Just sitting

So today I feel like I haven't gotten much accomplished. I did get my work done, and dinner is cooking, so that is something. Britt decided she felt well enough for school and if she comes home OK she will go to her soccer game, which means Ry needs to drag everyone since I have work.

I switched laundry and did dishes, and took care of the kids who are home, but mostly, I sat here.

Here is the thing, all jokes aside, I am scared. I am sacred to be hoping that all Haven has is seizures. I am scared that something may be really wrong. I am scared of the medication, side effects and what it means for my girl. Life with Haven is always a roller coaster, and we have been here before, waiting, watching and knowing that there could be one horrible outcome and one not great outcome, and it never gets easier and we have always been lucky.

I can't cry today, she is home. I cry when she isn't, or last night when my husband walked out the door and I heard it close, I stood in my dark kitchen and actually let the bad thoughts in, I cry then.

Please.....just hope for the not so bad for us, let us be lucky again.