Torn

OK, I have a few drinks in me and so I decided to open my soul a bit for everyone.

Here are things I am torn up about:

1. Is having MIL here good or bad? Seems it depends on the day for me. It is good that she will be able to help with the kids and that if for some reason I went back to a more full time job, it would be another grownup in the house.

2. Do I REALLY want another baby or not? That seems to depend on the day, one day I desperately want another one, the next day I am relieved that I am not expecting. I guess that just means I can make due whatever happens.

3. Do I want to move or not? Well, I really want land, loads of it, and the ability to raise and grow our own....BUT we have good friends here and have made a life for the kids and ourselves. Right now, Ryan and I are hoping we can buy a beat up little house on loads of land within five hours from here. Since I don't work on site anywhere in the summer, the kids and I would summer there, grow and raise food etc., and Ryan could come every other weekend. If we had that land, we could have all the things we can't get at this house, like apple groves and a pool, so it would be the best of both worlds. Plus we can totally fix anything in a house at this point, so we could fix the place up, add on when we could, etc.

4. Do I want a FT "real" job or not? Well, I want the MONEY from a FT regular gig, but I would HATE losing my flexible schedule. Maybe if I get this darn doctorate done I can get a FT teaching gig on campus, then I am free during breaks and my schedule is a lot more lax than a "real" job.

OK, that is all I have to share, I am not good at sharing, ask Emily, curse of being the youngest ;)