OK, I have to admit it, this pregnancy is kicking my rear. I am not sure if it is because I am old, or that I have been working two extra PT gigs this summer along with my FT gig and the kids or if it is because I just had a baby a year ago, but ouch, my back hurts!
One area I don't do well in in perspective. I try to put things in perspective. I try to see through the moment, but often I fall short. Right now, things are tough. We need me to work the FT gig and the PT gig, we need it until the housing market improves or Ryan changes jobs. It is really OK most of the time, hell I have been doing it for five years now, but sometimes it wears me down. Having the kids home is tough because well, they are kids! They need things. They make messes. They make NOISE! All while I try to clean up the house, do laundry and work a full time job (plus the PT stuff) all at the same time. I don't have an office to retire to, although I have taken to spending a lot of time in my bed working when Ryan is home. Being pregnant makes me grumpy and tired, and working so much makes me grumpy and tired, and well, we see the trend here.
I am trying to see through this moment. Try to just see to next week when the three big kids head back to school and there is only Teagan home to make a mess, which is confined to baby jail. I know once school starts life is more manageable, the big kid are off, I can get my work done, I can clean up and we get a good dinner on the table most nights. The change in schedule does present some issues, I teach Monday nights and Wednesday afternoons. Mondays Ryan is home, so I can ease through the day and leave, which is really nice. Wednesdays, however, equate to hell. I have to be up and out the door at 11 to do a conference call on the way to PT school, babysitter comes at noon to watch Teagan so Ryan can sleep, big kids home at four and babysitter must feed them and get them to football for me at 6 while hubby leaves for work, I get to drive straight from class to football practice to relieve babysitter and then bring all four kids home, give baths and put them to bed. Wednesdays are going to be long, hard days for a preggo mama...however Thursdays Teagan and I plan to hang at home in our PJs all day each week :)
I know these moments will pass. I know that one day I will look back on these days and wish I had enjoyed them more. I also know that I am doing this all for the right reasons. My family needs me to work from home, the kids need me available and I don't want to short change them, so even though it is hard, I do it. I know that we need me to work the extra PT gigs as they come, it is helping us prepare to move to our dream house in a few years. I know it is worth it, that I will someday have all the land I have dreamed of, we will have the huge garden, the chickens and goats (and maybe cow), that we will have fruit trees and a huge kitchen for me to work in and more than enough room for our family. I know that I will only work the FT gig when we move and will finally be done with school. I know it is coming, I know it is worth it, and I can see that prize.....it is just tough getting there sometimes.