Sunday, February 14, 2010


Day started off nice, kids and I hung out upstairs, slow start to the morning and then down to have breakfast. Ry got home late, but came bearing bagels and presents so we forgave him. I got a really nice chocolate heart, a great card and cash....which threw me for a second until I saw the note in the card that I could only use the cash to get a pedicure :)

Kids were spoiled with Webkinzs and candy and they were thrilled. I got Ry a dark chocolate heart which is his favorite and a nice cash though :)

Day got a little rough due to the overwhelming pile of work I have to do. I try to explain this to folks, and no one seems to get just how much goes on here behind the scenes. I have not had a day off in years...with the exception of maternity leave. Seriously I work every day of the week because I have to. I have lectures to write in the next three days, I have to teach Monday and Wednesday, I have to grade 4 major assignments, I have to teach online, I have to mentor 6 faculty and coach 20, I have 7 hours of meeting calls over three days time and I have to get ready for a new session start on Thursday. I also have to nurse a baby on demand, cook three meals a day (well that has gotten lax), clean up from a meal three times a day, run kids around to school and other activities, do laundry every day, vacuum at least twice a day, wipe bathrooms, table, dust, etc every day just to stay afloat. It is incredibly overwhelming and I have a work trip in three weeks so I need to add pumping to my list plus shopping for appropriate clothes and I have a class I am taking ( my LAST!!!) that also starts in 3 weeks!

It got to be so overwhelming that I just broke down. I rarely get so overwhelmed that I cannot muscle through and make a plan, but right now there is just too much at once. I know that this will go on until summer and that seems a long way away. I often fear that it isn't worth it. That getting the doctorate isn't worth it, that working extra to pay things off isn't worth it, that killing myself daily isn't worth it, but I hope it is. I hope that in three years we will have no debt beyond the house and my school loans. I hope that in three years we will live somewhere else, Ry will have a better schedule and I will have one job. I hope in three years, it is worth all of it.

So I decided that since there is no hope for a day off, I needed two hours. I closed the laptop, paid for a PPV movie and sat on the couch with the baby. I laughed a few times out loud at the movie, and felt a little better. I also decided that tonight will be a Chinese food night since the family has been asking for it for weeks, and I just have no desire to cook. Hopefully once the kids go to bed I will be able to start writing the lectures, and the hubby feels so bad for me that he agreed to clean the upstairs tomorrow with the kids so I can work downstairs in the morning. Maybe tomorrow it won't feel so overwhelming.

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