Monday, September 21, 2009

Admit Defeat

OK, so I try to keep most things close to the vest on here, but sometimes I feel the need to share. I am very prone to anxiety and have wicked OCD, we all know these things about me. I have tried medications and therapy in the past to "help" and basically was told that I was functionally OCD which was a nice way of saying that I was good crazy. My lifestyle requires a bit of craziness, so I have basically just puttered along.

While pregnant with Teagan, we faced a lot of challenges, some the burst pipe and house flood, some medium, like the mother in law moving in for a short time, and some more major like the heart issues the baby and I faced. I have found that leaving the anxiety behind has been difficult postpartum, so I have begun taking Paxil to help things along. Am I happy about it, no. Do I need it right now, yes. The anxiety has become overwhelming for me, keeping me up at night and making me cranky and short. I started on the 10 mg dose, which is the lowest, but it made me feel sick to my stomach, although it curbed the anxiety. I went off for a few days, and today split the pills into 5 mg doses to see if that cuts the side effects.

Sometimes you just need to admit that you need help, and I hope it is only for a short while, I like my usual functional craziness.

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