So...I meant to blog on Tuesday but the day got away from me.
On Tuesday, my second daughter turned ten...TEN! She turned the big double digits and she is growing into an amazing young lady. When Brittan was born she was so different from Haven. She didn't cry much as a newborn, and she always seemed timid. As she grew we found that she liked her space, even as a little baby, and she would happily sit for hours observing us and smiling when we looked her way...but if we got too close, or pulled her into the craziness that was Haven at age two, poor little Britt would lose it. She was a beautiful baby, she looked like a little doll, and she would sit in the cart at the store and just smile at everyone around her, so long as they kept their distance. As the years went on, Brittan grew and changed and found her voice. She is no longer timid, although one of our more quiet children, and she is far from shy. She excels at school and sports and loves to run of all things! She is a mother hen to the babies-competent, genuine, loving and sweet. She is bossy to Haven and Grayson and I see a lot of my desire for perfection and things being just so in her. She is tender hearted, and feels deeply and can have such empathy for those around her.
We are a dynamic bunch-loud, opinionated and passionate and for awhile I worried that our quiet, sweet, petite little girl would struggle to find her place. Well, I didn't need to worry, she has her place. Now at ten, she is a force in our home, a quiet storm of sorts, and not only do I rely on her to toe the line and be a team player, but her siblings rely on her to help them stay on track (although they may complain she "helps" too much!). She is going to be a great woman, an amazing mother and she wants to be a teacher when she grows up. She adores little ones, her siblings and every other small child we come across, and she has a way of working with them and talking to them that makes all the little ones just love her. She is responsible, silly, kind, loyal and full of joy. She is the balance to the intensity that is her older sister, and she is a child who is always surprising us at every turn.
Happy 10th birthday Brittan Elizabeth. You were named for the four great grandmothers and I see all of their best qualities in you every day. We love you more than anything, and we are thankful every day that your sweet soul is ours to care for. I am so excited to see you grow!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
My littlest girl
It has been quite a while since I blogged, that happens when you have a house full of children, very busy jobs and a husband's job schedule that is changing and demanding. Today, however, is one day that I must blog, because today is Teagan's 3rd birthday!
We had a big break between kids after Grayson. My oldest three are a neat and tidy two years apart each, and then it took nearly five more years for us to have our fourth child, our sweet and sassy little Teagan Jayne. The pregnancy with her was really tough and included preterm labor, meds that completely messed with my already wonky heart and numerous cardiology visits to check on her little heart that was beating erratically. It was a long pregnancy, scary at times, and when we neared 37 weeks my doctor decided it was best for all involved to have her. We had an amnio as I turned 37 weeks and found out the next day her little lungs were ready to go, so we scheduled her to be born on Wednesday July 15th. Actually, my doc wanted to wait a few extra days and have her on Friday, but that was my second daughter's birthday and I could not make them share a birthday if there was a way to avoid it. Looking back, I was so worried about Brittan having to share her week with Teagan, but instead she relishes the special bond that it brings, and they have such a sweet relationship, I am happy that they can share their birthday week.
So today marks three years since that little 7 lb 6 oz bundle came into our world. She is the fourth child, but the firsts in many ways-the first with a dimple and the first with her Daddy's curls and our smallest baby. Teagan changed us, changed our family and our world and all for the better. We never knew what we were missing until she came along. At three she is hysterical. She loves to laugh and is super happy and smiley-unless you get on her bad side and then she lets you know! She is so very smart, loves to learn and is creative and inventive. She loves her siblings and calls them all her "friends" and she has a really special bond with her baby brother. She is so spunky, loud and silly, amazing and fun, loving and kind. Happy Birthday my Joopy Jayne and Daddy's Tigger, we love you so very much!
We had a big break between kids after Grayson. My oldest three are a neat and tidy two years apart each, and then it took nearly five more years for us to have our fourth child, our sweet and sassy little Teagan Jayne. The pregnancy with her was really tough and included preterm labor, meds that completely messed with my already wonky heart and numerous cardiology visits to check on her little heart that was beating erratically. It was a long pregnancy, scary at times, and when we neared 37 weeks my doctor decided it was best for all involved to have her. We had an amnio as I turned 37 weeks and found out the next day her little lungs were ready to go, so we scheduled her to be born on Wednesday July 15th. Actually, my doc wanted to wait a few extra days and have her on Friday, but that was my second daughter's birthday and I could not make them share a birthday if there was a way to avoid it. Looking back, I was so worried about Brittan having to share her week with Teagan, but instead she relishes the special bond that it brings, and they have such a sweet relationship, I am happy that they can share their birthday week.
So today marks three years since that little 7 lb 6 oz bundle came into our world. She is the fourth child, but the firsts in many ways-the first with a dimple and the first with her Daddy's curls and our smallest baby. Teagan changed us, changed our family and our world and all for the better. We never knew what we were missing until she came along. At three she is hysterical. She loves to laugh and is super happy and smiley-unless you get on her bad side and then she lets you know! She is so very smart, loves to learn and is creative and inventive. She loves her siblings and calls them all her "friends" and she has a really special bond with her baby brother. She is so spunky, loud and silly, amazing and fun, loving and kind. Happy Birthday my Joopy Jayne and Daddy's Tigger, we love you so very much!
Friday, June 22, 2012
Have to....
So, as many who know me in real life know, when my husband and I got married over 12 1/2 years ago, I was five months pregnant with our oldest daughter. We got married by the magistrate and my sister, brother in law and niece were there to serve as witnesses. After the ceremony, we went to breakfast and then to Babies 'R Us to register for my baby shower that was in a month or so. Then in July, few months after Haven was born, we had our "marriage celebration" in NY where we renewed our vows and had the big Long Island reception. Traditional? Not so much.
When we got married, so many people swore it wouldn't last, that we wouldn't last. If I remember correctly, a few of his friends gave us a year. We were young, already had a baby, just starting our careers and we had moved a year earlier away from friends and family. Money was tight, and we had just bought our first home a few weeks after Haven was born, so we had the stress of the upcoming move hanging over our heads too. If I had been an outsider looking in, I would have said we were doomed too.
The first few years were really, really hard. Between our wedding and our move to the house we are in now three years later, we both got laid off and needed to figure out new jobs. We added Brittan to the family. We sold our townhouse and bought this house, and we argued. A lot. We had a hard time growing up, growing together, balancing it all and building a relationship. To be truthful, it sucked a lot of the time....and then we added Grayson, because we are such good planners and all. When Gray was a year old, we separated for about 6 months. It was a hard time, not only because I was juggling three kids 5 and under and work, but because we really needed to evaluate our marriage and why we were together, and if we should be together. Ryan always came to the house on his days off, he took the kids out, played with them and gave me a break. Sometimes we did things together, like a preplanned trip to Sesame Place where we all went as a family. It was awkward and weird and felt all wrong, so when Ryan moved back home we decided that we were in it for the long haul. The reason was simple, we weren't married because of the kids, we weren't together because of obligation, we were married because we wanted to be. When we were pregnant with Haven, we never believed that we "had" to get married. I had a good job, insurance, etc. and would have figured it out alone if need be. Ryan would have been in her life, loved her and taken care of her, that was never a question. We never felt we needed to marry because of the baby, we felt we needed to get married because we loved each other.
After the separation and through today, the only reason our marriage works, that we stick through the bad times, that we stay together no matter what, is because we love each other. My husband can make me crazy at times, he is my polar opposite and thinks he is funny when he totally is not (lets see if he reads here) but he is also my best friend, my confidant, my support. We have had some many ups and downs in our marriage, both in our relationship with each other, as well as family, friends and our kid's health. There is no one who gets me like he does, who I can look at at a doctor's appointment for a kid and he knows what I am thinking, and he asks the question that would make me cry. He is an amazing dad, and an amazing husband and while we were away and busy on Father's Day, not a moment went by that I did not think that I picked the best man to be a dad to my kids, and that they are so very lucky to call him Daddy.
So, over 12 years later the answer is still easy, all you need is love :)
When we got married, so many people swore it wouldn't last, that we wouldn't last. If I remember correctly, a few of his friends gave us a year. We were young, already had a baby, just starting our careers and we had moved a year earlier away from friends and family. Money was tight, and we had just bought our first home a few weeks after Haven was born, so we had the stress of the upcoming move hanging over our heads too. If I had been an outsider looking in, I would have said we were doomed too.
The first few years were really, really hard. Between our wedding and our move to the house we are in now three years later, we both got laid off and needed to figure out new jobs. We added Brittan to the family. We sold our townhouse and bought this house, and we argued. A lot. We had a hard time growing up, growing together, balancing it all and building a relationship. To be truthful, it sucked a lot of the time....and then we added Grayson, because we are such good planners and all. When Gray was a year old, we separated for about 6 months. It was a hard time, not only because I was juggling three kids 5 and under and work, but because we really needed to evaluate our marriage and why we were together, and if we should be together. Ryan always came to the house on his days off, he took the kids out, played with them and gave me a break. Sometimes we did things together, like a preplanned trip to Sesame Place where we all went as a family. It was awkward and weird and felt all wrong, so when Ryan moved back home we decided that we were in it for the long haul. The reason was simple, we weren't married because of the kids, we weren't together because of obligation, we were married because we wanted to be. When we were pregnant with Haven, we never believed that we "had" to get married. I had a good job, insurance, etc. and would have figured it out alone if need be. Ryan would have been in her life, loved her and taken care of her, that was never a question. We never felt we needed to marry because of the baby, we felt we needed to get married because we loved each other.
After the separation and through today, the only reason our marriage works, that we stick through the bad times, that we stay together no matter what, is because we love each other. My husband can make me crazy at times, he is my polar opposite and thinks he is funny when he totally is not (lets see if he reads here) but he is also my best friend, my confidant, my support. We have had some many ups and downs in our marriage, both in our relationship with each other, as well as family, friends and our kid's health. There is no one who gets me like he does, who I can look at at a doctor's appointment for a kid and he knows what I am thinking, and he asks the question that would make me cry. He is an amazing dad, and an amazing husband and while we were away and busy on Father's Day, not a moment went by that I did not think that I picked the best man to be a dad to my kids, and that they are so very lucky to call him Daddy.
So, over 12 years later the answer is still easy, all you need is love :)
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Thankful
Today is my birthday and I turned 37 and I think I am really OK with that. I had a great day with my family, my girls made their dad take them out to get me presents and they came up with the perfect items. Haven got me a new makeup bag (she accidently broke the zipper on my old one) and Brittan got me two canvases and some brushes (she knows how much I miss painting). They also made some adorable statues out of clay, so sweet!
I received so many well wishes from friends (THANK YOU!) that always make me feel special and loved, that totally fills my heart!
Hubby surprised me with my presents yesterday, and then today we headed to the farm so I could collect the last of my surveys, I think I have a total of 11 left to get! The kids and Ryan picked some strawberries since today was the last day of the season and I stood in the sun and gathered data, not the ideal outing on my birthday, but necessary. We then went to lunch and hit a local dog adoption event since I am looking to add another dog to the family. We found a sweet, sweet five year old pug, but they required too much (home visit, references and a HUGE adoption fee) and while I think the pug would have been a perfect addition to our family, calm and sweet with a great disposition, I am not going to jump through that many hoops so we had to pass. We will find the right new family member, it just will take some time :)
After that I ran into Old Navy to grab a few quick items for the upcoming trip then we headed home and my poor exhausted husband went to bed while I took Brittan to a sleepover and fed the crew. Now the babies are tucked into bed, Haven and Gray are relaxing and the hubby is still asleep (I will wake him soon so we can have dinner) and I think I am the luckiest woman on earth.
I received so many well wishes from friends (THANK YOU!) that always make me feel special and loved, that totally fills my heart!
Hubby surprised me with my presents yesterday, and then today we headed to the farm so I could collect the last of my surveys, I think I have a total of 11 left to get! The kids and Ryan picked some strawberries since today was the last day of the season and I stood in the sun and gathered data, not the ideal outing on my birthday, but necessary. We then went to lunch and hit a local dog adoption event since I am looking to add another dog to the family. We found a sweet, sweet five year old pug, but they required too much (home visit, references and a HUGE adoption fee) and while I think the pug would have been a perfect addition to our family, calm and sweet with a great disposition, I am not going to jump through that many hoops so we had to pass. We will find the right new family member, it just will take some time :)
After that I ran into Old Navy to grab a few quick items for the upcoming trip then we headed home and my poor exhausted husband went to bed while I took Brittan to a sleepover and fed the crew. Now the babies are tucked into bed, Haven and Gray are relaxing and the hubby is still asleep (I will wake him soon so we can have dinner) and I think I am the luckiest woman on earth.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Peace
There is this weird sense of peace that comes when you find people in life who get it. People who understand your day, your fears, your off sense of humor, your lack of time for BS. It is comforting to say something that may seem offbeat or odd to someone not in your shoes, and have it not only be accepted, but also acknowledged and understood. Ah, that peace of not needing to have your guard up, your radar on, you tongue in check, it is priceless.
I am thoroughly enjoying that peace today, even while some of my children are banging pots and pans in the other room making a racket, and others are bickering and the music from my husband who is working out echoes through our very chaotic house. I know, right now, that even the noise is peace.
I am thoroughly enjoying that peace today, even while some of my children are banging pots and pans in the other room making a racket, and others are bickering and the music from my husband who is working out echoes through our very chaotic house. I know, right now, that even the noise is peace.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
This is the summer of change
Everything has felt different the last year. I have had some really big upswings and some really low down times when everything seemed impossibly overwhelming. The last few months it has been settling some for me. I am managing better. Forcing myself to sit still. Forcing myself to be alone and not working. I am starting to do more for myself and it has been so great. This is it, this is the summer when I finally start to re-emerge from my role as solely wife and mother, to a more well rounded and better balanced person.
Right now I am super excited about an upcoming trip up North. On our way back we will throw a bit of caution to the wind and wing it, something I miss terribly since having children, the impromptu roadtrip. Then when we get back we will hang around the house for three whole days and head South to get the big girls from my parent's house. Then we are essentially on summer break and the fun begins...and I have some BIG plans.
We will go to the beach. Maybe not all the way down to the ocean more than once or twice, but we will go play in lakes and rivers, often. We will head into DC at least once. We will see a concert, take in a baseball game, go camping for a night. We will see our friends, we will BBQ outside and we will have a firepit so we can have loads of smores outside in the evenings. The kids will get very dirty-and I will hose them off :) I want us to have fun this summer, and for there to be more of a balance. Fun doesn't mean running all over town or spending a load of cash, but we can try to do a super fun outing thing once a week and have friends around a few times a week and just hang as a family a few times too.
The other thing I am doing now is working hard on exercising and eating really, really healthy. It is not the easiest thing, but I am still trying. Today went well-steel cut oats and maple sugar for breakfast, some leftover curry for lunch and dinner will be lemon pepper mahi-mahi with wheatberry salad. Ryan is also working on eating better so he will be joining me in dinner and the kids are having a much more kid friendly dinner of leftover pasta.
I feel the change, it is coming from the inside out and it feels mighty good.
Right now I am super excited about an upcoming trip up North. On our way back we will throw a bit of caution to the wind and wing it, something I miss terribly since having children, the impromptu roadtrip. Then when we get back we will hang around the house for three whole days and head South to get the big girls from my parent's house. Then we are essentially on summer break and the fun begins...and I have some BIG plans.
We will go to the beach. Maybe not all the way down to the ocean more than once or twice, but we will go play in lakes and rivers, often. We will head into DC at least once. We will see a concert, take in a baseball game, go camping for a night. We will see our friends, we will BBQ outside and we will have a firepit so we can have loads of smores outside in the evenings. The kids will get very dirty-and I will hose them off :) I want us to have fun this summer, and for there to be more of a balance. Fun doesn't mean running all over town or spending a load of cash, but we can try to do a super fun outing thing once a week and have friends around a few times a week and just hang as a family a few times too.
The other thing I am doing now is working hard on exercising and eating really, really healthy. It is not the easiest thing, but I am still trying. Today went well-steel cut oats and maple sugar for breakfast, some leftover curry for lunch and dinner will be lemon pepper mahi-mahi with wheatberry salad. Ryan is also working on eating better so he will be joining me in dinner and the kids are having a much more kid friendly dinner of leftover pasta.
I feel the change, it is coming from the inside out and it feels mighty good.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Sometimes it all just works out
Today has been a good day, a really good day. Started off with an early wake up from Finn, but I somehow got him resettled and then came down to say hi to the hubs who had worked from home overnight. Made breakfast for the babies and woke up the biggies who were crabby as all get out, but awake and moving. We had plans to do a quick straighten and then head out to the Farmers Market and then down to the Farm. If you know me at all, you would know that those two places are the happiest places on Earth for me :)
As I was shuffling kids around and directing them to their morning chores, Ryan told me he was coming with us. This was a huge surprise since he has to work tonight too, and it would cut into his sleep schedule, but if you know him at all, you know that these are also his happy places :)
So after bathing babies and getting everyone together we made it out the door just after 9 am, which is a huge success. Stopped and got some cash and headed to the market to find that today was the street fair so there were a bunch of vendors and part of the road was closed off. Threw Finn in the sling, grabbed our produce bag and away we went.
I love the market. I love seeing the vendors, chatting with them and of course knowing I can get some of the best products all in one place. Today we ended up getting a bunch of produce, some more wildflower honey, my favorite goat cheese and some herbs. Haven also bought some body spray made by a local honey producer and the whole crew grabbed a snack at the Beach Fries truck!
Then we were off the farm to grab eggs, our milk order and yogurt. Then home for lunch and naps for the babies. I got caught up on work and then started dinner, chicken curry, and the house smells amazing!
Hoping the rest of the day goes as well :)
As I was shuffling kids around and directing them to their morning chores, Ryan told me he was coming with us. This was a huge surprise since he has to work tonight too, and it would cut into his sleep schedule, but if you know him at all, you know that these are also his happy places :)
So after bathing babies and getting everyone together we made it out the door just after 9 am, which is a huge success. Stopped and got some cash and headed to the market to find that today was the street fair so there were a bunch of vendors and part of the road was closed off. Threw Finn in the sling, grabbed our produce bag and away we went.
I love the market. I love seeing the vendors, chatting with them and of course knowing I can get some of the best products all in one place. Today we ended up getting a bunch of produce, some more wildflower honey, my favorite goat cheese and some herbs. Haven also bought some body spray made by a local honey producer and the whole crew grabbed a snack at the Beach Fries truck!
Then we were off the farm to grab eggs, our milk order and yogurt. Then home for lunch and naps for the babies. I got caught up on work and then started dinner, chicken curry, and the house smells amazing!
Hoping the rest of the day goes as well :)
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
See Mama run out of steam
Last weekend was a whirlwind. On Saturday I headed about 3 hrs south to see two of my closest friends from way back when. They are twins and they are both expecting their first babies one month apart and nothing would have kept me from the shower. It was so good to see the girls and to get to celebrate with their family and friends. They are two of the kindest, sweetest, brightest, happiest and most loving people I know and they will be the most amazing moms!
The next day we had a party next door to celebrate their little girl's second birthday, then Haven had her sleepover extravaganza. I am pretty sure the girls all had a great time and I got NO sleep that night so needless to say I was a bit wiped by morning. Thankfully the hubby took Grayson to the farm to get milk while the babies, the big girls and I grabbed a two hour nap. It was bliss. Then we had a fantastic supper of grilled steaks, watermelon, corn on the cob and fried onions for me....oh it was so yummy!
Yesterday we went and got my windshield replaced and while we waited the babies, Ryan and I poked around in a flooring store and a countertop/cabinet store. Since we are looking to move in the next year, I wanted to get some ideas in case we need to replace the countertops or put in new floors. My hope is that the entire house will be wood floors except the full baths. With a hoard of kids and a very hairy dog, wood floors are just easier to keep clean. We will have some rugs, but again, those can be sent out to be cleaned unlike carpet!
Today we were supposed to have Finn's therapy session but his therapists son was sick so she had to reschedule. I had a ton of work to do, so it was a home day with the babies. Dinner was easy, french toast, homemade buttermilk biscuits and sausage gravy, we are embracing our southern home more and more.
The next few weeks are still crazy with events, doctors, birthdays (ahem...mine!) and a trip up north to New England followed by a trip down south a few days later to North Carolina! I just need to make it to July so I can relax!
The next day we had a party next door to celebrate their little girl's second birthday, then Haven had her sleepover extravaganza. I am pretty sure the girls all had a great time and I got NO sleep that night so needless to say I was a bit wiped by morning. Thankfully the hubby took Grayson to the farm to get milk while the babies, the big girls and I grabbed a two hour nap. It was bliss. Then we had a fantastic supper of grilled steaks, watermelon, corn on the cob and fried onions for me....oh it was so yummy!
Yesterday we went and got my windshield replaced and while we waited the babies, Ryan and I poked around in a flooring store and a countertop/cabinet store. Since we are looking to move in the next year, I wanted to get some ideas in case we need to replace the countertops or put in new floors. My hope is that the entire house will be wood floors except the full baths. With a hoard of kids and a very hairy dog, wood floors are just easier to keep clean. We will have some rugs, but again, those can be sent out to be cleaned unlike carpet!
Today we were supposed to have Finn's therapy session but his therapists son was sick so she had to reschedule. I had a ton of work to do, so it was a home day with the babies. Dinner was easy, french toast, homemade buttermilk biscuits and sausage gravy, we are embracing our southern home more and more.
The next few weeks are still crazy with events, doctors, birthdays (ahem...mine!) and a trip up north to New England followed by a trip down south a few days later to North Carolina! I just need to make it to July so I can relax!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
How did this happen
Tomorrow my oldest girl turns twelve. Twelve! How did that happen? I cannot believe I have been a mom for 12 years, that the sweet, chunky, little baby that I had twelve years ago with the glowing yellow head and huge cheeks has grown into this tall, lanky, bright, interesting and opinionated young lady. Haven and I butt heads a lot, she and I can fight and argue and some days we struggle, but she is the first to try to cheer me up if I have a bad day, and she reacts deeply when I am hurt and she and I have a unique and special relationship that I would not trade for anything in the world. I look at her and I catch a glimpse of the young woman she is becoming, and oh, what an amazing young woman that is. She is so smart, and she can connect with people in such an honest way. She is funny and silly and impulsive. She is kind and sweet and feels things deep in her core. She is constantly singing and dancing and has no problem standing on the bus stop dancing her heart out for the world to see, I admire that. My girl, now 12 years old, the one that made me a mama is going to great things in this world, and I am so lucky to get to see her do it.
Help please and repost!!!
If I can ask again, if you have not yet done so, please go to
and fill in the survey for my doctoral research..pretty, pretty, please!
Oh and if you have a blog and can share the link, I really would appreciate it, I am so close to reaching my sample size!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Update on Finn
So here we are, almost a year to the day that we started trying to find out what was going on with Finn. The "crisis" moment happened last year on my birthday (6/9) when Finn had what looked like a seizure, but it had really started a few months earlier when we noticed he was very floppy and not growing well. The following months were scary as we learned in detail what his heart condition was and we were finally sent to Children's Hospital to see genetics. Then even more waiting as we waited almost 4 months for results and finally a diagnosis.
Well here is where our sweet, amazing, silly and fun little guy is now as he nears 18 months old. He walks beautifully and even jumps well. He loves to climb and has great muscle control given his poor muscle tone. He eats a ton and has filled in nicely which makes his skin look much less saggy and loose, and my little peanut who a year ago was not growing at all is simply HUGE. He is starting to say a few words, but is still lagging behind in speech, but we are working on it. He does communicate well, he points and grabs and lets us know his feelings. We can tell he is bright and his therapist believes his speech delays to be either due to muscle tone in his mouth or possibly some hearing issues, so we will follow up with audiology in June. We also will see genetics this summer and pulmonology as well as cardiology. Lots of appointments, but they will help us see what is going on with Finn and allow us to make choices or get help if needed before a real problem presents. His condition is one where things can go wrong with organs slowly over time. My goal is to catch it at the first sign and not wait until he is really sick. The earlier, the better.
I am so thankful to have all my children, to be blessed to have a houseful of kids and the privilege of caring for them. I am excited to see them all grow up and become the men and women they were meant to be.
Well here is where our sweet, amazing, silly and fun little guy is now as he nears 18 months old. He walks beautifully and even jumps well. He loves to climb and has great muscle control given his poor muscle tone. He eats a ton and has filled in nicely which makes his skin look much less saggy and loose, and my little peanut who a year ago was not growing at all is simply HUGE. He is starting to say a few words, but is still lagging behind in speech, but we are working on it. He does communicate well, he points and grabs and lets us know his feelings. We can tell he is bright and his therapist believes his speech delays to be either due to muscle tone in his mouth or possibly some hearing issues, so we will follow up with audiology in June. We also will see genetics this summer and pulmonology as well as cardiology. Lots of appointments, but they will help us see what is going on with Finn and allow us to make choices or get help if needed before a real problem presents. His condition is one where things can go wrong with organs slowly over time. My goal is to catch it at the first sign and not wait until he is really sick. The earlier, the better.
I am so thankful to have all my children, to be blessed to have a houseful of kids and the privilege of caring for them. I am excited to see them all grow up and become the men and women they were meant to be.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Remember when I used to cook and bake?
Yeah not so much these last few weeks and I hate it! I have been so swamped that I am throwing things together to feed the masses and not really *cooking* like I like. Now they are eating just fine, they had a homemade Lasagna I had in the freezer one night, and shrimp and rice another, and a nice chicken dinner, but nothing elaborate. Last night Haven cooked since I was on calls all afternoon and she made cinnamon rolls (from a can, ugh!), potatoes and omelets with ham, cheese and tomatoes. Not too shabby for nearing 12. I planned to make some marinated chicken and grilled veggies tonight, but there is just no time so I am ordering a pizza I think.
To be fair, I was closing out Spring classes at PT school, working FT for FT school, we are having our "virtual" faculty conference this week which equates to me spending 10 hours on the phone in addition to my usual calls and workload, plus I had to go do some data collection and still take care of the babies, the house, do laundry, etc. Yeah I am beat so pizza it is tonight. Next week I plan to do better :)
To be fair, I was closing out Spring classes at PT school, working FT for FT school, we are having our "virtual" faculty conference this week which equates to me spending 10 hours on the phone in addition to my usual calls and workload, plus I had to go do some data collection and still take care of the babies, the house, do laundry, etc. Yeah I am beat so pizza it is tonight. Next week I plan to do better :)
Monday, May 14, 2012
Mother's Day
Yesterday, as most of you know, was Mother's Day. I have a hard time doing for myself, buying for myself, etc. but the husband has found a few ways to get around that. A few years ago he came home with a gift card to one of my favorite supply stores, Sur La Table and then said we were going there. I had no choice but to use the gift card since he already bought it, and I had a blast spending the money without feeling guilty.
Yesterday we planned to take a ride to the big super fancy mall so I could finally get my apron at Anthropologie and shop some at Sur La Table. As a bonus, we booked lunch at Maggiano's...family style.
The morning started great, cards, flowers and blueberry pancakes, my favorite! Then we had a rough patch with arguing kids and an OCD flareup and meltdown. Then we got out the door and had an amazing time. Kids were so well behaved at lunch, I was one proud mama. Food was incredible and the wait staff took great care of us and watched out for Haven's allergies. We really enjoyed sitting around the table, talking, eating and sharing with one another.
I must admit that shopping was fun too. I got a new apron, new blender and a bunch of kitchen gadgets. It was so very nice.
I must admit that shopping was fun too. I got a new apron, new blender and a bunch of kitchen gadgets. It was so very nice.
Understanding limits
The week was a good one, I tried to cram in some fun but of course paid for it with a stack of work waiting for me. The transition from Spring term to Summer is always a bear, but I also have some side course design work and a summer course I am teaching that is making this even harder than usual.
The family has been sick. Haven had strep and I think Ryan may too, along with a horrific cold that has a cough that just goes on for days and congestion. Haven now has the cough, as do a few other kids, and this morning I woke up with it as well. I knew it was coming, haven't felt well the last few days, but I really don't have time for it this week!
Today I have three hours of work calls, Finn has therapy and I have a date with Grayson, plus regular work. Tomorrow I have a mere two hours of calls, plus a SEPTA meeting (I joined our local group and it has already been one of the wisest decisions I have made-so many people with so many resources!) plus of course, regular work!
Wednesday I have my coffee with Sarah (that MUST happen for sanity sake) and three or four hours of calls. Then rinse and repeat for Thursday and Friday-minus the awesome coffee date. We have our "virtual" faculty conference this week, that is why I will be glued to a phone and a webex for the better part of this week, but this too shall pass.
On to managing limits. Here is the thing, I suck at it. I am the first to throw myself under the bus, overload my plate, say yes to too much, and almost always it is stuff that I don't want to do, and then I don't have time for what I do want to do. I am happy I joined SEPTA and I want to be involved, so I will need to set limits with work. I can, on some weeks between my FT gig, PT gig and all the side work I take on, log between 70 and 100 hours of work. If you ask people around here they wouldn't see it, since most of my work is done in between changing diapers, vacuuming, making dinner, etc. I work in every spare space of time, after kids go to bed and often before they get up in the morning. It can be too much. I have to say no sometimes to the extra tasks, I need to learn that even though the extra cash would be super nice, it is not worth my sanity. I need to learn to sit still and watch a movie with my kids and husband, to enjoy some quiet time to myself, to read and be still. I am working on it, because I have to. The schedule I am on has me overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed triggers my OCD which then makes my anxiety go through the roof. I am often up at 3 am anxious and panicking over nothing and trying to talk myself back from the brink of a panic attack. All of this has led me to a place I rarely visit, depression. It is hard to watch something like OCD and anxiety that helped you manage your life, take it over. Hard to struggle every day in my own head, trading off and reorganizing every detail of my day, and knowing that I am losing out on what I want most, time with the kids and Ryan, because my head says vacuum or do laundry or work. I am going to see what I can do about this, to quiet this inside my head, to find a place where it is OK to let something go, we will see if I can manage.
The family has been sick. Haven had strep and I think Ryan may too, along with a horrific cold that has a cough that just goes on for days and congestion. Haven now has the cough, as do a few other kids, and this morning I woke up with it as well. I knew it was coming, haven't felt well the last few days, but I really don't have time for it this week!
Today I have three hours of work calls, Finn has therapy and I have a date with Grayson, plus regular work. Tomorrow I have a mere two hours of calls, plus a SEPTA meeting (I joined our local group and it has already been one of the wisest decisions I have made-so many people with so many resources!) plus of course, regular work!
Wednesday I have my coffee with Sarah (that MUST happen for sanity sake) and three or four hours of calls. Then rinse and repeat for Thursday and Friday-minus the awesome coffee date. We have our "virtual" faculty conference this week, that is why I will be glued to a phone and a webex for the better part of this week, but this too shall pass.
On to managing limits. Here is the thing, I suck at it. I am the first to throw myself under the bus, overload my plate, say yes to too much, and almost always it is stuff that I don't want to do, and then I don't have time for what I do want to do. I am happy I joined SEPTA and I want to be involved, so I will need to set limits with work. I can, on some weeks between my FT gig, PT gig and all the side work I take on, log between 70 and 100 hours of work. If you ask people around here they wouldn't see it, since most of my work is done in between changing diapers, vacuuming, making dinner, etc. I work in every spare space of time, after kids go to bed and often before they get up in the morning. It can be too much. I have to say no sometimes to the extra tasks, I need to learn that even though the extra cash would be super nice, it is not worth my sanity. I need to learn to sit still and watch a movie with my kids and husband, to enjoy some quiet time to myself, to read and be still. I am working on it, because I have to. The schedule I am on has me overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed triggers my OCD which then makes my anxiety go through the roof. I am often up at 3 am anxious and panicking over nothing and trying to talk myself back from the brink of a panic attack. All of this has led me to a place I rarely visit, depression. It is hard to watch something like OCD and anxiety that helped you manage your life, take it over. Hard to struggle every day in my own head, trading off and reorganizing every detail of my day, and knowing that I am losing out on what I want most, time with the kids and Ryan, because my head says vacuum or do laundry or work. I am going to see what I can do about this, to quiet this inside my head, to find a place where it is OK to let something go, we will see if I can manage.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
I have made it to Day 3 :)
Well, I have made it to Day 3 and I have to say, it has not been that easy. Day 1 was OK, made it through the day with ease until dinner time rolled around. By then I was getting hungry, like seriously hungry, and decided to make a tomato based juice thinking it would be heartier. I was so wrong. It was like bitter tomato water and was awful and made me want to cry, but I drank one cup since I had made it, and then rewarded myself by juicing some watermelon and drinking it over ice, that was super yummy.
Yesterday I had a good start, had a fruit juice for breakfast (apples, carrots, berries, clementines) and a good hearty green juice for lunch. By dinner, again, I was starving but Ryan was taking Gray to a cub scout thing and promised to bring me a smoothie (no yogurt, no sugar) which I was so excited about since it included the whole fruit which meant it would be more filling, so I held off on making any juice. They ran late and I was actually in tears when I though the place would be closed, but it wasn't, and I got my smoothie and it was delicious!
Today I have had my tea and I am drinking some straight watermelon juice for breakfast. I am going to have a salad for lunch (organic greens, carrots, jicama, cucumber and avocado) which I am looking forward to since I want to chew something, and with that I will have a green juice (just one cup, not two like I usually have) and then dinner tonight will be juice based again. Tomorrow will be the same routine as today.
I am happy with my progress and comfortable with adapting things as needed. For me, all juice all the time doesn't work so I am adding the salad a day early. I don't drink enough juice, only about 32 ozs max, so I feel like I need more to keep going and not crash. I also want to be able to chew food, so the addition of the salad will help. Thankfully, I have come to the point where I am adding stuff back in slowly and will only do straight juice days a few times a week moving forward.
This has been a good journey thus far. I am down about 7 lbs in the two days, but a lot is probably water weight, we will have to see. My plan is to switch to a long range eating plan, so the initial weight loss is nice, but just a bonus.
I also have not been extra crabby...big bonus for my family!
Yesterday I had a good start, had a fruit juice for breakfast (apples, carrots, berries, clementines) and a good hearty green juice for lunch. By dinner, again, I was starving but Ryan was taking Gray to a cub scout thing and promised to bring me a smoothie (no yogurt, no sugar) which I was so excited about since it included the whole fruit which meant it would be more filling, so I held off on making any juice. They ran late and I was actually in tears when I though the place would be closed, but it wasn't, and I got my smoothie and it was delicious!
Today I have had my tea and I am drinking some straight watermelon juice for breakfast. I am going to have a salad for lunch (organic greens, carrots, jicama, cucumber and avocado) which I am looking forward to since I want to chew something, and with that I will have a green juice (just one cup, not two like I usually have) and then dinner tonight will be juice based again. Tomorrow will be the same routine as today.
I am happy with my progress and comfortable with adapting things as needed. For me, all juice all the time doesn't work so I am adding the salad a day early. I don't drink enough juice, only about 32 ozs max, so I feel like I need more to keep going and not crash. I also want to be able to chew food, so the addition of the salad will help. Thankfully, I have come to the point where I am adding stuff back in slowly and will only do straight juice days a few times a week moving forward.
This has been a good journey thus far. I am down about 7 lbs in the two days, but a lot is probably water weight, we will have to see. My plan is to switch to a long range eating plan, so the initial weight loss is nice, but just a bonus.
I also have not been extra crabby...big bonus for my family!
Monday, May 7, 2012
God help my family
So I decided that once PT school was over, it was time to attack my lifestyle and make room for exercise, stress relief and better food choices. We already make a lot of good choices in what we buy, such as organic, local, hormone free, etc, but I want to go a few steps further for myself. I bought a juicer awhile back and have been experimenting since I planned to do a short juice fast before introducing all the changes. The juice fast will help reset my body, get rid of toxins and eliminate cravings that can destroy a new diet plan, so that is what I am doing. I am starting the juice fast today, that means that from today through Wednesday I will only drink juices that I make here at home with good, healthy produce. I will also have a few cups of green tea a day since it is good for balancing the body, and of course I will be drinking plenty of water. On Thursday I will introduce some solids in the form of a salad once a day, basically good greens like spinach, cucumber, jicama, avocado and a light dressing made with honey, mustard, olive oil and vinegar. I will also eat this this Friday and Saturday. Now come Sunday, which is Mother's Day, I will juice in the morning and at night, but will say screw it around midday since we are going to Maggianos :) I will try, try, try to eat responsibly, but Mother's Day and my birthday in June are the two "pass" days I gave myself, so I am going to enjoy them!
After Mother's Day, I will do the same schedule that I am doing this week, except next Sunday instead of eating at Maggianos, I will be adding fish to go alongside my salad at dinner along with a good whole grain such as barley, wheatberries or quinoa.
After the two weeks, we will see how it is going. I anticipate trying to have juice only days two days a week, juice and salad days two days a week and juice and healthy lean protein, healthy carbs and salads three days a week. Wish me luck, better yet, wish my family luck...notice there is NO coffee on that list! I will have some on Mother's Day and may allow it on two other days a week after this week, but I am not so sure yet. Hopefully I can do this for at least the next month, then I will begin to add more food days and less straight juice days to the schedule. This will be a challenge, I need to make food all day long for my family, but I think I will like how it makes me feel and I am up for the challenge.
After Mother's Day, I will do the same schedule that I am doing this week, except next Sunday instead of eating at Maggianos, I will be adding fish to go alongside my salad at dinner along with a good whole grain such as barley, wheatberries or quinoa.
After the two weeks, we will see how it is going. I anticipate trying to have juice only days two days a week, juice and salad days two days a week and juice and healthy lean protein, healthy carbs and salads three days a week. Wish me luck, better yet, wish my family luck...notice there is NO coffee on that list! I will have some on Mother's Day and may allow it on two other days a week after this week, but I am not so sure yet. Hopefully I can do this for at least the next month, then I will begin to add more food days and less straight juice days to the schedule. This will be a challenge, I need to make food all day long for my family, but I think I will like how it makes me feel and I am up for the challenge.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Hello old friend
Oh my poor blog, my neglected sixth child, my inner voice that I have had to shush the last few weeks, good to see you again!
I am thankfully looking ahead to a quieter couple of months, classes are ending at PT gig soon, FT gig slowed a bit and I will get a few glorious weeks of no PT school while the biggies still have school, I cannot wait to scrub the house!
I have been struggling with some things and they are causing me anxiety and stress that rears it's ugly head at 3 am where I sit in bed and stress only to fall asleep at 6 am just in time for the babies to wake. Some of the stress is good-we are getting an awesome refinance, and some not so good-like what to do about Finn, the research study he is enrolled in and where to find a shoulder to cry on when it is just too much to bear. Sometimes I log on Facebook and I am bombarded by all the positive and uplifting posts, videos, memes, tags, etc for a bunch of ailments that impact children and adults. I love that they are out there, that people who are finding their way through some really tough and terrible times are seeing those same posts and that it lifts their spirits. I know many people who are impacted by some of the illnesses and conditions highlighted, and I am so happy for them that they have that support, that others recognize the need to support those on that path and that there is a community.
At the same time, I wish there was a community for us. I wish there was a video that spoke to the parents of kids with the odd disorder, the unusual, the undiagnosed. That we could feel that same sense of community and understanding and support as well. It can be hard, and on a really rough day it can bring me to tears because this path we are on has no one else on it. No one. We know of 50 cases like Finn's worldwide and each case seems very different. One will say that the condition is mild and benign, and the next will discuss scary things like childhood emphysema and aneurysm. There is no "norm" and no community and no one who has gone before and can tell me what to expect. I look at my boy and he is smart and funny and physically strong...but what about the inside? Are his organs strong? His veins? How will his skin hold up? What will we do about his breathing issues, his heart, etc? I feel the love that comes from those posts, I feel what they must mean to a parent just finding their way and yet, I also feel lost and sad and very alone in this. Maybe we will find out more through the study, maybe we will help them get more information so another mama never feels so alone. I know for sure that until the day I die, if a parent contacted me and wanted to know our experience, I would be there to share, to help, and to provide whatever I could in the way of comfort, because I so wish I had that right now.
I am thankfully looking ahead to a quieter couple of months, classes are ending at PT gig soon, FT gig slowed a bit and I will get a few glorious weeks of no PT school while the biggies still have school, I cannot wait to scrub the house!
I have been struggling with some things and they are causing me anxiety and stress that rears it's ugly head at 3 am where I sit in bed and stress only to fall asleep at 6 am just in time for the babies to wake. Some of the stress is good-we are getting an awesome refinance, and some not so good-like what to do about Finn, the research study he is enrolled in and where to find a shoulder to cry on when it is just too much to bear. Sometimes I log on Facebook and I am bombarded by all the positive and uplifting posts, videos, memes, tags, etc for a bunch of ailments that impact children and adults. I love that they are out there, that people who are finding their way through some really tough and terrible times are seeing those same posts and that it lifts their spirits. I know many people who are impacted by some of the illnesses and conditions highlighted, and I am so happy for them that they have that support, that others recognize the need to support those on that path and that there is a community.
At the same time, I wish there was a community for us. I wish there was a video that spoke to the parents of kids with the odd disorder, the unusual, the undiagnosed. That we could feel that same sense of community and understanding and support as well. It can be hard, and on a really rough day it can bring me to tears because this path we are on has no one else on it. No one. We know of 50 cases like Finn's worldwide and each case seems very different. One will say that the condition is mild and benign, and the next will discuss scary things like childhood emphysema and aneurysm. There is no "norm" and no community and no one who has gone before and can tell me what to expect. I look at my boy and he is smart and funny and physically strong...but what about the inside? Are his organs strong? His veins? How will his skin hold up? What will we do about his breathing issues, his heart, etc? I feel the love that comes from those posts, I feel what they must mean to a parent just finding their way and yet, I also feel lost and sad and very alone in this. Maybe we will find out more through the study, maybe we will help them get more information so another mama never feels so alone. I know for sure that until the day I die, if a parent contacted me and wanted to know our experience, I would be there to share, to help, and to provide whatever I could in the way of comfort, because I so wish I had that right now.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Help a girl out
So I am finally gathering data for my dissertation and I am looking for people to participate in my survey.
If you are interested, please go to http://productlabelsurvey.blogspot.com/
I really appreciate you taking the time to help me gather data so I can complete this major milestone. If you can, share the link with anyone and everyone, the more the merrier!
All data collected is for academic purposes, this is not for financial gain in any way and all data will be kept confidential.
Again, please go to http://productlabelsurvey.blogspot.com/ to complete the survey and thank you!
If you are interested, please go to http://productlabelsurvey.blogspot.com/
I really appreciate you taking the time to help me gather data so I can complete this major milestone. If you can, share the link with anyone and everyone, the more the merrier!
All data collected is for academic purposes, this is not for financial gain in any way and all data will be kept confidential.
Again, please go to http://productlabelsurvey.blogspot.com/ to complete the survey and thank you!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Ch-ch-ch-changes
I do believe this has been the longest I have ever gone without posting. It was a good break, a nice chance to clear my head and think about where I am and where I want to go.
Things here have been great. Gray is doing so, so much better. It was like a switch turned and his symptoms just sort of melted away. We will still see a rheumatolgist this summer since autoimmunes can behave that way, but for now I am just happy he is feeling better.
The bathroom remodel is still underway. It is a slow process, but we are making progress and that is huge.
Work is, well, work. It can be stressful and overwhelming but I am working hard to manage that and try to keep work and home as separate as possible. This can be hard with the work being fluid and emails coming in whenever students send them, but I am trying.
I am also really working on me. The early years of parenting can be all encompassing and I threw myself into the mom role, and well, now I want to get to know myself again. I am going out with friends, working on my own health and working to do small things for myself and not feel guilty. I will say I feel a bit calmer the last few weeks, and I am hoping it gets better. Last week I bought myself a Kindle Fire, because I wanted one. I cannot remember the last time I did that, bought something just because I wanted to! I love it, I can watch movies on it, read, FB, everything. It sits on the shelf when I am on the treadmill and I can read a book while working out, and it will be helpful with the babies when we are stuck at the doctor's office or one of their siblings events. Today I am buying a juicer. I've wanted to add juicing to my life for awhile since I sometimes have a hard time eating. So today, I am getting it, and then I will start juicing once a day until PT gig is over. Then I think I will do a 5 day juice fast to get my body on track.
Things are changing, I want to be happier, healthier and I am the only one who can make that happen!
Things here have been great. Gray is doing so, so much better. It was like a switch turned and his symptoms just sort of melted away. We will still see a rheumatolgist this summer since autoimmunes can behave that way, but for now I am just happy he is feeling better.
The bathroom remodel is still underway. It is a slow process, but we are making progress and that is huge.
Work is, well, work. It can be stressful and overwhelming but I am working hard to manage that and try to keep work and home as separate as possible. This can be hard with the work being fluid and emails coming in whenever students send them, but I am trying.
I am also really working on me. The early years of parenting can be all encompassing and I threw myself into the mom role, and well, now I want to get to know myself again. I am going out with friends, working on my own health and working to do small things for myself and not feel guilty. I will say I feel a bit calmer the last few weeks, and I am hoping it gets better. Last week I bought myself a Kindle Fire, because I wanted one. I cannot remember the last time I did that, bought something just because I wanted to! I love it, I can watch movies on it, read, FB, everything. It sits on the shelf when I am on the treadmill and I can read a book while working out, and it will be helpful with the babies when we are stuck at the doctor's office or one of their siblings events. Today I am buying a juicer. I've wanted to add juicing to my life for awhile since I sometimes have a hard time eating. So today, I am getting it, and then I will start juicing once a day until PT gig is over. Then I think I will do a 5 day juice fast to get my body on track.
Things are changing, I want to be happier, healthier and I am the only one who can make that happen!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Updates and Big Plans
So, we followed up with the oncologist yesterday and all his tests came back normal. We are frustrated that he still feels badly and he is getting the hives, but so thankful that it does not seem to be something serious. He has been at school all week except yesterday and he seems to be feeling a bit better, so I think we will step back and see how he does and then follow up with the specialists the oncologist recommended.
We have had a mad week. The husband is finally working on the bathroom he began demolishing over 2 years ago. I am happy we are moving forward, but frustrated that more has not been done. It is pure torture to look at the beautiful tile and paint sitting in my room while the bathroom is still a wreck. Trying to breath and not lose my mind over the bathroom.
My kids have been wild animals lately. Our schedules are a off with me on Spring Break from PT school and the hubby off this week to work on the bathroom. After school and the evenings has been pure chaos and it is overwhelming. Dinner has been late every week, chores are not getting done and the volume and activity level is overbearing. We need to reign this is ASAP since when this happens it tends to grow and get worse unless we work to get everything back under control and on track.
In an effort to start the days off better, I am going to set my alarm for 5:30 am tomorrow, YIKES! My oldest daughter gets up early, around 5:45 since she likes the quiet and I usually get up around 6:30 with Brittan and Finn. By the time I get downstairs, the breakfast craziness is underway, some kids have already messed up my kitchen and I usually cannot even get to my coffee maker to start coffee. I am setting my alarm and setting up the timer on my coffee maker, I am getting coffee tomorrow morning before 9 am dammit!
OK, off to bed since the crack of dawn is calling my name!
We have had a mad week. The husband is finally working on the bathroom he began demolishing over 2 years ago. I am happy we are moving forward, but frustrated that more has not been done. It is pure torture to look at the beautiful tile and paint sitting in my room while the bathroom is still a wreck. Trying to breath and not lose my mind over the bathroom.
My kids have been wild animals lately. Our schedules are a off with me on Spring Break from PT school and the hubby off this week to work on the bathroom. After school and the evenings has been pure chaos and it is overwhelming. Dinner has been late every week, chores are not getting done and the volume and activity level is overbearing. We need to reign this is ASAP since when this happens it tends to grow and get worse unless we work to get everything back under control and on track.
In an effort to start the days off better, I am going to set my alarm for 5:30 am tomorrow, YIKES! My oldest daughter gets up early, around 5:45 since she likes the quiet and I usually get up around 6:30 with Brittan and Finn. By the time I get downstairs, the breakfast craziness is underway, some kids have already messed up my kitchen and I usually cannot even get to my coffee maker to start coffee. I am setting my alarm and setting up the timer on my coffee maker, I am getting coffee tomorrow morning before 9 am dammit!
OK, off to bed since the crack of dawn is calling my name!
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