Secrets everywhere

I want to be part of a secret society. I think I am a good catch, smart, educated, opinionated, who wouldn't want me?

I always feel like I have too much living to do in what is probably too short a lifespan. There are so many things I want to experience, places I want to go and adventures I need to have. Oh well I guess I will be just as busy in my next life :)

They suck...and now they get chipped beef

Dinner came out awesome, except that the family sucks. Husband wouldn't get up so everything got cold and I was pissed. It took 3 hours to make that dinner and it was so pretty I took pictures. The kids barely ate and husband REFUSED to eat b/c I was mad he came down so late. Excuse me, but someone is calling you to dinner, a nice dinner of roast chicken and homemade stuffing, homemade sweet cream corn and salad, you can't get downstairs to eat it??? Then he REFUSED to eat it!!! So anyway, I got pissed and it went in the trash, I didn't even eat it. Needless to say, my family is spoiled when it comes to meals. Most moms don't spend HOURS cooking dinner from scratch. Tomorrow they have a surprise coming....I am going to the store and buying cans of corned beef hash, beefaroni and chipped beef, with some yummy canned Lima beans on the side. When husband gets up tomorrow for dinner, there will be the cans with a can opener....that way he can heat and eat when he wants. Two days and they should be wanting mama's cooking again. Oh, and no, they don't get any mousse.

Letting the mind wander

So sometimes you have to consider the what ifs. What if someone had mentioned that I could attend grad school right after completing my undergrad, where would i be now? Where would i have gone to school, what would I be doing? Why didn't anyone mention that was a possibility?

What if I had gone to school when I got to Virginia? I was looking at Mason and their Masters in Education. That actually gives me the shivers, I could have gotten my MEd and been teaching in a public school, bleck. I never want to teach anyone who is under the age of 18 (ok some of my students may be 17, but they are close). What would have happened if I didn't have Haven? We wouldn't have gotten married, bought the house and been propelled into all the "grown-up" things.

Now comes the what ifs of the future. I have no idea where my degree will take me. I do know that I am young, so my career will be a long and diverse one. I hope to publish again soon, and I have worked to make sure I am set up to secure a choice professorship when I am done. So will I ever teach abroad? Live in Vermont? Or live in the South? What adventures are to come? Right now I feel very trapped by my life, will I feel more free when I am done with school and the two job gig?

Oh the possibilities....

Chocolate therapy

So, I got up today and had to run my errands. The kids were sent to clean the playroom and I left to see Dr. Tom and run to the store. I was in a good mood....until I came home and the kids had fought more than cleaned and the playroom was more trashed than before. I had a mini-meltdown, they got yelled at, and off they went to really clean up.

Even though they are a handful, and lately mouthy and bad, I decided to be a sport and still make a full home cooked supper. In my oven is this delicious herb chicken, organic bird, farm butter and home grown herbs! I will make a stuffing filled with leeks, carrots and sweet onions and delicious garlic green beans with a mess of yeast rolls with honey butter

And if that isn't enough, here is dessert, luscious chocolate mousse.

Boy are they lucky :)

Rain rain rain

Oh it has been raining like mad recently. At least we don't have to worry about the drought right now, but I do wish I had heard back about the rain barrels!

I woke with a wicked headache this morning, I think it is all of the weather changes. I have to get myself dressed, then out to see Dr. Tom, then I need a few things at the store. I am feeling very uncreative about dinner, so if anyone has a good idea, please share. I am guessing we will have chicken, maybe a roast one as it has been a while. Some stuffing, green beans, yeast rolls, hmmm, sounds like a plan. Now I need an idea for dessert, I am thinking chocolate mousse, something very decadent in this dreary weather.

Oh it is quiet

The kids have been shuffled off to bed, the laundry is going and hopefully the dishes will be done soon by the husband. The house is getting sparklier by the minute, and after the morning playroom cleanup, we will be almost there. Right now it is perfectly peaceful, I am snuggled up under a blanket enjoying the dim lights and calm duskiness of our house at night.

Tomorrow will bring business and chaos, as is a day with three kids and lots to do, but now it is quiet and calm.

Busy little bees

We have been buzzing today. lots to do and lots got done. Brittan's room was overhauled, the curtains were hung and her dresser was cleaned out. I also went through her dresses and cleaned them out. All that is left is to wash the bedding and make the bed for my parents, and I plan to do that on Tuesday.

Grayson's room was also dusted and organized. His dresser was cleaned out and clothes he has outgrown were added to the pile for Goodwill. The girls are working on Haven's room now, organizing, dusting and getting it together. Haven's dresser will be cleaned and then I will go up and inspect. If all is well, I will put the girls clothes for next week into their weekly organizers so that when my mom comes, she doesn't have to pick out their clothes.

So far, I have folded and put away at least 7 loads of clothes and I have washed two more. Only about 7 more to go! I also cleaned the front windows and the back door, vacuumed the house, cleaned the dining room table and the downstairs bathroom. I placed a ridiculously large Mrs. Meyer's order, hey they lavender stuff is on sale! Now I need to type the schedule for when I am away, and make the menu for my mom. Tomorrow the playroom will get cleaned, Sunday the kids and I will go out and get a few things for the house including a new shower curtain and shade for my bathroom, a new bathmat for the kids bathroom, a new rug for the foyer and new kitchen rugs and towels.

We had the trees done yesterday and I spoke to the guy doing the retaining wall for the garden, he will do those when we get back from Chicago. Now I need to get estimates on replacing our shower, Ryan is looking at them now at the store, and we need someone to come and move the plumbing and tear out the old nasty shower. Not to mention that the seedlings will be started when we get back from the trip and that once that wall is up, we need to go haul compost and manure to fill the garden.

Whew, I am tired :)

This is my favorite time of the year, we are moving quickly and have lots to do!

Time to clean

So we are heading out Thursday morning, and with a family of five and a neat freak mom, I need to start cleaning now. Today I will tackle Brittan's room which is where my parents sleep. I need to fix the wall where the paper is coming down, clean out her whole room and clear her dresser. Then I need to do the dusting thing, clean the windows and just generally get it ready to go. I will wash the sheets and make the bed tomorrow since Ryan has been kicked out to that bed a lot recently.

Then on to Gray's room, his should be a bit easier, but his dresser also needs to be cleaned out and the room dusted. I will then clean the upstairs bathroom, even though it will need another cleaning on Tuesday or Wednesday morning.

When the girls get home, they will need to organize Haven's room and dust. Ryan will be in charge of folding the clothes that are clean down here and pushing through more laundry. I am also sending him up to our room later to organize so I can come in and do the big bad clean.

After that, I will work on rooms this weekend. The playroom will be tackled on Saturday, and it will be a big job. After a few hours, we should have it neat and clean, and will just need to keep it that way! The living room will be done on Monday, the dining room, family room, kitchen and downstairs bath will be done Tuesday.

It is always good to have a plan :)

Doctor's are stupid

I went to the doctor, and they did an EKG...no biggie. He never even looked in my ears or checked me for being sick, just assumed it was my heart and sent me to my cardiologist. Thing is, I am positive I am just anemic and dehydrated, not smart, but not cardiologist worthy either. I will be seeing the cardio anyway, especially if we are planning another baby, but I am sure he will not think anything of this incident.

Later on, I spoke with my sister who says she has had this happen a few times, maybe there is just a family history.

Spinning rooms

So I had an unfortunate first experience today. I was teaching my class and everything was fine, and then it wasn't. I got very faint, ended class and nearly passed out right there. I have never in my life had an experience like that and it really was quite upsetting.

I will see the doctor tomorrow just to make sure I am OK, but I am guessing it is a bad case of doing too much, maybe getting sick, not drinking enough and being anemic. Now if only I could shake the headache I have.

Sense of Entitlement

I have just about had it with people and their sense of entitlement. I deal with lots of students with this problem, they feel that the rules do not apply to them or that I should do something for them when they fail an exam or hand in work late. Personal situations are often the excuse, and not illness or emergencies, but things like weddings and moving. Why do they feel that I should invest more in their education if they are not willing to? Why do I need to change the rules just for them, while others are meeting deadlines? I do not understand this as at all.

I have been in school at the graduate level for 5 1/2 years and started with a newborn and a two year old. I also moved and had a third child, had a full time job that included travel, etc, and I managed to get my work done and never expected my instructors to make arrangements for me or to change the rules. Going to school was my choice, and I needed to fulfill my responsibilities. It seems that these students feel that since they are paying for an education, we should just hand them the grades. When did this happen?

When I was an undergrad, I would never have behaved this way, I would never have ordered my instructor on how to grade me or how they needed to change things to meet my needs. This has got to end, this is why people in the US work so many hours and are still unproductive. It starts with our children, they need to learn respect and what hard work is. They need to know that the world will not be handed to them on a silver platter and that if they want to achieve something, THEY have to work for it. Argghhh, OK I am done venting!

It takes a village...

So Em and I were chatting about our close relationship and how it may seem odd to others. We would be very happy to all live under one roof, the kids see each other as siblings, and we are pretty interchangeable as the moms and dads. From the outside it may seem odd, but I really believe that it works for us and that our kids are reaping the benefits. Our kids think of themselves as one of six, and through these close relationships they have learned patience, responsibility, compassion and understanding. They have also had to learn how to adapt, as Em and I run our homes a bit differently. I will yell at her kids as much as mine and vice versa because I really believe I am invested in them and their best interests. I love her kiddos as my own, ad know she feels the same way, and while it can be hard to explain, this works for us.

We talk and talk about how if we came into money we would build this big house to live together. To me, it is the best idea, one big living area and then separate sleeping areas. The kids could enjoy the chaos and joy of a houseful of your best friends or worst enemies depending on the day, and we as moms could easily balance the raising of the kids. Big family dinners, a pool out back for summer and lots of animals all around for the kids to play and learn from. Land to run and dirt to dig in, what more could kids want?

I wish more people had what our families have. That deep trust and understanding that there isn't just one person there to pick you up, but a whole pack of them. The love and even the aggravation that comes from all these kids is worth the hard work.

I could never imagine it just being Ryan, me and the kids, it seems so lonely to think of life without Em, Ben and the kids, and I love who we all are, one big, crazy and maybe odd, family.

Oh boy!

So today was a bit of a roller coaster. First the whole Chicago thing. That is solved, we will both fly so he can be back for work Sunday night. Then there was a lot running around this morning. A visit to Dr. Tom where Em brought me coffee, a sign of a true friend who knew I was on the edge! Then off to make copies, we went to the store to grab paint chips for Dr. Tom since he wanted to paint his office a yucky dingy beige. Gray and I hopped in her car, we went to get Killi, then out to lunch. We have said we would hold off on lunch out, but it was an emergency, I was having a crappy day, so we needed it, OK!

After lunch, she dropped me at my car, and took Gray home with her. I graded exams, and they were awful, then the kids came home, ordered them a pizza (no supermom award for me today) then off to class. Now it is after 11 and Grayson has joined me on the couch where he is thrilled to watch Super Why. Although I am tired, I enjoy these small bits of my kids late at night. I never seem to mind if they get up and spend a little time with me late at night once in a while, it is a nice way to get one on one time. Plus he is 3 and has no big plans for tomorrow, so he can stay with me :)

You know what sucks?

When you are leaving for Chicago in a week and a half and don't have a flight because your husband is supposed to come with you. You have had you parents rearrange their schedules, including having you Dad miss something important at the firehouse so they can come babysit your kids. You ask for weeks and weeks for your husband to take the two days off that you will be away, and then when he FINALLY gets around to it they AGAIN tell him he can't have one of the days. This happens ALL THE TIME and I cannot understand why he doesn't understand that the people at his job do not think much of him. Now I am totally screwed, my parents were looking forward to having the kids to themselves and now I need to shell out all the extra last minute money and find a flight. He sucks.

Secret Talents

We all have them, it could be the ability to tie a cherry stem in a knot, or a weird way you can curl your tongue, but we all have weird secret talents. I used to think my only was one was crazy ability to beat anyone who challenged me in Whack-A-Mole or any such game. I never seem to miss, and it isn't even that I enjoy the game that much, I just am really good at it. Whenever we are anywhere with games and the kids, I always go and play Whack-A-Mole since I know that in three rounds, each kid will have a prize.

Now I have found out I am pretty good at Guitar Hero. Right from the start, it wasn't terribly difficult, and now I can pick any song, even if I haven't played it and get a 5 on easy. On medium, I can also do pretty well, and everyone should bear in mind I don't know most of these songs as I am not a rock girl by any stretch of the imagination.

Ryan told me that you could get a cool guitar if you get 5 stars on all songs, and I have except one that I just cannot get! I am a bit obsessive, so I am guessing that I will work on it until I get that guitar. Then I will go back to what I was working on before, getting perfect on each song...um, OCD much?

Spring Fever

I am not sure if it is the fact that the sun is shining or that it is supposed to be 70 tomorrow, but Spring Fever has caught me! Thankfully it hit in a productive way, I have scrubbed my cabinets and counters, cleaned all the windows, started dinner, vacuumed the house and generally did a big straighten. The best part is, my house smells like spring, as all the cleaners are natural and have a fresh scent.

I also attacked the oven. When we bought this house the oven that came with the house wasn't old, but it wasn't well kept either. I don't think the previous owners ever cleaned it, and considering they had windows with no screens and generally neglected any upkeep on the house, the oven was really nasty. In the four years, I have cleaned the oven, a lot, but the window on the door just never would come clean. It made me crazy as it always made me think the oven was dirty, although it wasn't, so today I tried something new. I used simple baking soda and vinegar and let it sit for awhile. While it still isn't perfect, and never will be, it is so much better and there were no nasty fumes :) Maybe I will get that new oven in the next year, being that I cook so much, it would be a nice treat.

The last big accomplishment for today is that I finally place our seed order. Lots of great heirloom and organic varieties, and if they go well we will harvest some seeds for next year as well. I am anxious to get going, the tree issues should be handled this week, and then in two weeks the retaining walls will go in. Then the fence and the garden is ready to go!

Religion-Thoughts?

There are topics I tend to stay away from discussing except with a small group of folks, one of these is religion. One reason is that I know many people have very strong beliefs, and as a result of that dedication, they cannot even consider an alternative. I think it is insulting to not even try to see where someone else is coming from, so I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. As my children grow older, I wish I had something to offer them religiously. I was raised in a house with a pseudo-Jewish father and Catholic mother, and we were raised Catholic (CCD, baptized, communed and confirmed!) I know that I do not want to be a part of the Catholic church, and as I have investigated options, I find that most Christian Church's are not what I am looking for either, their beliefs simply do not match mine. I like the idea of the Unitarian Church, and there is one in a town close by, but with Ryan working Saturday night, I would need to go alone. I am happy to do that, but the first time I want to have us both there to juggle the kids, and we haven't had a day that worked for us. I feel I am failing the kids in this respect, so my goal for the summer is to try that church, and if it works for me and my beliefs, we will make it a weekly trip.

A sign of things to come

Today has started off pretty nicely. I would have preferred to have slept past 6:45 on a Sunday, but we all got up in decent moods and the day has started on a good foot. The kids and I hung out in my bed for a little while, petting the cat and joking around. We came down and I toasted up some of yesterdays waffles, made some sausage and poured the OJ. The kids ate, I made coffee and everyone is happy. Even the sunlight seems happy; we have one of those glorious beams coming in from the plant window in the playroom and shining into the family room, one of those "hand of god" type beams, appropriate on a Sunday but shouldn't be wasted on a bunch of heathens like us. I love those, they always make me feel happy and hopeful, so I am taking it as a sign that today will be a good day.

Evening falls, dinner is done, kids are whining

Dinner was a heaping success. I ended up making the homemade pasta, I figure, it only take a few minutes to make and everyone loves it. The kids helped turn the crank so they were very happy to tell Daddy that they made the pasta :)

The roasted veggies turned out wonderful, although we did have a more "wintery" version tonight with parsnips, carrots, leeks, green beans, grape tomatoes, asparagus, onions, garlic, yellow squash and zucchini. In summer, I adjust to fit what we have fresh, but there is always fresh basil and a squirt of lemon at the end.

The kids are now cleaning the playroom...again. If they could only learn to clean as they go, it would be much easier. Then they are off to have a cup of tea before they are tucked into bed. Me, I am thinking of making a run to the local ice cream place to get some butter pecan ice cream. Maybe I should go hurry those kids along :)

Doing better

So my efforts to be a better mom are starting to pay off. Although Grayson STILL isn't sleeping, I am trying to not let my sheer exhaustion get in the way. We started off okay, although the kids seemed to want to get up at 6:45 for some reason. It was okay though, as Haven needed to be ready to go by 8:30 and I wanted to make them waffles and sausage for breakfast. We came down and I made a double batch of waffles (now we have extra in the freezer) then Haven got ready and I did the housewide vaccum, straighten, etc. Then I took a quick shower and headed in to see Dr. Tom, then stopped by the grocery store.

I am so tried of the standard winter dinner choices, I miss the fresh, robust tastes of spring and summer. I grabbed some sad looking fresh veggies, and will make my roasted veggies with basil and orzo for dinner. I am hoping that even though the veggies are not local or organic or even all that pretty, they will help tide me over until we are getting the good stuff again. I am also planning to make some yummy yeast rolls for dinner, and may even crank out some homemade pasta to use in place of the orzo.

Now I have a new batch of coffee roasting, Haven is playing at a neighbors, Britt and Gray just went up to rest (gray b/c he doesn't sleep and britt b/c she is still not feeling well). I will fold the three baskets of clothes, and then work on a paper for tonight. I also have grading to do, so I am hoping that new batch of coffee is as strong as it smells!