Oh my the stress and anxiety are out of control. Most who know me, know that I have severe OCD and take on probably too much, but thrive on being busy. Being someone who always seeks perfection and has a need to be busy is a double edged sword. While it is great that I can juggle my jobs, home, kids and school even while taking on probably more than anyone should, the flip side is that when it falls apart, it is a huge issue. I have tried medications in the past to help with my anxiety, some did nothing and some worked really well. I was even put on a medication meant to curb my OCD and it was terrible, I couldn't make a list, plan or decision....so not conducive to my life!
My favorite med of choice is Xanax as I can take it only when I need it and it calms my anxiety right down, but I cannot take it while nursing. This leads me to the postpartum issues I am facing right now. I don't get postpartum depression, I get postpartum anxiety. In the past, I was able to work through it on my own, but this time, with so much going on, I just cannot. I am totally fixated on a few key "worries" to the point that I am changing my life to avoid these things, and THAT is a big issue. I feel like the anxiety is a big brick wall keeping me from seeing all the good things and only seeing the bad. Needless to say, I will be seeing my doctor this week to try another medication that will hopefully help me get over this hump.
I hope that anyone who is suffering finds the help they need. I have no problem admitting that I need a medication to help me right now. While the anxiety will eventually go away, I don't want to be miserable the entire time. I am fortunate enough that in my day to day I usually don't need the assistance of medication and do well being my normal crazy self, but also know that many folks do need this help and shouldn't be ashamed or not seek help because they fear what people will think.
I am off to take the kids to Em's and then on to teach a class. I know this will cause me stress and panic, but soon I will have help and will feel better. Anxiety is a terrible thing and takes so much away from my joys in life, I will be happy to see it go.
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