Friday, May 7, 2010

Heavy chest

Wow, I am not sure how to approach this on a blog, but I am just so hurt and so sad.  We announced our pregnancy to my parents last week the same time we did everyone else (except my sister and Emily who got the early heads up).  It was a difficult decision because my mother has never been happy when we announced a new baby.  She says she is worried about me, but she is so mean and so hurtful that I have a really hard time believing it comes from a place of concern.  I believe she really only looks at herself in these situations, I think for some reason she is embarrassed that we have such a large family, and she is not happy that I have chosen to have that family with Ryan, regardless of how happy we all are.

We decided to email them a picture of the ultrasound and a note since they were away.  It was the easy way out for me, since I didn't have to deal with her initial reaction, and I felt it would give her a day or two to sort through her bad feelings and find a way to be nice.  Sunday the phone rang and it was my father who kindly congratulated me and said they worried about my health, etc, but he (and my mom) were happy to have a new child in the family.  My mother....she was laying down and couldn't talk to me.  Fast forward to yesterday, Brittan had her play at school and had a big speaking part and I wanted to remind them to call her and wish her luck, so I called and spoke to my father and he said they would call.  At 5 pm, phone rang and it was my father, he talked to Brittan and my mother got on the phone and talked to Brittan and then when Britt handed the phone back, it was my father, my mother had "gone to get ready for Bridge."  OK, so it has been a week and she hasn't said anything to me, not hello, now what's going on, nothing. Hell, don't say congratulations, but don't stop talking to me over this!

I am so sick of being made to feel like a disappointment.  I have four beautiful, well behaved, happy children who are loved beyond belief and number five will join in all of that happiness.  I am beginning my dissertation and have a respectable job as a college professor.  I own my home, I love my husband and I am happy with the life we have created.  Is it hard sometimes, yes, is it a life that most people would choose, probably not, but it is my life and my choices.  It makes me so sad, so sad that this is how I will remember announcing the newest baby, sad that the previous four announcements have been just as poorly received and upsetting to me.  When did a new child become something to punish someone for?


Jen said...

My parents are similar, it sounds like. I haven't been on the receiving end of their pregnancy disappointment (except when I was unmarried), but my sister has and they've openly discouraged her from having more children... but like you, she is happy, successful, has wonderful kids and a loving family, and it makes no sense.

I think it's wonderful that you're having another child, and I think you should surround yourself with people who are happy for you and let your mom come around when she's ready to join in your joy. It is her loss. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

Christine Deppen said...

I am sorry that your Mom can't be happy for you. It must stem from some sort of jealousy or insecurity within herself. At least it sounds like you have your dad on your side. It must hurt your feelings, but hopefully she will come around. You know that you are making good decisions for your family so it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. This is an exciting time for your "tribe" and don't let Mom's insecurities overshadow that. There are so many other people who support you and are happy for you!!!