Friday, March 11, 2011

Inside yourself

I had one of those moments today in the car, one of those innocent glimpses inside yourself when you just feel your own strength.  They are fleeting, and they remind me a bit of the exhilaration of a new love and a first kiss.  For me today it was simple moment.  I had a good day at home with the babies and I was happy all day that my husband was home tonight to lend a hand.  I made dinner and Ryan served it up as I walked out the door to run to the store.  I was alone, blissfully alone, and grabbed some coffee for myself and donuts for the kids for later, then ran through the grocery store.  On the ride home my mind wandered and I thought about the last year, the surprise of Finn, the changes in our family, the tears, the laughter and the joyful peace that came with people coming in as friends, and those we needed to leave behind as we moved on.  I felt it well up as a favorite song came on the radio, the peaceful yet strong feeling from my gut that told me I was strong and I was fortunate and I was loved beyond measure.  I felt such sweet inner peace, no questioning if I was a good wife and mother, no worry about bills or schedules, no concern over what any one else thought, I knew, at that moment, that I was OK with who I am. 

As a mom and wife I often feel a little lost.  I find myself trying to be the right thing, say the right thing, clean the right thing :)  It is exhausting to worry about everything all the time, and there is a strange sense of peace knowing that tomorrow will still come even of you make a mistake.  So I drove home to the kitchen that is still a wreck from dinner and while my big kids put away the groceries, Ryan held a sleeping baby and I put a tired little toddler to bed.  Now they are all helping clean up, and I will finish my blog post, go in and dole out donuts and be thankful for all I have.

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