Happy Halloween

from our happy brood.

This little piggy

The great swine flu of 2009 is still underway here at the Kelley household.

Here are the stats as they stand today:

Mom/Me-disgusting cough, but finally feeling less like I have been run over by a train, no fever since Tuesday.

Haven-All Tamiflu-ed, still coughing, but bouncing around, annoying her siblings and rolling her eyes...basically back to normal.

Brittan-had a fever for one night, coughed a few times, decided she was done with that and went back to school the next day. She just likes to make the rest of us look weak.

Grayson-got super excited about his Halloween party today, especially since it is his first week of preschool(his wise mother kept him out until now for fear of swine flu...seriously) and he missed the party last year due to a stomach bug. At 3 am he woke up, spiked a fever and vomited. Poor kid had to miss the party again and he is feeling pretty bad today.

Teagan-has had a low fever on and off for a week and a small cough. We are hoping she somehow escapes this.

Dad/Ryan-so far, so swineless.

Hopefully the big kids will feel well enough to enjoy Halloween tomorrow and if Gray's fever breaks, we will all be heading to the Fall Festival. I am so over this illness, it can move on now.

It will be SPOOKTACULAR

I am excited for Halloween this Saturday, and usually I am not a fan of the day. Being it is on a Saturday is a good start. In the morning we are attending the kid's Fall Festival at school and they are super excited. Then we will come home, carve pumpkins and I will prepare our spooky dinner. This year the kids have requested witches fingers (scraggly chicken tenders), mummy dogs (hot dogs wrapped in puff pastry), frog guts (round pasta with peas and a creamy sauce)and carrot eyeballs (slices of carrot topped with herbed cheese and an olive slice). Then Ryan will take the three big kids out trick or treating while I man the door with the baby. Once they are home we sort the candy and trade out anything Haven is allergic too, then they will have dessert (alien cupcakes) and we will watch a Halloween movie. Then bed. It should be a fun night!

Oh swine flu

how we hate thee....

You have been teasing and tormenting us for weeks. First my big girls and pneumonia for Haven...and prednisone, the crazy-making drug.

Now Teagan...her little tushie red from the many poopy diapers, her screaming from 9 pm-2 am probably from a sore throat made worse by her screams. Me, with the sore throat and now terrible chesty cough. Grayson...runny nose and bad attitude that drown out my normally sweet and kind boy.

Swine flu, you have hit us all and made us sick, but we will prevail....we now have natural immunity and don't need shots :)

This is the life I have chosen

and I couldn't be happier.

Nine poopy diapers due to swine flu, and I wouldn't trade it.

Arguing children, they fill the silence with silly disputes.

A house that is never quite clean enough or organized enough or finished being fixed and updated, but where my children will spend their childhood. A home where we have brought babies home, shared birthdays, holidays, disagreements and resolutions.

This life that I have chosen, while unconventional to many, is what is right. I love my house full of craziness and noise. I welcome the chubby baby thighs, loose teeth, first plays and new experiences. I also welcome my career and education, which many would not have tried to take on while filling their home with little feet and loud voices.

Some days it is hard to see through the moment, to see past the dishes that need to be done, the laundry folded, the baths given and the diapers changed. It can be hard to see that in five years, this life that I have chosen will be so different when it is shared with a 14 year old, a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a 5 year old, if no more join unexpectedly, and then I will miss the days when they were all so small.

This is the life I have chosen, and while it is not for everyone, it is the best life for me.

Busy Busy Watch me go!

Wow, long time no blog. I actually have a draft saved, but decided that I didn't want to finish it and started new.

The week was a long and interesting one. Got lots done around the house including laundry and cleaning and work. Made yummy food for the family, they seemed happy with the meals overall. Planned and executed family fun night Friday, complete with preservative laden appetizers for dinner (and a salad on the side), homemade blue cheese dressing and caramel apples for dessert made the old fashioned way with the pot of molten caramel. The kids were extra happy that they got to consume all these goodies in front of a movie in the family room...good times for all.

The bad part of the week is that the flu ran through here again. Just as shots became available, although in limited numbers, the second half of the family got sick including myself, Grayson and Teagan. Grayson had a very mild case, low fever and some coughing and a runny nose. Teagan had a fever, cough, some extra spitting up, some fun baby choking episodes and she was extra fussy. I ended with a fever and a sore throat and general exhaustion. Seems the worst of it is over and all in all, out of the six of us, only Haven was hard hit when she had the pneumonia (we believe it was H1N1 even with the negative test).

In other news, I am really working hard to let things go, to get through tough days or tough times with a different approach. To try to find a new way to look at things, and to see the good things through the bad.

Can someone dig me out?

Overwhelmed. That is how I would describe how I am feeling. My days have been really hectic and finding time to focus on one task for any length of time is near impossible. I know it is a phase, and that it all will get done, but I really need a day of doing nothing but hanging out on the couch under a blanket.

Snuggles and cuddles

We have had an early taste of winter this week forcing us to turn on the heat and bundle up. My husband and I are huge fans of winter, the fires in the fireplace, the dark evenings, the warm blankets and snuggles are comfort and home for us. I was probably one of the few folks who enjoyed the gray skies this week and the crisp air, but winter evokes this homey feeling for me and makes me want to hunker down with those I love.

The downside to this early taste is my sweet Teagan did not have many warm clothes. For around the house we had some things for her including sleepers and leggings and the like, but to go out in we needed some warmer items. I purchased her some winter wear before she was born assuming she would be similar in size as my other children, but she has turned out to be quite the little peanut. At 3 months old, she is just barely into size 3-6 months clothing, much of which are still too large. I had purchased mostly 6-9 month winter wear assuming it wouldn't be needed until November and that she would be long like the other kiddos....now I would guess she will wear that size in January or February. Needless to say, the little girl needed some clothes so I went and grabbed her a few things the last few days including a new fleece snowsuit. We are planning to pick apples tomorrow, and pumpkin picking is on the horizon, so she needed something to be snuggled up in, and the snowsuit is a necessary evil.

Now Teagan is ready to be snuggled, the firewood is waiting outside and the winter blankets are washed and waiting on the couch. Bring on the cold, we are all ready to snuggle.

Perspective

As much as I complain about my house and how much I want to move, sometimes it just takes some perspective to see things differently. Usually I only see what we need to do, what we don't have and the things I don't like. Today, while walking around the house holding Teagan, I tried to see the other side of things.

We are lucky to have a large home that is comfortable, in a nice neighborhood, in a good school district. The house has plenty of room for our brood and we have a nice lot, just under an acre and the front looks a bit like a park. We have so very much that I often forget to see. Would I like a different kitchen...YES. Bathroom..YES. Flat backyard...HELL YES! But we do have room to spread out and enjoy our life as a family, and should we decide to stay here long term, we also have options to expand and upgrade the house. Today we talked about the option to take off the garage and build a new one with a new master bedroom above it. This would create a huge space for Ryan and I (our garage is a 2 1/2 car garage) including office space and a new master bath. If we added a hallway through the old master bedroom, the resulting room would be a great room for the older two girls and they would have their own bathroom to share, and Gray and Teagan would have their own rooms with a bathroom to share, plus a guest room. See.....options come from a change in perspective.

Poor neglected blog

We have just been so busy, and what we have been doing is mundane, that I haven't really been blogging much.

Today the girls had a half day, and somehow I managed to get the husband moving early enough for he, Grayson, Teagan and I to head out to run errands. First stop was the dreaded W-Mart. We had to pick up Haven's meds, they were the only shop in town that had it in stock, so off we went. They were having trouble with our insurance, seems there was an error in the system, but I must say that the woman working in the pharmacy was wonderful and patient and got everything resolved for me. We also scored a few deals for the baby. I have been searching for a decent hooded sweater or sweatshirt for her but have only been able to find crazy striped or colored ones in Teagan's size. It was getting desperate since it will be very cold here next week, and the little one needs something warm, and as a last resort I headed back to the baby section. They had two sweatshirts for her, both with hoods and while they aren't may favorite style, they are simple and clean looking, and will work to keep her warm. Best part...they were 3 bucks each!

After that store, we then headed to our favorite store on earth...Wegman's. Ryan and I walked in, grabbed a tea and coffee and treated the little boy to a gelato. We then had a great time getting everything we needed and even ran into the Fallon's while there. We love Wegman's not only for the clean environment and huge amount of choices, but also because we walked out of there with a cart full of food for 60 bucks. When you have a family of six, that is a dream come true.

Tonight we are all relaxing. Dinner is BBQ Beef sandwiches taht slow cooked all day and homemade coleslaw. The girls and I made a banana cream pie for dessert and I already did all my work for the day. Looking forward to family snuggles and fun.

It is a losing battle

I have this idea of what I want my house to look like, the order it should be in, and the general feeling of everything having a place. What I have had to come to accept is that in a house with five other people, it just won't ever be what I want or what I have in my head. I try, trust me, to get everything just perfect, but it just never lasts. I can clean all day and night, and it is undone in a matter of minutes because we live here and someone is always home. For example, I like a neat and clean kitchen, and that is one area I am rarely willing to waiver on since I do the cooking in there. With the dishwasher out of commission, I have had to give over some of my limited counter space to the dish drain, but somehow we have made it work. The living room is another area I try to keep as neat and clean as possible, since it is the room I escape to when I need a break, but right now the stroller is in there and there is some clutter in the corner that needs to be addressed, but I never have the time to attack it. Just keeping up with general upkeep, vacuuming 12 times a day due to dog hair, kids, leaves, etc. Dishes. Laundry. Picking up whatever is strewn about. Bathrooms which go from spotless to trashed with one kid's visit. The bigger tasks, the mud room that needs reorganizing, the garage, the room under the stairs, the front hall closet and my closet, always get tossed to the side. Once I get a chance to do one of these and move on, the first is trashed again. Alas, it is a losing battle, so instead of making myself crazy, I just keep trying, and cleaning, and putting away in the vicious cycle knowing it will never all be done, but that the mess is worth it.

Blessings

It has been a rough year thus far, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I believe that all of the hard times we faced will be well worth it. This year has taught me not to take anything for granted, and that the health of my family is the most important thing. I have learned that while I will always stress over little, petty things, it will be okay in the end, and I need to let some of it go and just enjoy the good things. I found that I am so very blessed to have four children and a loving husband. Our marriage, while imperfect, is strong and I have leaned on Ryan more this year than ever before and found that he is always there to hold me up.

This year, while incredibly difficult at times, has taught me patience and joy in the small things in life. I only need to look at the faces of my children to see that patience is the key to our success, when I have it, everything seems easier. As we head into the holidays, I am excited to share our traditions with Teagan and to see how she impacts our family. I am constantly looking to see the positives in my relationship with Haven and to find better ways to deal with her "issues" and to simply enjoy who she is and what she brings to our lives. I want to take more time with Brittan, to see the person she is becoming and celebrate it, and Grayson is a constant joy in my life with the unique perspective that a boy brings to the mix. I am a lucky mama, and I need to let the stress go more, and be thankful for what I have right here snuggled up at home.

On the mend

Whew, it was a long week having Haven home sick and all medicated and crazy! I took her to the doctor for a lung check on Friday and she was still wheezing, so it will be a month of treatments for her to keep her lungs clear. Seems what no one mentioned was that she had viral pneumonia....ah well that explains it.

So far, Britt seems OK, just a lingering cough. Gray is a little under the weather, but also just a little cough. Teagan has a runny nose and is crabby and sneezy, but no fever or real cough so we are hopeful she escaped unscathed.

My classes took an exam last week, and this week they are off so I am going to enjoy hanging close to home and trying to get some things accomplished. I also have new classes starting at FT school, so that will keep me busy, and I have a class starting the end of this month which means lots of paper writing again. On the positive, I found out that I am able to write two classes and that means some much wanted and needed extra cash coming in. It will be nice to have a padded bank account and for Christmas to be fun and not stressful this year. I even have a plan to try to get a trip for the kids for Christmas, we are looking at one of the resorts with an indoor water park :)

The BEST part about having some extra cash is that we can book our beach vacation with the Fallons! I cannot wait until we are sitting on the beach next summer, by far it is one of my favorite things and I love getting away and enjoying time with family and friends. I am also looking to see if my parents can secure us a week in Hilton Head too, and for that trip it will probably only be the moms and kids which could be an adventure! Two moms and seven kids 10 and under, it could go either way, but I am guessing it will be crazy, loud, silly and most of all FUN!

Illnesses suck

Oh my, I am losing my mind. Haven is on a number of meds for her asthma, including two steroids, and therefore I haven't been giving her her ADD meds since I was concerned that all the medications would be too much on her system. She needs to take her anti-seizure meds, plus Tylenol or Motrin for her illness, Prednisone (oral steroid), Xoponex and Pulmicort (inhaled steroid), so adding in another drug this week just seemed mean. This unfortunate side effect is that steroids make you crazy, and without the self control her ADD meds give her, it is like living in the looney bin. Truly I fear I am losing my mind with the randomness and craziness that abounds. Argh.

Never a dull moment

Last week Brittan was home sick on Wednesday. No big deal, sore throat, slight cough, no fever. I watched her the one day and she was back in action on Thursday. Friday Haven was home with the same symptoms. Friday night she woke up and needed a breathing treatment, then another on Saturday, and then she spiked a fever...uh oh. Ryan took her to the ER since she is high risk for complications if she were to contract the flu. Thankfully, the flu test was negative, but poor Haven has a severe lower respiratory infection and her asthma was flaring up badly. When she got there, her oxygen levels were in the 80's, under 95 is bad, so 80's is really, really, bad. They gave her breathing treatments, sent her home with oral steroids and an order to rest. She will be home most of the week being that her immune system is compromised and the flu is going around, it would be devastating if she were to get it now.

So I have three of the four kids home. Ryan will need to work some extra hours today to help out the folks who covered for him Saturday when he missed work, and I am guessing we will have a long, long day. The good part is that I have very little going on beyond housework. My PT school is taking an exam, so I have no prep, and FT school is between classes so I just have some administrative stuff to do. I am hoping to get a little decluttering done today, some laundry and even get the diapers washed and out to dry.

Sometimes you need a rainy day

We are having one of those rainy, dreary, cool Saturdays and I am thoroughly enjoying it. The cool weather is such a nice change, and I am hoping it helps kill off the ants that we have been battling. We have had an issue with those little tiny sweet ants this year, usually they show up in Spring, I clean the heck out of wherever they are, and they are gone within a day or two. In the past when they would persist, we would use the Terro liquid ant baits and they would be gone for sure, but we couldn't find them locally this year and we were using other types of baits. Yeah, well they don't work.

Today I broke down and called an exterminator. I scheduled him for a few weeks from now and then promptly ordered the Terro baits online. I want to see if they will do the job and save me a hundred bucks! I am hopeful that they have been the secret to our success in the past since they had 50 five star reviews out of 53 total reviews! If not, the bug guy will be here soon enough to spray poison all over our nice organic world....a drastic step which shows we are desperate:(

Through the fog

Wow, what a difference a few days make. The anxiety was still pretty bad last night when driving to work, but once I was headed home, it seemed much better. It was better still this morning and I am hoping it will keep improving. The big test will be driving to work tomorrow since driving has become a huge trigger for me. This makes me sad since I have always loved to drive, long trips, country rides, the scenic route, I was always happy to take the wheel, and now it is a struggle to drive even here in town. Sigh.

We are also attacking some key areas of the house and I am SO excited! Ryan is working on some clutter in our room, and in a bit I am going to fold Gray and Teagan's clothes and put them away. The girls and Gray will need to clean their rooms today and I will run a vacuum upstairs to finish getting the job done. The other big task is the master bathroom. I think we will begin redoing it this winter, I just need to figure out if we are tearing out the shower or not. What I want to do is tear out the horrid shower stall, put in a shower pan and tile that area extending it out another foot. Then I want to tile the floor and paint the walls, and add a new mirror. The question will be cost. If we can't do the shower stall, we will be tiling the floor and painting at the very least, and I am deciding on colors now...either a pale olivey sagey green or some shade of orange. Decisions!

Admit Defeat

OK, so I try to keep most things close to the vest on here, but sometimes I feel the need to share. I am very prone to anxiety and have wicked OCD, we all know these things about me. I have tried medications and therapy in the past to "help" and basically was told that I was functionally OCD which was a nice way of saying that I was good crazy. My lifestyle requires a bit of craziness, so I have basically just puttered along.

While pregnant with Teagan, we faced a lot of challenges, some small...like the burst pipe and house flood, some medium, like the mother in law moving in for a short time, and some more major like the heart issues the baby and I faced. I have found that leaving the anxiety behind has been difficult postpartum, so I have begun taking Paxil to help things along. Am I happy about it, no. Do I need it right now, yes. The anxiety has become overwhelming for me, keeping me up at night and making me cranky and short. I started on the 10 mg dose, which is the lowest, but it made me feel sick to my stomach, although it curbed the anxiety. I went off for a few days, and today split the pills into 5 mg doses to see if that cuts the side effects.

Sometimes you just need to admit that you need help, and I hope it is only for a short while, I like my usual functional craziness.

Crisp Breezes

I cannot say how much I have been loving the weather, it is nice and cool and crisp in the morning, and warmer in the afternoons. We have been running upper 70's/lower 80's most days, and if we could settle in the low 70's it would be perfect weather. I love fall, and the last few years we seemed to jump from summer to winter and then back to summer with no real spring or fall weather which was disappointing.

Many of my best memories from growing up are from fall and spring, and the weather here in VA is not as mild as on Long Island. For Ryan and I, the weather is a big player in where we want to end up when we make the next big move.

To celebrate the change of seasons, I have been breaking out the cooler weather foods. Chili is back in the rotation as are a number of soups and stews. I made a pot roast the other day and was happy to have that warm feeling of comfort food in the house. Don't get me wrong, come next summer I will be thrilled to be back out at the grill making fresh foods and keeping the heat out of my kitchen, but for now it is all about warmth and home.

Soon we will go apple picking and canning will begin again Then comes the holidays, winter fires and the cold, dark evenings that make me feel all snuggly and safe....maybe even some snow will show up! I am beginning to feel hopeful again, I am seeing that this bad phase may be ending, and there are opportunities for us in the future. While I would love to pick up and move right now, I know that we can't and I am ok with that. If things go well, we hope to be back in NY in two years, but if not, we will make it work here. I guess this is the adventure part of life.

Long week

It was a long week of good and bad news. We are slowly adapting to the schedule and while the girls are tired by the end of the week, we are feeling more in control. Gray, Teagan and I are also getting used to the quieter days, although poor Gray really misses the girls being home to play with. Preschool starts in a few weeks, so that should help him feel better since he will get to see his friends and play three days a week.

Right now I am anxiously awaiting October for a number of reasons, and will be thankful as we head into fall and winter.