So fast yet so slow

Four days.  In four short days Finn will turn one.  I can't even believe I just typed that.  One.  Where did this year go?  It seems like yesterday that I was laying in bed, hugely pregnant, playing games all night long the night before my c-section.  I remember being nervous about the surgery, after all it was my fourth c-section and it was so close to Teagan's that I was scared that something could go wrong.  I remember worrying about my doctor, this was the first birth I had without my old OB who I trusted immensely and had a fantastic relationship with, and this was going to be in a different hospital as well so I wouldn't know their procedures or how everything would work.  I was also excited.  I couldn't wait to see Finn, hold him in my arms right up next to my heart.  To see his sweet fingers and toes and finally get to see the little person who I had gotten to know through kicks and squirms.  There is something surreal about those nights before a scheduled delivery, staring at a clear cut threshold of moving from pregnant to new mom that makes the night sort of magical.

Here we sit almost a year later.  It feels like just yesterday, but it also feels like we have had Finn so much longer.  It has been tough at times.  He scared the life out of me on my birthday when he had the episode that kicked off all of the testing and examinations.  That day is etched in my mind forever, there is nothing like seeing your little baby unresponsive and so very still.  I am thankful we had a pediatrician who saw us right away and who got the ball moving.  The first stop was cardiology since we knew he had a murmur, and then blood work.  Cardiology revealed a more significant heart defect than we had suspected, the same one I have although his is in a different location on the aorta and is impacting his valve a bit.  Blood work was pretty normal which was a good sign at the time.  Then Finn decided he was over the growing thing and just stopped.  Didn't grow at all, didn't gain an ounce, didn't make any developmental gains and generally he was floppy.  We called him snake boy or rubber boy because he could bend all sorts of strange ways and he never felt solid in our arms, always more like a newborn and not like an infant of nearly 8 months.  It was frustrating since he was eating like mad and not sleeping at all and the pediatrician kept telling us to feed him more even though he easily out ate my bigger kids most days.  Genetics had come up a few times in conversations with cardiology, so we decided it was time and took him to Children's Hospital.  The team there was great and immediately saw that he had some characteristics of an elastin deficiency.  The loose skin, poor muscle tone and hypermobility being key, as well as the heart defect, potentially a hypermetabolism and a few other things keyed them in to a fairly rare disorder.  We began the testing and are still waiting for results to see if we have founded which form of the disorder he may have.  It is hard because the prognosis is unknown and the range is everything from normal to fatal.  He seems healthy, happy and aside from some delays we believe he is doing well.  He is a bit behind in some areas and seems more like a 9 month old than a 12 month old so we have begun the process of early intervention to see if we can get services for physical and/or speech therapy to help him catch up and work on some of the muscle tone issues, and once we are sure of the diagnosis we will see a pulmonalogist to ensure his lungs are doing well.  This part of the year, the medical unknowns and the process we are working through has been hard emotionally, but day in and day out, that is not our focus.

Our sweet Finn is an amazing little boy.  He is bright and determined, strong willed and happy, snuggly and sweet.  He rarely cries or fusses, is quick with a smile and engages anyone he meets.  Our family is better for having Finn.  He has captured our hearts and is loved so deeply by all six of us.  Finn is fought over by the big kids, they love to kiss on him, hold him, play with him and snuggle with our easy going boy.  Teagan is his biggest fan.  She loves him whole heartedly.  She lights up when she sees him, loves to be silly and make him laugh and says at least 10 times a day "My Finny loves me!"  She loves to hug him and help him, so much so that she stole the spoon out of his yogurt today to feed him when Ryan turned away for a moment.  I love that they have each other, I was a bit sad for her when I realized that she would not have anyone close in age, but fate knew better and just 16 months later she had a buddy and a friend.

Four days.  Again so close and so far away. I cannot wait to sing Happy Birthday for my boy and help blow out his candles.  He can have the wish, I will be taking that moment to be so very thankful.

Truly Thankful

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving with their friends and family!

We enjoyed the day at my sister's house with her family and my parents, it was a wild start and end of the day but the in between was perfect!

I am thankful for my husband who deals with my special brand of crazy and who works his rear off for our family.

I am thankful for each of the five special little souls we have been blessed to call our own.  I am thankful that we are able to be present to parent them, and that they are each their own unique little person.

I am thankful for our health and stability and that have jobs and a roof over our head.

I am thankful for friends and family who support us and hold our hands and lend an ear when we need it.

I am thankful that I do not have to worry that we have enough to eat, or that we have heat or that are safe, so many are not so fortunate.

And today I am especially thankful for Finn's continued development and growth. While he is a bit behind in some areas, others he is right one track for, because today...on Thanksgiving...my boy took his first steps! Not only did he take a step or two, he did it again and again and again and got up to SIX steps today!  So very thankful for sharing that moment with my husband, parents and sister.

I'll post the "thankful" post tomorrow

Today I am thinking...WHAT WAS I THINKING?!

It has been a crazy few days.  Ryan ended up working Monday night which totally threw off both our schedules since I teach that night too.  The Haven's EEG was cancelled for today which really was a blessing in disguise since we have been crazy busy.

Yesterday I worked and poor Ryan tried to catch a few ZZZs.  I took Gray to Cub Scouts only to find no one was there, so ran him home and grabbed Haven to hit the grocery store.  Got that stuff home and put away, kids shuffled to bed and then I sat up until 2 am working on the changes to Chapter 3 of the dissertation.  I would have made more progress if my Excel had not been going wonky, but progress was made.

The hubby let me sleep in until 9:30..woohoo.  Got up and managed another hour on the dissertation, then lunch for kids and we headed to the farm and the hubby headed to bed since he works tonight.  Farm run was rough since it was crazy windy and we drive a van the size of the Titanic so staying on the road where I wanted to be was an adventure.  Came home and whipped up a yellow cake so we can celebrate Finn's upcoming FIRST! birthday tomorrow with the family.  I, of course, decided to make a turtle shaped cake, so I have to figure out when I will assemble it tonight.  Dinner was put in the crockpot before we left, but the dial was turned from High to Low by some small person who will not admit they did it. so I am not sure what we will do for dinner!  I have sweet potatoes boiling for tomorrow and still need to make the dough for the cinnamon rolls we are bringing.  Oh did I mention I have about 2 hours more work on my dissertation!  All in all it will get done and tomorrow I will be truly thankful!

Getting in the holiday spirit

So we are gearing up for the holidays around here.  I already set out the outside decorations and just need one more thing and then we will have everything set to go the day after Thanksgiving.  I have made three kinds of Christmas cookies which are tucked inside the back deep freeze and will make at least three more kinds this weekend.  I usually make 6-9 kinds ahead and then have about 3 that I need to make the week of Christmas as they don't freeze well.  Most years we average a dozen kinds of cookies, which may seem crazy but every time I try to pare it down, someone remembers a favorite that I have to make and I hate to disappoint them. I don't mind making the cookies, while it can be a lot of work, I love the traditions we are keeping alive.  My mom always made a bunch of cookies, and I remember helping her in the kitchen and loving being a part of it all.  Now that my girls are getting older, they are helping out too and they get so happy when I call them in, assign them their task and they get to tell everyone that they helped make the yummy cookie they are eating :)

This week we have a million things going on, but the end of the week will be great with Thanksgiving at my sister's house and then a quiet Friday here at home with the family.  Then Saturday and Sunday we will rake the backyard, a HUGE undertaking, but the three big kids can help and hopefully it will all get done.

Now I need to get back to my busy day.  Babies are napping and so is the hubby who is working tonight to help out a coworker (overlapping with my teaching at PT school, THAT will be interesting!) and I still need to finish making the chicken and wild rice soup for tonight and some biscuits to go with it.  Oh and the bathroom needs cleaning, just being honest :)

Mundane

Life has been full lately.  Work calls.  Science Fairs.  Basketball practices.  All those little things that add up when you have a brood of kids, plus all the cleaning and cooking that takes place daily.  I have been appreciating the mundane, it distracts my mind and does not allow me to have extra time to Google and research the medical journals.

Still no news from genetics.  The poor receptionist was so sad when she had to tell me this week there were no results yet, I think she could hear my angst on the phone and did not want to be the bearer of bad news. I get it, it is a process, but I am still having a hard time waiting.  The funny thing is, even when we get the results, it doesn't mean we will have any more information.  I mean, we know he has this disorder, the tests may or may not tell us which form, and even if it does, there is so little information we still won't know his prognosis.  Yeah, so I am waiting and stressing for no real reason since I won't learn anything new.

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving.  The small reprieve from work Thursday followed by what I am hoping will be a quiet day Friday laying around watching movies with the kids.  Fingers crossed I can avoid a cleaning frenzy :)

Just cook

So when I am overwhelmed or stressed I cook and bake, which is funny because when I am overwhelmed and stressed I can't eat.  Basically in this situation, the family totally benefits from elaborate homemade meals and baked from scratch goodies.  Two days ago it was cranberry, white chocolate, cinnamon bread for snack and crab cakes for dinner, yesterday it was from scratch chocolate mint brownies and lemon chicken.  There is something about cooking and baking that is calming to my soul, the act of putting all these pieces together to make something delicious is very satisfying.  It speaks to the control freak I am, when I cannot control a situation, I find something I can have total control over and manipulate into what I want it to be.

Oddly enough I have not begun the holiday baking.  Usually by now I have at least four kinds of cookies tucked away inside the freezer (I make a bunch that freeze really well ahead) and have my list for the last 8 or so kinds and the schedule.  No list has even been made yet, and no plan to start baking.  Maybe I will find inspiration later this week, or maybe we will just not have a dozen kinds of cookies this year, I will have to see how everything turns out.  I have purchased about 75% of the gifts so that is a relief, but this year I am having a hard time getting ready for the holidays.  I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that Thanksgiving is only two weeks away, it just seems unreal right now.  I have become one of those people with that far away stare when they are out and about, glazed over and huddled deep inside myself, the holiday spirit may be hard to drag out this year but somehow it will happen and I am sure no one will know the internal struggle it took to achieve holiday magic.

Songs

I associate a lot of life with certain songs, as I am sure many people do.

When I think of my husband, I think of "our" song that we danced to at our wedding and many nights in our first apartment when I was expecting Haven and scared out of my wits.  That song is "Yours" by Blues Travelers.  Every time I hear it I smile, knowing that even nearly 12 years later, I know that I can put it on and he will dance with me and the world will melt away.

Each of my kids has a song that I sing them regularly, "Good Morning Starshine" from Hair for  Haven, "Where are You Going" from Godspell for Brittan, ""Sweet Baby James" by James Taylor for Gray (although I change it to say "Sweet baby Gray") and "Castle on a Cloud" from Les Miserables for Teagan (I change the name from Cosette to Teagan). But for Finn we always sang one of our repertoire, sometimes "Edelweiss" or "Your Are My Sunshine"-the extended version, but nothing ever fit as his song until now :)

Lately the song "The Story" lyrics speak to me when I think of my sweet Finn.  I have to remember that no matter what, regardless of the hurdles we face with him, he was meant to be mine and he is perfect as he is.  The song makes me cry, but in a good way, because when I hear it I know there are no mistakes in life and that I was meant to be his mama and he was meant to be my little boy, and together than means more than any diagnosis or test.

Finding the peace today with it all, it may only last the day, but I am doing what I can with what I have.

Guilt and Fault

I have been avoiding coming here, writing here, because I am afraid to say too much, share too much about how I am feeling right now.  Blogging has always been a good outlet, a place to put it all down, but I never dealt with the strength of emotions that I have right now, and I have been unsure of how to process it all.

I am terrified.  I am terrified for what is to come and what it will mean for our family.  I don't know if I can do a lifetime of waiting for the bad to happen.  I don't know if I can deal with waiting for my baby's lungs to fail, and then have to wait and hope for new lungs for him.  How do you do that?  How do you wait and hope for something that has to come at the expense of another?  How do you prepare for a future that may hold that kind of distorted hope?  I don't have patience, I need to do something, try something, fix something, but this situation I can't.  If we get the best case scenario for Finn we will still need to wait to see when his heart needs to be repaired, wait to see if he gets emphysema, wait to see if any other organs have issues or fail.  It is terrifying.  I have researched, read, reviewed every article I can on the disorder they think he has, the positive and negative of access to a university library system.  It is never good news.  The incidence of this disorder is so low that there is minimal data which means we have no idea what will happen long term.  Terrifying.

Then there is the guilt.  The guilt sneaks up on me in my long rides to and from PT school.  All that time in the car thinking about this sweet little boy of mine and what the future holds leads me straight to guilt. Why my Finny?  I cried when I found out I was pregnant with him, is that why?  Teagan was only 9 months old, I had just been told I had to rewrite part of my comp exams for my doctorate and I cried.  I was trying to find my footing as a mom of four and then five was coming.  I was scared, and worried and so cried and wished the test wasn't positive.  I was selfish and didn't want to be pregnant again so soon, lose my body for 9 more long months and then face another year of nursing.  I cried then, and now I cry for the guilt I feel for ever thinking that our lives did not need Finn, that he is not exactly what we all needed.  I think, on those long rides, was it because I was not happy he was coming?  Am I being punished for that? Am I being punished for choices I made years ago? Why my Finn, why is he going to have to deal with this if I was wrong?  He is an innocent happy baby, why is he paying for my actions?  Oh how the guilt comes in and takes over on those rides, the tears come while I am alone and no one can see and when I pull in the driveway it takes all I have to push through the door to face this life that is terrifying me right now, but I do.

Change for us is coming.  We are standing on the line right now as a family, hands held tight, one force ready to take this on.  We will change our entire universe for this boy, we will move, quit jobs, do everything we can to help him.  When that phone rings and we get results, it will be a new life for all of us, a new reality and focus.  When we find out, guilt will need to be banished so we can gather our strength as a family and fight for our boy.

I lied

OK, I meant to post more but I really have been busy...sorry to the one person who checks in here :)

So anyway, kids had a great Halloween.  I wasn't home since I teach that night but they looked super cute and they came home with a load of candy, so I call that a success.

I am almost 2/3 of the way through my Christmas shopping for the Fab Five.  I cannot express how happy that makes me.  Having all of the "stuff" tucked away early allows me to actually enjoy the holiday season, so by the end of this month I want each and every item off my list.

We are still waiting for Finn's test results and I am all out of patience.  It has been 7 weeks today and I just want to know what the findings are.  We talked to the genetics counselor and she told us to be prepared for more testing after this round, so we may have more waiting in our future.  Of course, being proactively crazy, I used these last 7 weeks to obsessively research the conditions they are testing for.  The hard part is that the best case scenario is his current heart condition and eventual surgery, his low muscle tone (which will mean various therapies in the future) and a high likelihood of his lungs being impacted and him suffering early emphysema.  This is the good outcome, so you can only guess what the worst case scenario is.  I am focusing on the here and now.  Now he is a smily, happy, easy going baby.  Now he is meeting most milestones on time or only slightly behind.  Now he lights up when any of us walk in the room.  Now he seems healthy and he is growing well.  Now is what matters.  However....should his results come back less than desirable I plan to sell our house ASAP for whatever we can get and move to the country where we can totally focus on family and not have our crazy work schedules.  Just saying, I have one foot out the door because I will not waste one more second on the trivial should something really be wrong.

OK, that is all I can spew today, off to play with my littles!

Just the beginning

Oh how I love Fall.  There is something about the shorter days, the crisp air and all those pumpkins and apples that make me swoon.  When Fall begins to really hit here in Virginia, like it has this week, it makes me almost giddy.  Even though we had a long week full of sick people and no sleep, the air has gotten brisk and I can feel it coming...my one true love, winter.

Fall is great because it reminds me of growing up back in NY.  The smells, the rituals of the holidays and the simpleness of it all makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Fall then gives way to Winter which is my favorite time of the year, hunkered down in a house with a roaring fire, baking bread and my favorite people...throw in snow for a super bonus!

We have begun welcoming Fall this weekend.  Today the kids and I did a big clean then we broke out the Halloween decorations and even went out to pick up some extra decorations.  Teagan is that great age where she is super into the holidays, so we went a bit overboard decorating the inside of the house, but she is beyond thrilled screaming "My Hallo-eeeney" when she sees everything.  I also made the kids cookies and let them frost them with orange icing and decorate with Halloween sprinkles...they had a blast.  I have been baking more this week and today made a batch of dough that we will use to make pizza pockets for dinner.  Tomorrow will be our first real Fall feast with roast chicken, stuffing and acorn squash for dinner and then apple turnovers with pumpkin ice cream for dessert.

Bring it on, the crunchy leaves, the cool air, bring me Fall so we can get to Winter!

Wow

I never thought I would fall off the daily blogging wagon, but it has happened.  It is not for lack of things to say, we have plenty going on here, but more that I have taken to keeping a lot very close to myself and not allowing many people in.  Right now is hard for me.  Right now we are waiting for Finn's genetics results and I am working through a lot of fear and guilt.  Right now I am still reeling from the cardiologist visit a few weeks ago and my fears that we are approaching surgery way sooner than I had ever imagined for Finn.  Right now, a lot is going on in my head, and it is just too much to put out in a post, and the stuff that is more bloggable  (is that a word?) seems minute compared to what I am running through in my mind.

We did have an exciting week last week...we were in DISNEY!  I must say a week at Disney with the fab five was a welcome, but exhausting, change of pace.  The littles were awesome, they seemed to have a great time and took nice naps in strollers and on rides.  I am so thankful those two are easily adaptable.  The big kids had a great time too, and the best part was my parents came down with us and helped up with dinners, kid sitting and park fun.  It was such a good trip that Ryan and I finally broke down and bought a timeshare.  Travelling with the kids is tough unless we have at least a two bedroom suite, and timeshares are the best choice overall, so this was a smart move for us.  I am hoping to use the timeshare for one of our summer trips this year and I am looking at renting a beach house in the Outer Banks for our crew for summer as well.  The beach trips are the best, super relaxing, no running around, just hanging at the beach and sound during the day and sitting on the deck at night.

Anyway, that is where we have been.  I will try to update more often and will post a story on my sprained ankle at Disney soon...anyone that knows me in real life knows how embarrassing that was for me!

Finn-tastic

Yesterday Ryan and I needed to bring the two youngest to the cardiologist for checkups.  Teagan had a pulmonary valve that wasn't working perfectly when she was born, but the doctors believed she would out grow it by two.  Her doc could still hear the murmur so we had to go check things out and thankfully she was given a clear bill of health and we were told that the sound persists, but the valve is working perfectly! I was so relieved as out of the five kids, four have had to see the cardiologist and now all the girls are cleared.

For Finn we are monitoring a more significant defect.  We are thrilled the little guy has grown even more, pushing 20 lbs at long last!  We told the cardio that he was being tested for elastin deficiencies related to his heart defect and cutis laxa which impacts multiple organs in the body including the skin, heart, lungs and gastrointestinal system.  She examined him and noted the same things the geneticist saw, his skin texture, his hypermobility and low muscle tone.  The form of cutis laxa they believe he has is very rare, and seeing it combined with his heart issue which we believe to be genetic is even more unusual.  I am glad we are getting the testing done so we now what might be coming down the path, sadly elastin is in almost all our organs and when multiple organs are impacted, we need to be vigilant in our care for him,  and proactive in his health.

Sadly when they did his echocardiogram we did not get the same good news that we did with Teagan's.  They measure the severity of his narrowing in his aorta using a gradient which correlates to pressure.  There are different levels of SVAS and while his is still in the mild range, his gradient as a whole increased 5 full points in less than 4 months.  With the rapid growth babies go through, we are anticipating this happening again and we may be looking at stepping up into the moderate range of his blockage when he goes back in February.  As I have the same heart condition, I know the importance of the gradient and had hoped his had remained stable, seeing such a big jump in such a short time frame worries me.  While I knew that surgery is more of a when and not an if, I really hoped he would be more like me and get to wait until he was well into adulthood to face the surgery, but it is not looking as promising.  The good part is he is still considered mild and there is the possibility that we will not see a change in February, but I believe we may be facing surgery before his tenth birthday and possibly even sooner than that if the gradient continues to rise or further impedes his valve from opening and closing properly.

The surgery he would need is pretty invasive.  It is open heart surgery and has all the complications and healing issues associated with that type of surgical intervention.  The surgery works well and is performed enough that I am confident he will be fine once it happens, but it just stinks knowing it is coming.  Add to that his other concerns, one of which is if the cutis laxa will impact healing for him, or if it will affect his lungs in any way (emphysema is common in kids) makes me a little scared, but we are focusing on the positive and will handle the rest when it comes at us.

Developmentally Finn is on track.  He pulls up on everything and cruises the furniture.  He self feeds, he plays well, he is reactive and silly, so the rest is secondary.  I wish I could express the joy he brings us every day, he has a huge smile with big squishy cheeks, he laughs and hugs and loves to be played with.  He is my snuggly baby, happy in my arms at any time and he finally, finally, FINALLY is sleeping a bit better!

This week on Raising the Tribe

I have never been at a loss of stuff to blog, but lately time and appropriate, ie non-whiny blog fodder has been lacking.

So...here is what we have been up to.

Dad seems to be feeling better today which is a big relief, I am hoping this is a new trend because he is never ever sick and we were getting worried that the surgery caused more damage.

I took Finn for his blood test Friday.  He was less than cooperative.  We now get to wait 6-8 weeks for the results which we expect to confirm his diagnosis.  Then we wait to see how the disorder affects his body.  Oh and both babies have check ups at the cardiologist Monday, we know how to party around here.

Work has been busy, but they are finally giving us real vacation time which equates to five weeks off a year for me.  That is crazy since I am used to working on every vacation we go on, one of the many "joys" of working from home.  Needless to say, we leave in a few weeks for a trip to see a cute mouse and I will not be working for the first time in SIX years of family vacations.  I am already looking at what we can do next spring and summer, it is liberating!

Kids are all doing well, so well in fact that they are loud and crazed most of the time they are home which is making the mama have to work really hard to find the good parts of the day.  I know it is a phase, but they seriously need to stop fighting and being loud or I am moving into the shed out back.

We are again exploring places to live.  We like the idea of staying here for the kids, but to maintain the lifestyle we enjoy, and to keep five kids in clothes, food, activities and the general good life they enjoy, it means I would have to keep working as much as I am now.  I really would like to find somewhere cheaper to live, so we are trying to see if there is anywhere that will work that will make me, the kids and Ryan happy.  Still waiting to see what happens at his job, he says it is very quiet which may mean they are getting closed down soon which will give us more choices in where we go.

So that is it in a nutshell.  I have a wicked headache today and need to go out later to get an orange shirt for Grayson and make campaign posters for Haven who is running for a school officier position, and it is gloomy as heck.  I am dealing with the dinner issue by throwing a pork roast in the crockpot to make my favorite gloomy day pulled pork, and hopefully I can get motivated to make biscuits.  Happy Sunday.

Getting old sucks

Ugh.  That is what I have to say.  My dad had his surgery Friday and is home but still not feeling great so they are trying to see what might be going on.  We also got the paperwork for Finn's blood test from the geneticist.  Boy am I glad that they included all the information on what they are testing them for, nothing like having every possible complication laid out in black and white to make you feel at ease.  Scheduled the blood test for after playgroup this week, and then we wait at least 6 weeks for results to confirm the diagnosis. Sometimes being a grownup sucks.

Apple of my eye

I slept last night.  I slept a lot.  All the stress of stuff with my Dad, Finn, work crap, school stuff....all of it faded away last night when I went to bed at 8:30.  Yes I had to feed Finn through the night, but holy cow, sleeping from 8:30 until 7 was pure bliss even with the four or five wake up calls from the little man!

Today I woke a different person than I have been for the last few months.  I felt pretty good, calmer, happier, easier and it was nice.  We managed to get it together for the whole family to walk out the door with everything we needed and a lunch packed and hit the road to Apple Country up in the Northwest corner of the state.  We headed to our favorite apple farm, Marker Miller Orchards, for some family apple picking.  This awesome little farm is located a few minutes from my sister's house, and while we didn't plan for it, they were able to stop by the farm for a quick visit before heading off for my nephew's karate class.  My crew had a great time, we picked about 60 lbs of apples which is half of what we normally get, but I was nervous about getting too much since we are leaving on a trip in a few weeks.  Kids played on the playground, we got a load of apples and we had a really nice day out.

Got home, fed the kiddos and prepped for school tomorrow and then Ryan and I broke out the apple peeler/slicer/corer and got to work on the first batch of applesauce, which is cooked and waiting to be canned tomorrow.  This year we will can applesauce and sliced apples in syrup, and we will also dry a bunch of apple slices that we use in granola bars and oatmeal all winter.  Looking back now, I am thinking we should have grabbed another 20 lbs...time will tell if we make the 3 hour round trip drive  again next weekend :)

Today was not my BFF

I have thought for awhile about posting what it is like to have a larger than average family, you know, the extra cooking, cleaning and laundering, but today I am just not up to it.  It has been a long and tiring day full of meetings, work, little ones, cooking, fighting to get my picky eater to eat, dishes, homework and phone calls.  Finally heard back from Children's Hospital regarding the genetic testing, insurance denied me getting the test but approved Finn so we need to go in for the blood work and then sit tight for 6-8 weeks for results, no sweat right?  Hubby talked to his mom who is a mess and ended up incredibly stressed after the call since she is falling apart and there is nothing we can do at this point to help and not much we will be able to do once everything completely explodes.  Then we topped off the evening with a call from my mom telling me my father's stress test went poorly and he needs to have a catheterization Friday to see what is going on...swell.

Welcome to September!

It has been almost two weeks since I have blogged, that may be a new record!

We have been busy getting the school year underway.  Haven is loving Middle School and has adjusted well.  She is making new friends and is liking the freedom that comes with being a bit older.  I am hoping this is a great year for her full of new experiences, friends, learning and fun.

Brittan and Gray are settling back into school too.  Grayson loves his teacher and is enjoying first grade and Brittan is off and running in fourth.  I expect they will both have great years as well.

I am liking my schedule at PT school.  I was worried about having to be on campus three days a week, but I really like teaching the senior level class and I enjoy leaving after the kids have gone to school and getting home before them, it makes for a less chaotic day for everyone.  The babies are doing well with the schedule too and I feel like I have more time to work and get chores done now, I even have the babies in a playgroup on Friday and they had a lot of fun last week.

Lately I have been working on preparing for Christmas.  I know it is only September, but with five kids and busy schedules, I need to plan ahead.  Shopping is underway and I think the babies will be done by the end of the month.  The big kids are always more of a challenge, so I will start on them after our trip to Disney in October.  I am also thinking of hosting a Christmas Open House here this year, just a get together of friends with yummy cookies and treats and company, sounds like it could be fun :)

Of course I cannot let today go by without mentioning the anniversary of September 11th.  I, like most of us, remember all too clearly the horror of that day and the great sense of sadness and fear we all felt.  Of course in the days that followed we also learned of the bravery of so many, both those in uniform and those regular citizens, and I hold onto that as I explain the significance of today to my older children.  I do not want them to be afraid, but want them to understand why this day is so important and how it impacted all Americans and people around the world. In my care are four children who were not born on that day 10 years ago and one who was just a year old at the time, so to them it is just a day we talk about, but I hope that as they grow and they learn more, they walk away understanding that violence is never the answer and that bravery comes in so many forms and actions.  I am thankful today for those that strove to save others through their choices, I think of the many families for who today brings them great sadness and loss and I hope that we never see something so horrible again in any of our lifetimes.

Quick Updates

Tonight was my first night back at PT school and I am tired.  Bonus is that I get to go again tomorrow...and Thursday.

So here is a quickie update:
1.  Earthquake aftershocks suck, but have slowed and are barely noticeable anymore.
2. Hurricane Irene came and went.  Kids and I left town and headed to my sister's as a just in case, but somehow our area did not lose power or have damage. Ryan says the big bands that caused issues in Richmond slid around our town and missed us :)
3. Back to school craziness begins this week, I am back at PT school and we have MS orientation Wednesday and meet the teacher at the elementary school Thursday.  Busy busy.
4.  I do believe Finny has grown a bit, an outfit I put on him today seemed a bit short.  Mind you it is a one piece green striped Mini Boden outfit I got him for around Christmas last year, you know when he was three weeks old.  It WAS a bit big on him then, but he really is a peanut and hasn't grown since March or so.  *sigh*

That's it, let the craziness begin!

Rollercoaster

Things here have been crazy and busy and emotionally filled with big time highs and just as big lows the last two weeks.

Finn-Saw genetics, posted about it, basically we are riding this one out and waiting to see what happens when the testing is done.  I am crazy worried about his cardiology appointment next month, for some reason I feel like things have changed, but that could be my paranoia.  He has started babbling more and he is still a big, doughy, ball of sunshine.

Gray-He turned 7 last Saturday and his day was negatively impacted by my stupid Father in law.  I won't write much on it since I don't want to upset my husband, but this man is the most selfish person I have ever met in my life and I am tired of him choosing anything and everything over his son and grandchildren, one of which he has yet to meet.  He totally screwed up our plans, but we fixed them as best we could on Gray's actual birthday and then had a great day Sunday, we bowled with his friend's family, went to Cold Stone Creamery and then scoped out some land we were interested in.

Earthquake. We felt it, it was super weird and it was located only about 50 miles from our home.  Being that we are used to crazy explosions, low flying military aircraft and the occasional sounds of machine gun fire in the distance thanks to a local military base, it is saying a lot that this threw us.  Thankfully there was no damage and aside from the aftershocks that are a touch off putting, the earthquake is behind us.

The hurricane.  We are waiting to see what tomorrow brings, but it appears we are in the line of fire here.  Being that we have a very wooded lot with old mature trees that sit on a hill behind our house, we are planning to leave and stay at my sister's house on the west side of the state.  While I am not afraid of a hurricane, I am worried about damage from tree branches and would rather not have my kids be scared for 12-24 hours if there is no need.  I am hoping the house survives with no damage, but this is a crazy storm and we will have to see where it hits and what happens.

So it was a good week of celebrating our son and seeing friends, a rough week of dealing with stupid family and weird weather.  Guessing I will check back in once we meet up with Irene.

Our Grayson is SEVEN!

I cannot believe it, but today our third child and first born son turns SEVEN! Where has the time gone?  Grayson is such a sweet kid, he loves to love on the babies and was so excited when he found out that baby #5 was going to be the brother he had longed for.  He is a funny kid, loves to recite commercials to us and still enjoys being the "baby" of the big kids.

Grayson is a smart kiddo, he did awesome in kindergarten this year and he is excited for first grade to start in a few weeks.  He has recently become a burgeoning video game addict and he loves to play Lego Star Wars and as of today, Lego Harry Potter.  Thankfully he is good about limiting the Wii time and he also really loves his collection of lego sets and can spend hours in his room building and creating.

I could not imagine a day without Gray, he is such an amazing kid!