Mistakes

A good friend blogged the other day that she and I were in her car with our six kids and she asked me if I knew how we got here. I explained that no, I didn't and that this was not the life I had planned at all. Ten years ago I would never have thought I was living in Virginia with three kids, a professor working to complete a doctorate and married to Ryan. I love my kids and most of the time my job. I love my husband most of the time, but just like all marriages there are good and bad days. We have been having a rough two days here, lots of fighting, lots of angry nastiness. Times like these make me feel like I made a mistake in choosing him as my husband and the father of my children, but deep down inside I know that these are just two days of many that are wonderful. Where I am happy that we laugh and play and enjoy each other. I really think a lot of the last few days has to do with all of the overtime he has been working, it has worn me down and worn him down, I haven't been feeling well, the kids have been sick, so all around, we are just done. I just wish that when we were mad we weren't so mean, I know that some of the things I say stick with him for a long time, and some things he says just bruise my heart. I do love him, and just hope that we can mend the fence and head back to the fun days.