they are a site that works with retailers and if you go there first, log in to your account and then go over to the store you want to buy from, you get a percentage of your purchase back.  It is awesome.  Last year just from Christmas I got over 100 bucks back as cash just for buying stuff I would have bought anyway!  I always check there first since they also have coupons or if you have coupon codes you found, you can use them as always.  Tonight I ordered two gifts for the girls, some stocking stuffers for the big kids and two Christmas Decorations that were super cute and used a free shipping code and will get 6% back!  With what I bought just tonight, all of which was on sale, and the free shipping which saved me 15 bucks, I will also get almost 8 bucks in cash back.

When Kohls was having their back to school sale and Kohls cash, I used ebates and bought Gray some clothes.  I got my Kohls cash, 10 bucks worth, so my 50 bill (on sale) gave me 10 bucks in Kohls Cash, then I bought stuff on sale and I used a 20% off coupon.....oh and since I went through ebates I got 5% cash back. All in all, I paid under 40 bucks out of pocket for a bunch of clothes (like 4 pants and a pair of jeans, two packs of socks and an outfit for Finn) and had 10 bucks in Kohls Cash to spend (long sleeve onsies thankyouverymuch!) and got cash back :)

Sooo......if you want to try it out, please use the link below.  I get credit for referrals (and you will too if you join!) and you can get even MORE cash back!  Seriously, it works, I promise and I am cashing my most recent Big Fat Check tomorrow, they don't sell your crap and all you have to do is remember to go there first before going to the store site...easy peasy!


http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=q1oG69t0AQbdpee0ji3Vog%3D%3D

Happy Birthday Grayson!

Wow, I cannot believe my little guy turns SIX today!

Grayson is such a sweet boy, he is funny and kind, loves his little sister and adores the big girls.  He is always quick with a hug and a kiss and likes to hang out with older girls...such a little ladies man :)

Grayson started football this year, and to say he was an uncoordinated wreck is an understatement, but in a few short weeks he has come so far!  First scrimmage was yesterday and he got in there and blocked a few kids....now he didn't throw them down, but he stayed right up in there!  One of the other dads noted that he may not have the skills yet, but he has no fear :) 

Grayson brings something special to our home.  Our first son, he is all boy, climbing and making noise and always moving.  He is creative and loves to make things with his legos and Playdoh.  He enjoys anything and everything fireman and superhero related, and is a whiz at coming up with crazy stories.

This year he heads to Kindergarten.  We held him the year so he would be more ready and he is!  He cannot wait to go to school with his big sisters and to get to have all the experiences they have told him about.  I can't wait to see him grow in school, to make new friends and explore all the possibilities of learning.

We love you Gray, you are our special guy and I cannot imagine a moment without you in our lives.  I hope you have an awesome birthday, and while most of today will be spent here at home, we have a few tricks up our sleeve for when Daddy is home next week ;)

Winding down or up?

Another crazy week.  Saw another OB in my practice and really liked her, a LOT.  She confirmed that I can pick who delivers me since I am scheduled and that we can do it on the days I want :)  Now we just need to will Finn to hang in until December 1st or 2nd!  I will see her and another OB I like until I deliver, which is fine with me, since I hated the one woman I saw twice and may have to hold Finn in if I go into labor and she is on call :)

We are gearing up for another trip...not saying when, not saying where.  What I will say is that I must be crazy scheduling three trips in one summer all with a drive of at least 7 hours each way. Actually I had scheduled four, but I canceled one of the NY trips in July in a moment of clarity. 

Work is well...work.  I have about a third of the second course I am writing done, which is good since it should be done by the end of September which is about when PT school gets crazy.  The money has been great, but the burn out is pretty bad. I have sent my second draft of my prospectus in, it is moving right along and if all goes as planned, the dissertation will be done in December 2011, just as Finn turns one.  Not too shabby to have completed a Master's and Doctorate while having kids...started when Brittan was a few weeks old and will finish when Finn turns one.  I am pretty proud of myself, it has not been easy and there are lots of days where I just want to do my work in the morning and get the evenings off like most other folks, but we are nearing the end now, so I just need to keep trucking.

That's about it.  I have been really stressed and overwhelmed this week and I am hoping the little trip will relax me.  Big kids head back to school in a few weeks, and while it will take some getting used to, the school schedule lets me get my work done during the day pretty easily.  The one thing I always need to be careful of is that I don't stay trapped in the house all week, as is my tendency, I need to make sure I get out sometimes too.

Kindergarten Evaluation

Tomorrow I take Gray for his Kindergarten Evaluation and I fully expect him to do poorly, not because he is not a smart boy, but because he is not very interested in performing.  I really don't care as I know he knows what he should for starting K although I wish he was reading more words, and he has been much better at listening (to other people other than ME!) I just hope they get him speech.  This kid mumbles and doesn't pronounce the first consonant and it is making me nuts!  We took him, twice, to the early intervention folks and they told us he was "appropriately" delayed whatever that means.  He is having a hard time being understood and it hinders him, so I hope they see he has a need and give him the service.

I do have to admit I am excited to see him off to school.  We held him the year, and he turns six this week, so he is more than ready to head off and I know it will a good experience for him.  Don't get me wrong, it will be strange to be here alone with Teagan all day alone, and I will miss Gray, but I am happy he is ready and I get some alone time with Teagie before Finn comes.

On to Finn...I think I am harboring a giant. My stomach is HUGE, like about to deliver and pop HUGE and he isn't due until December 11th!  I just turned 23 weeks and I am not sure where this kid is going to grow, I already have hard jabs all day, everyone can see his movement from the outside and he is all the way under my ribs.  I am afraid of what is to come, and being that I already gave birth to four big kiddos, this one seems to be putting them to shame.  We have an ultrasound at the end of the month to check the cyst in his brain and to have the fetal echo cardiogram I have with all my babies, and I am curious to see how big he is.  He was measuring ahead last time, so I am wondering how ahead we will be now.  Slow down Finny, no need to rush!

I am still feeling in my gut that he will try to appear on or around Thanksgiving.  It will be interesting since the hubby works that night so we won't celebrate as a family until Saturday.  I am hoping to have my sister's family here on real Thanksgiving just in case :)

I hate time

I hate time because when it comes to my children, it moves too quickly. Ryan sent me a pic last night of the three "big" kids the last time we went to Florida.  Haven was 8, Brittan 6 and Grayson 4...they were so so tiny.

I also hate time because when I want something, it moves too too sloooooooowly.

It is no secret that I want the hell out of Virginia.  We thought the move would be accelerated, and thus really difficult, because of the hubby's job being eliminated, but they have put the lay offs on hold.  We anticipate he is OK through the end of the year, potentially through next summer.  For us, this is pretty good news since we are so close to paying off my car and the credit cards, like less than 20 months close.  Once those are gone, we have a lot more open doors, and if the housing market could cooperate, we would be out of here.


The real issue has been where to go.  We entertained moving by my sister here in VA.  It would be an easy move since it is in state, just a few hours away.  We could afford the land we want and possibly custom build a house, nice when you have a big family and specific wants in a house.  We would also be near my sister, bil and their kids, which is another big positive.  The negatives are we would still be here, sigh, and we would not have the winters we desire.  We really miss real winter and would like to be near water, if not the ocean, then a big lake.

We also entertained moving back to Long Island...that was squashed after the last visit.  The food is great, so is the ocean, but we simply cannot live anywhere near my husband's family and we could not get the rural lifestyle we desire.

The last option is Upstate NY.  We had been looking closer to NYC, but have since begun looking at the Albany area.  It has the rural areas we desire, it is close to my favorite place on earth (VT), NY School system and University System, there are jobs for the hubby and I could step down to just the one job working from home, great real winters, mild summers for the hubster, lakes.... :)


Now we just need to figure out how to make it happen, and hope that the housing market here improves!  We have the option to rent this house out and buy up there, not my favorite option, but it is there and we should be able to afford it if we need to.  I think the hubby is staying in the current job until he gets laid off and gets his severance, we are hoping to bank that and use it later on.  If we can hold off until after next summer, he can start looking for a new gig when Finn turns 1.  I can handle having him gone all week for spring semester and we may be able to move  June-December 2012.  Ugh.  I hate waiting and planning and hoping  :(  Did I mention I found the PERFECT house, six bedrooms, all new, huge covered wrap around porch, lake on property, over five acres and a full unfinished basement with over 3000 sq feet just in the BASEMENT!  There was also a fire pit out back built into the patio, more than enough room for a huge garden and fruit trees, a pool and the damn house was something we could afford.  Oh it sucks when that happens.

Popping in with randomness

Well a few days off did me good, I feel on top of stuff, work is manageable, got some lectures written and looking at the prospectus this weekend to get the final version done :)

So on to the randomness...

I was feeling really crappy last night, even had some weird sharp chest pains, realized I have been forgetting the iron pills, one pill and I already feel better.

So thankful that we require the kids to have responsibilities from an early age...like two...because they can be helpful when they put their minds to it.  Today while the big girls unloaded the dishwasher and put some random things away, Gray was in switching laundry with me...and when we came home from the store they automatically began putting groceries away...simply awesome.  Now don't get me wrong, they are messy beasts, but when they help, it really makes a difference.

I have been locating deals on gear for the kids.  With a houseful, we need to always watch our pennies, so whenever we can get a good deal, I am all over it.  I found an awesome Kohls deal where I got Grayson 4 pairs of paints, a new tablecloth for Fall, an outfit for the new baby and two packs of socks (12 total) for 52 bucks....and then we got 10 dollars in Kohls cash :)  This came on the heels (hahaha) of a deal on shoes for the big kids, new sneaks all around and ballet flats for Haven for 30 bucks and a deal at Carter's/Osh Kosh for Teagan and Finn where they got 4 outfits each for under 80 bucks!

So today when I saw a deal on Crocs for the big kids (3 pair for 16 bucks!) I jumped on it and right after that order, I got an email that football is canceled tonight.  I was very happy about practice being canceled as it is VERY wet and muddy out which means I would have four muddy kids after the two hour practice.  While riding the high of my deal and the free night ahead, my doorbell rang.

I answered the door and there is a guy standing there, he is from Professional Meats (mind you Capital Meats came to the door last week!?) and tells me they are having a sale on some cut of meat...um, OK?  So first I ponder...do people really buy meat from a guy at their door that they didn't order and that is "on sale"?  I am thinking that sounds a dangerous proposition, I mean, I can see how you would order meat from a company like this and have it delivered, but someone just knocking at the door?

So here is what I say to the guy, "Um, no thanks, we actually get our meat from the farm."

He replies, "Well, we get ours straight from the butcher!"

I then state, "Yeah, OK, well I get mine from the farm, where it is grown and it is natural and hormone free and antibiotic free...."

He then looks at me like I am nuts and says, "So you get it from the farm?  But we get ours from the BUTCHER"

Yeah, then I bid him good day.  Seriously, does the butcher trump the farm?  Our stuff is butchered, it isn't like a whole side of cow is delivered and I carve it at home!  No ill intent to butchers, they know their craft well, but do they know what the animal ate, where it roamed, where it was slaughtered, the conditions and how it was packed before they got it?  My farm does, and I get an ID number for my cow...all the pieces come from the same cow.  The chicken, yep, one farm, one packer....

So now I am really perplexed...do people think buying "sale" meat from a guy at your door who assures you the meat comes from a butcher (although not sure where else they would get it) seem like a better idea than ordering meat from the source? Weird conversation....

The "Have To's"

All I will be doing from now on are the "have to's"   Being that the list is quite long, I have decided to unplug from the blog and Facebook for awhile.

See ya on the other side.

Watch me wax poetic

OK, I promise my bitchy pregnant hormonal self will return soon, but for now, I am all mushy, sentimental and blubbery.

I cannot believe my good fortune.  I see school starting around the corner, and while I will miss my three big kids when they go to school, especially my Grayson who I have had here under my wing for six years, and I know that we are moving towards the holidays.  Thinking tonight of the holiday season, of fires in the fireplace, crisp cool breezes, socks on feet and Christmas decorations, I realized that we will get to share all of this with Finnian too.  I look at my children, my husband and our home, and feel so very blessed and lucky that this is MY family, that those are my babies and that my husband has chosen us, this family and our life together.  I am very clear that our early years were hard, very hard, and I often wondered if our marriage would survive, but here we are more than 10 years later and I am still excited to see Ryan when he gets home.

Soon I will be washing little-little clothes again, and we will be preparing for our newest son. I cannot wait to see him, to hold him and to introduce him to his adoring siblings who talk to him every day.  I am amazed at the excitement from the three older children about the new baby, and there deep love for Teagan, as I feared they would have been unhappy or put off by the changes she brought to our world.  On the contrary, I have seen love grow in all of them, they race to hug her, they shower her with kisses and they greet her each time with enthusiasm and love...it is amazing to see such sweet pure joy come from your children.  There are daily disputes over who gets to hold Teagan and who will get to hold Finn, and they have all expressed how happy they are that they get to have TWO baby siblings to play with and love.  They cheer for Teagan when she says something new, or does something sweet or funny, and even when she is gross and drools on them, they simply shrug it off as "what babies do"

There are folks that believe you do children a disservice by having a larger than normal family, but in my home, when I look at these four sweet souls, I can't see where it has wronged them, and I cannot wait to see them grow up into adulthood, the five in my tribe.

Choked up

I had a good day, a great day save for the super crabby baby...but even when she was crabby I was so happy she is mine, here, and healthy.  Finnian has been a dancing fool, kicking and turning and making his presence known, and the big kids played well today and helped me out when asked.  I am really one lucky soul.

At present we are doing okay financially, hubby's job is not in immediate danger and I have a healthy little tribe.  Life is good, and tonight when chatting with my husband who was kindly making me iced tea at 10:30 at night because I was thirsty, I got choked up.  We are a lucky bunch here.  We have everything we need and most things we want.  We are going to be blessed with our fifth child, our second son, and so many couples struggle to grow their family.  Our marriage is healthy and strong, and even when we hit bumps, we come out hand in hand moving forward.  We are *nearly* out of debt, in the next year and a half most of our debt will be gone and we will have an even more secure financial future and the ability to move to a house with much more land.  Life is good for us, and while the days seem long sometimes, or the tasks overwhelming, I know that tomorrow morning when I wake up, there will be five people happy to see me, and that in and of itself, is a wonderful gift.

I think I am calm....

Wow, it has been a surprisingly easy and good day.  Got the chores and work done, prospectus is being emailed tonight and I have a plan for dinner (chicken caeser salad sandwiches with chips and fruit) then football.  I feel on top of things today, and it is a nice change of pace....I even managed to check off new school shoes for the kiddos today and I got the three big kids new sneakers and Haven ballet flats for 30 bucks shipped!  Just need one more pair of shoes for Gray and Britt, first day of school outfits for each and some pants for Gray and we are good to go :)  I also have a load of baby clothes I am ready to order, 4 outfits for Teagan and four for baby Finn.  Teagan should be set for Fall and early winter, so that is a relief, and I will begin acquiring for Finn more in September, we have some stuff from Grayson and some gender neutral stuff from Teagan we can use, but he will need some new onsies (long sleeve) cotton pants, socks, sleepers ad gowns for the early months.

I also booked our sitter for Fall...seems the hubby's job is much more secure and we don't anticipate a layoff soon, so I needed to get my ducks in a row for when I head back to PT school.  Thankfully the sitter knew my schedule and was easy to book, and she is willing to drag the whole crew to football on Wednesdays for me and feed them dinner, YEAH!

So now I am ready for fall, I want the shorter days, the cooler breezes and the crisp air.  Bring it on, I am ready to run through fall so I can meet my new baby boy!

The morning thus far

Well we didn't sleep until 10...well most of us.  Woke and checked the bank account...Friday ritual since we get a check every week, hubby and I are on opposite pay schedules so the checks arrive each week...sadly the check this week was 300 bucks short..YIKES!  Hubby checked when he came home and for some reason his timecard did not go through right so we were missing some hours, it will show in next check...whew, good thing it wasn't a rough week!

So Teagan, Britt and Gray were up by 7:30 which meant I got them fed and the dishes I chose to ignore last night done early AND all my work work for the day..hip hip hooray!  Haven slept until 10 am, and I am very afraid of what that will mean tonight, but I am going with it since she seems pleasant.

Teagan was sitting with Gray and Britt watching High 5 and she was totally rocking out, bouncing, clapping and dancing. Then when Haven got up, she toddler-ran over to her and gave Haven a huge hug complete with a squeeze and a back pat...so sweet. So thankful my kids really like one another and I hope it continues as they get older.

Now I need to put the baby down for a nap and finish the rough draft of my prospectus, it is going out today, no excuses.  Football tonight, but I am planning an easy dinner, grilled chicken salad, so that should help make the afternoon run smoothly, and I *may* order pizza for lunch since I feel lazy :) Football time will be spent writing lectures so I can get paid.

Dear World...Back the Hell Off

Um see me...well that arm sticking out of quicksand?  Yeah, that is me drowning in it.  Work is well....ugh.  Too much to do and way too little time to do it.  I feel like I am going from the moment we get up until I finally pass out at 11 or 12, and none of that time is spent resting or relaxing.  I managed a half hour "lunch break" today, but had to share with the little demander, so I only got half of my baked stuffed tomato  *sigh*

I think it would help if I wasn't exhausted by 5, but unless I find a way to rest or do less, I am not sure how to swing that.  Should make teaching a 7-10 pm class fun come fall :)

So seriously, if you want something from me...don't ask.  If you have drama....don't share.  If you have an issue...take it elsewhere, because I really just don't have the time or energy to deal with anything except what I have to, and that is my husband, kids and work.

Scheduled lunch break

Work has been so so so busy.  Between all the jobs, I am working non-stop and any breaks I have, I am tackling laundry, dinner, errands, etc.  I am wiped.

I finally decided that I need to schedule a lunch break for myself every day.  I made myself some lunch, gnocchi with spinach and garlic, and decided NO WORK UNTIL 3!  That means, no dishes, no emails, no posts, no vacuuming...NO WORK.  It is great, I am watching TV, blogging and eating lunch and it was so needed.  At three I will grade the final assignment I have to deal with and I will work on my prospectus, I will look over the lectures I need to write and check on dinner, but for the next blissful hour I am doing nothing :)

Love when the day surprises you

It was a good day...rough morning, but good day.  I got a lot accomplished including Freecycling the queen bed that was taking up space in Teagan and soon to be Finn's room.  While thinking about starting dinner I decided we needed a night out, so the crew piled in the car and we headed to dinner.  Great dinner and then a stop for ice cream (and funnel cake for the cravin' mama) on the way home.  Kids and Daddy played pinball and it was simply a fun outing for everyone.  Now all the kids have finished baths and showers and the muck of a day playing outside and eating ice cream has been washed away.  I am tucked up in my bed relaxing and working on some grading and Ryan is studying for an exam. Today was a good day, a nice, easy, quiet good day.

The Great and Powerful Ry has Spoken

Football stays. Ugh.  I am still left with a bad taste in my mouth especially since my people pleaser Mr. Nice Guy husband was the one to talk to the coach.  He is also making the ENTIRE crew go to practice today, and I will have to leave at 7 since I have a work call.  I am less than pleased as I am still not happy with what was said and how it was all handled, but Grayson smiled when he heard he had practice, so we will go.  I will go each time I need to and sit in my chair and entertain my girls.  I will sit at games and watch. I will go because it is what Grayson wants, but one wrong word or move by the coaches and my full on LI preggo hormonal mom side will be out and it will not be pretty, seriously, no one wants to see a pregnant mama screaming and yelling obscenities at big grown men.  I am hoping Grayson proves them wrong, and that the coaches redeem themselves, but still I am not happy.

Being a parent sucks

I love my kids, deeply, strongly and with abandon....I also am willing to see their faults.

I know Haven will never be a big time dancer...seriously, we all know if we watch her for a few minutes, but at the tender age of 10, she is allowed that dream and I as her mother remind her that it is all about having fun, doing your best and loving what you do.  She doesn't have to worry about if dance will be her career (and it won't) but that she loves it NOW.

I HATE that other people have access to my kids and the ability to impact them in ways I don't approve of.  I have had teachers that I couldn't stand, who only saw bad and never potential, and it made me so angry that they had uncontrolled access to those little souls.  I am not a parent that tells my kids that they will be whatever they want, but I do tell them to TRY their best and if they like what they are doing, that is what should matter.

After an event today, I am pretty sure I am done with football, husband wants to talk to the coach, but unless he plans to sit there instead of going to work Weds and Fridays or is there to keep a hand plastered over my mouth, I am done.  I believe in my kids, and I also believe in my students when they walk through the door.  I believe it is MY job as the teacher to guide my children and students to be the best they can be, to see them as individuals and not to jump to conclusions about their abilities.  More than once I have been surprised by a student who achieved so much more than I anticipated and I felt awful for mentally selling them short.  I refuse someone access to my child who does not want to see the positive in him, to see the potential for improvement or change and who cannot get over their own preconceived notions to try and teach.  They should be ashamed, and once the husband backs off, they will be hearing an earful from me.  I am pretty sure that putting down a five (almost six to be FAIR) year old is not what coaching is about, and I sure as hell hope that their kids never ever struggle with something and are given a "teacher" who cares so little about the process and only about their own (possibly) misguided impressions.