Terrible, awful, very bad morning

Let's start with that I am overwhelmed, exhausted and just at my wits end. I do not believe that this excuses what I am about to share, but I just needed to explain the background.

I have been busy, REALLY busy, work has had me putting in 60-70 hours a week, add to that classes for me and taking care of a house and three kids. I have been begging, pleading for help, for my family to do something to make the house neat and clean again like I keep it.

I reached my breaking point this morning when I went to wake my girls and found both their room and Grayson's room trashed, and I mean destroyed beyond recognition. To make matters worse, they had shoved, yes SHOVED, paper behind and around their beds, which makes it a fire hazard. Had their father been in there last night, YES, did he make them clean it up, NO!

Then, in trying to locate Gray's sneakers, I see the playroom was equally trashed and destroyed. I have two other little ones coming home with me this afternoon, and now I had no where to let them play!

So, I put everyone in the car for school, the girls were crying because they had been put on restriction, so I took Gray to school first knowing the girls would be late. Then I decided, they are off tomorrow and they can stay home today and do the clean up. I know, I know, whip me, but sometimes school can wait. I know, I know, it is just a mess and they could do it later, but I don't have time later, to be honest, I don't have time NOW, so school can wait. Yeah yeah, school is important and it is their education blah blah blah, ah well I am getting my doctorate so I am well aware that school is important, and I am pretty sure I can catch my 3rd and 1st grader up on anything they missed today. Was it the best decision, maybe not, but when they and my husband can catch on that I work TWO jobs and go to school full time, maybe we won't come to this.

So, they are cleaning, I just did some of the massive amounts of work I need to do, I need to go get the three littles, feed them and figure out a new plan. I did talk to Emily about using the red, yellow and green light like they use at school. Except here it everyone starts at red, and then if homework, chores and general behavior is good you can move up to green. Screw self esteem.

My four year old sent me to bed!

He woke up from a dream and was itchy (daddy forgot his allergy meds!) so I dosed him and told him to go to bed. He then insisted that he couldn't sleep alone and that I could take my computer upstairs so he could sleep in my room! Needless to say, I was too tired to fight, and he is now snoozing away next to me. The things we do to get a break!

Emily

stop stealth posting to me!!!

You are playing games with my mind!

Sunday quietness

We didn't make it to church again today as I was feeling really terrible last night and this morning. We have had a quiet day, the kids had a nice lunch and I am trying to get some things done around the house. Even with the slow day, I haven't gotten nearly enough chores done, but there is always tomorrow!

We are having a yummy dinner, roast chicken, stuffing, roasted butternut squash and sweet potatoes, biscuits and applesauce...yummy!

Trying to find hope

It is our tough time of the year, December/January and August are when we struggle the most financially. I always try to prepare and while on paper we look okay, I never know what is just around the corner. Financial stability is tough in today's times, even for those of us who are considered fortunate.

In addition to my money stress, my mother in law will be moving in with us in December or January. She needs our help, and I am happy to give it, but worry about what it will mean for our family dynamics, plus I am concerned I will have to stop changing my clothes in the family room and walking around half naked ;) We are happy she is coming, and the kids are very excited, but change is tough for me.

I am also thinking of applying for another full time teaching position. I love my FT gig, and it allows me to be home a lot, but I don't make a lot of money and feel I could do more for the family. I guess it will be left in the hands of fate.

So very crazy!

So, yesterday was busy, busy, busy. I finally made it home, after having fun running around with Em and Maggie, at 3:30. The girls came home and I was working on getting ready for work when it happened.....my laptop died. Apparently the internal charger thing doesn't work, so I have no power. The problem was that I NEEDED a laptop for class last night and our other one doesn't have Powerpoint. Thankfully Emily was super nice and let me take her laptop to class. My company overnighted a new case and it will be here tomorrow, so I will be up and running.

I got home late last night and then was up to 4 am trying to get work done on our desktop that doesn't have the programs I need. I slept on the couch in the family room until 7:20 when Haven was up for school, and I have been busy working, cleaning and getting things done. Tomorrow I have class, then the Fallons are coming for a game night :) Then Saturday I am sleeping in!!!

Butterflies

So, I have to be the first to admit that this, like the past few presidential elections, was not one where I was 100% behind a candidate. Being that we are precariously placed, our economy is poor and people are suffering, neither candidate appeared to be a knight in shining armor. Regardless, I went out and cast my vote, and when I stood in front of that ballot, I had butterflies in my stomach. While it appears that the person I voted for will win, I am still concerned for our nation. I worry about what a Democratic majority means for us, and I want to see a change in our country, for the better.

I am sitting here, giddy with excitement to see the results of the American people's choices. I am so proud of this nation, and that people were so moved to get out and cast a vote. What a wonderful indication of the desires of the people, that all want to see a new administration and to see a change in our world, regardless of whose name was on their ballot. The joy I have to be part of a presidential election with the first black candidate, it overwhelms me and makes my heart full.

My darling children sat in chairs waiting patiently for me to vote today. We have talked extensively about what a blessing this right is to have, and I have told them all that they will have that same right given to them on their 18th birthday. I could see on my girl's faces today that they got the seriousness of voting, as they sat there and waited, calming their brother and telling him how important it was that we were there. I am so filled with hope that we will see the change that has been promised. I know what a great nation this is, I see it everyday in the people, now I want to see it in our leadership.

It all comes together

It has been a good day, everything seemed to just fall into place. This morning I was able to get my call done, get the kids out the door and we went to vote. Thankfully we were quick at the polls and we went and had a yummy lunch. Then I grabbed my free cup of joe and we headed home. After getting home, I was super productive and got all of my grading done for PT school, half of it for FT school, made cheese, cleaned up and did the dishes and laundry. Dinner is now cooking and one of the two papers is completed. Tonight I need to run 5 calls with new faculty and work on the other paper I have due. If I am SUPER together, I will be able to get the kid's lunches made since we need to be out the door a 8 am. Whew!

Vote vote vote vote!!!

So, I just finished sending the email to my students urging them to go out and vote, and I urge all of you to do the same. I know the lines are long, but this opportunity only comes around every four years, so go, wait, and vote!

I will e heading out with three kids, fully prepared to stand in line, after I have my call at 8:30. If we need to stand there all day, we will, and I will tell them over and over again how lucky we are to have this right (something I will stress to my girls) and that I refuse to not go out and lend my voice to the masses.

It will be an interesting evening!

Holding it all together

So, it has been a rough few days, but somehow I am holding it together. I am wading through my work, and keeping up with the basic housekeeping. The kids are getting fed, and somehow I am getting it done. To say my life is a delicate balance is a serious understatement. Thankfully, I do pretty well under pressure, and while I know it won't let up until the end of the week, somehow it will get done.

Tomorrow is Election Day so the kiddos are off from school. Currently I have 5 calls scheduled (that is at least 2 1/2 hours) plus I need to vote and make it to CVS at some point. If I can keep moving, I will only have 15 papers left to grade tomorrow for PT school, plus a paper to write and I will start grading for FT school. In addition, I need to carve out a half hour tomorrow to make cheese, and I need to pack up the pumpkin I processed yesterday. It is a lot, but manageable, minus any major issues.

I know how crazy my world is, but I am thankful every day that my kids don't know how much I work around their schedule. To them, I am here being a mom most of the time, and while I will tell them when I am on a call or working that I need some quiet, I am still here is they need me. I am ready to be done with school, and with two years to go, it is great to see an end in site.

It is still crazy

So, dropped the girls off at school, was almost to Grayson's school when they called to tell me Brittan was throwing up....again. So dropped the boy, came and got the girl, ran home and did course checks, got the CSA and got Gray. Since getting home, I have fed them, Britt got peppermint tea and toast, I am hoping it helps settle her tummy, and I did the dishes. Now I MUST get working on grading for PT school, I need to get through 20 papers today. I also must write a paper tonight after I go to Parent/Teacher conferences. Oh did I mention I have calls with new faculty? Please let tomorrow be slow and quiet so I can get stuff done!

A bunch of Halloweenies

OK, so since no one is vomiting right now, I will post some pics from Halloween.

I never did get a decent shot of Gray by himself, and how grown up does Haven look, I need to lock her up right NOW!

Moving moving moving

OK, so I am moving right along. Got all my work work done for FT school, did one run to the store, did dishes and processed two out of the three pumpkins. I still need to work on laundry and grade papers for PT school, and figure out dinner. I may just feed the family leftovers since no one really ate last night, or I may take some of that pumpkin and make it into pumpkin soup.

While standing there chopping pumpkin today, a memory came upon me which had nothing to do with the pumpkin, but reminded me of why I am who I am. I remember being back on LI and it was either Valentine's Day or Saint Patrick's Day and my beau at the time and I were going out with a friend of his from college. This friend was the SNL version of a guy from Long Island, greasy and stinking of cologne, and I remember that it amused me since so few of the guys I knew were the stereotypical LI guy-and I lived there my whole life! So after having a crap time and heading home, I kept thinking how that was not where I belonged, I shouldn't be in some crappy bar with those people. I am not sure why this memory came upon me, I do know that I was thinking of two different exes while chopping pumpkin, knowing one would have admired the task and one would have made me feel like crap for being cheap, maybe that is where it came from.

I am glad to know that my husband was the one who went out and got me the pumpkins for super cheap, knowing that it would make me happy and that he and the kids would benefit from all of the good food that will come from those pumpkins. I am happy this is where I ended up and that I am understood here.

Just remembered

We set the clocks back...woohooo, I may just be able to catch up on some things!

Even more behind

So, if I was overwhelmed and behind a few days ago, I would have to say I am buried now. Between the two (so far) sick kids, Halloween, and other things that have come up, I am really behind on everything. There are two enormous piles of clean laundry that must be folded, and an equally big pile of dirty that must be washed. The house is ransacked, no one is on a good eating schedule so I am constantly feeding someone, I have a ton of work to do and I am exhausted.

So, I will do some work work now, then get up and put the canner and dehydrator away for the winter (hooray), make a batch of cheese, switch laundry, fold the kid's clothes and try to get Haven to put them away for me, I will vacuum and dust the main level of the house and mop all the floors to disinfect. Then, at some point today I need to start grading the 75 all essay exams. At least the kids only have a half day on Monday and Tuesday they are off, that means I have a few little helpers.

Beat down

I am just exhausted, today took it out of me.

All three kids are in bed, and I am hoping the worst of it has passed for Brittan. Still waiting to see if Haven or I get sick, I would assume that by tomorrow night we would be sick if we were getting it.

I am calling today quits and heading to bed, Ryan stayed home to help out, so if anyone else goes down, her will be there.

That would be two kids down

Britt just started getting sick. This is the weirdest stomach flu ever, they always hit at night, but this one hits at dinnertime! I guess we will see if/when Haven gets it!

Pumpkins and weather

So, my husband went out and picked up pumpkins for me, they were all you could carry (by the wagon) for 5 dollars. Smart husband that he is, he only got me two as I am the one who has to clean, cook and freeze the pumpkin puree. We already have enough for four batches of pumpkin muffins, so some of this will be made into puree and some will be peeled and chopped into chunks to be roasted with butternut squash and sweet potatoes as a hearty side dish.

The weather here is going crazy, today was supposed to be a high of 70, now they are saying 78. This week was supposed to be cool and mild, now we are looking at the high sixties and seventies! I hate when the weather jumps around, if it is fall, I want fall, no messing about. Now I must go finish the apple butter I am making, when husband gets home I will have him get me the canner and jars, then the apples will be finished....just in time for pumpkin.

Those days

You know those days when you know it is going to be terrible because you are already sobbing at 9 am? Yep, it is one of those days.

New day, new way

Husband informed me that I do too much for everyone else, actually he tells me this often and I usually just brush it aside. Needless to say, I do too much for my family and they don't appreciate it, and I find it spills out into all other aspects of my life, personal and work. When I then find that I do not get the same respect or compassion shown, I get upset as I believe I should be treated as I treat others. The realization that the whole "do unto others" theory only works if you can accept that you will only get back what the other is willing to give.