Just cook

So when I am overwhelmed or stressed I cook and bake, which is funny because when I am overwhelmed and stressed I can't eat.  Basically in this situation, the family totally benefits from elaborate homemade meals and baked from scratch goodies.  Two days ago it was cranberry, white chocolate, cinnamon bread for snack and crab cakes for dinner, yesterday it was from scratch chocolate mint brownies and lemon chicken.  There is something about cooking and baking that is calming to my soul, the act of putting all these pieces together to make something delicious is very satisfying.  It speaks to the control freak I am, when I cannot control a situation, I find something I can have total control over and manipulate into what I want it to be.

Oddly enough I have not begun the holiday baking.  Usually by now I have at least four kinds of cookies tucked away inside the freezer (I make a bunch that freeze really well ahead) and have my list for the last 8 or so kinds and the schedule.  No list has even been made yet, and no plan to start baking.  Maybe I will find inspiration later this week, or maybe we will just not have a dozen kinds of cookies this year, I will have to see how everything turns out.  I have purchased about 75% of the gifts so that is a relief, but this year I am having a hard time getting ready for the holidays.  I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that Thanksgiving is only two weeks away, it just seems unreal right now.  I have become one of those people with that far away stare when they are out and about, glazed over and huddled deep inside myself, the holiday spirit may be hard to drag out this year but somehow it will happen and I am sure no one will know the internal struggle it took to achieve holiday magic.