Come hang out with one sleep deprived mama with kids on winter break and the hubby on his long week. So far we have made it through most of the week unscathed, although last night about did me in. Finn was fussy until 11, then I went to sleep, Teagan was up crying just before midnight so I went and settled her and emerged after midnight (Happy New Year to me!) then back to sleep, up at 1 with Finn, back to sleep and up from 3-5 with Finn, up at 6:30 with Teagan. Yeah...tired. I guess the hardest part is that there is no opportunity for help from Ryan, and I know he feels bad about it but there is nothing we can do. When they changed to the 12 hr shifts this summer we lost the chance I had for a break. In the good ole days, he got up for dinner and then was able to hang with us for an hour or so before putting kids to bed for me and going to work. Now he leaves at dinner time, so we don't really see him and I don't get those blessed few minutes to step away that I need, and it is hard. The trade off is that he only works three days every other week, and those weeks are awesome...but right now I am counting the minutes until he gets home tomorrow, sleeps and then is available to help me out a little.
The good thing, the best thing, the only thing that helps me get through the exhausting days is that I know why we are doing this. I know that we love our kids so much that we have arranged these crazy schedules and jobs so they have us here for them. I know that we love them so much that we are busting our rears right now, working extra hours and jobs to afford the things they want and need and to save and prepare to make our big move in the next few years. I know we are doing this so when we move, we will move to a huge lot of land where the kids have room to roam, where we can build our dream home and where we will stay forever and only have to work one job apiece, hopefully with the hubby working a standard shift for a change. It is so hard some days, juggling the kids, school, work, etc can be wearing, but they are worth it, being here with them is worth is, and the life we continue to build is worth it.