Haven

I love my oldest daughter, I love her deeply and thoroughly and painfully. She can make me crazy in an instant, but we have a special bond. Part of what makes us so close is her health. There are so many people out there who have sick children, really sick children, and every day I wonder how they do it. Our story is quite different, Haven has no disorder, we have no plan or expectations, she just keeps having one thing after another. I joke that I want to go to a specialist and have nothing be wrong, but truthfully, I would love that as it has never happened. In her eight years, Haven has had a pediatric gastroentrologist, pediatric cardiologist, two pediatric allergists, two pediatric neurologists, an orthopedist as well as the standard pediatricians and dentists. currently we are awaiting final diagnosis of the seizures, but while we wait, her behavior is getting more bizarre and I am watching the kid I love and who makes me crazy slip away. She is not herself, she is acting strange and is horribly explosive. She scares me, I am afraid she will hurt herself, and I have real reason to worry. Tonight, my beautiful girl, who loves her long, blond hair, cut a huge section out. She went, got scissors and cut it off and then went back to what she was doing. When her father saw, and he asked, he said she then realized what she had done and was upset. That is not like my girl, she won't even let me trim her hair.

Now tomorrow, I will send her to school, trying to disguise the blatant bald spot. I will call the neurologist to see if there are other tests she needs. I will call the school nurse and explain her erratic behaviour and ask that they watch her. I will call the teacher and ask for a conference. I will then cry.